People that have been in Jail.

[firsttimedad79]

I was just reading another thread about someone who had been in jail and was surprised by the negativity.

It wasn't mentioned what he had been in for or anything, it just assumed he was a bad person.

I've been inside twice in my youth, but I wouldn't consider myself a bad person. I made mistakes when I was younger but it doesn't dictate who I am now.

AIBU in thinking people automatically assume your bad because you've done time?

Actually other reports do say the texting was proved, as was the driving at 45 in a 30 limit.

@Schuyler my accident was in July, I live up north, mine was at night, I am 9 years older than the other lady, I wasn't married, my victim was in his 50s. Similar but not the same.

What a coincidence then.

My brother who is 26 is in prison and is due for release in 1 month and will be on probation for 2 years. He comes from a family where none of us have so much as got a speeding ticket let alone been arrested etc.
I want to think he is a good person, but I am really worried about when he comes out. His crimes spanned about 2 months where he stole 40 grand from his employer (bank), committed gbh, attempted to Rob a shop with a machete and dome driving conviction which I don't know the details about.
As you can imagine we as a family have found it very difficult (not as difficult as his victims of course) and it was put in the papers too which made it even tougher.

I could give a million excuses for his behaviour but really he has been a complete an utter moron (to put it lightly) and was lucky with the sentence he received. I don't think he is a rotten person but equally I have no trust for him.

I'm due to give birth to my first child in April and I'm nervous about him being around... There's so much uncertainty. Ultimately he is a compulsive liar, a thief and has anger issues... He sounds 'reformed' when I visit, but then he is also a very convincing liar.

Sorry to hear that MissMilly88, did he have a substance problem or mental health issues? Its crazy for someone that age to be carrying on like that for nothing.
If I were you I'd see how he goes for a long while before I had him back round me and a baby. He'd have to prove that he could behave himself. Its going to be hard for him to get a job with an employer after he previously robbed the last one. I think he may be looking at self employment of some type.

Been out for 15 years now and happily engaged with 5 kids

Isn't that backwards? I would have thought happily engaged, hope to have five kids. Is there such a thing as unhappily engaged?

People that have been In jail

Have broken the law. It's very difficult to get a custodial sentence and those that do probably deserve it

I work in criminal justice system. Fed up of excuses. Do the crime? Do the time. Can't even begin to ragail you with the tales of woe. ( that aren't)

I know someone who was caught scamming the benefits system to the tune of TENS of THOUSANDS. Not what you can call an honest mistake.. more like deliberate theft of taxpayer money. He didn't have to pay it all back (basically got to keep most of the ill gotten gains) and got a suspended sentence.

That's made me wonder what you DO have to do to get time..?

Thank you. He took a lot of drugs, and I think started smoking weed at 14 which I really think has messed him up a little. He was experimenting with valium too before the crime spree. He also robbed my parents house and took 1500 worth of belongings to the pawn shop where my parents had to actually buy their own items back (they didn't tell the police about this). He is due to move back in with my parents (new Town etc which is good). We are all so nervous and desperately want him to be a better person. I think it will be one step at a time, he will need time to climatise to the new house and then he will need to get a job. There's so much stacked against him, he has a 5 Yr driving ban., criminal convictions plus no bank account and also has lots of unpaid debt. He made such a mess of things when my parents were always so supportive. It's really sad as he could have had an amazing future... I hope he still does.

Read the entire thread to here.

I can’t help feeling from the posts that to those that have been in prison, or know and associate with people that have, it is their normal. To the rest of us it is as far removed from our lives as you could get.

MissMilly88

Fusioluxe

No there is not. I have also worked with adult offenders, of a variety of crimes. There are some people who are not very nice people, who have also committed crimes, but there are also some not very nice people who haven’t committed crimes.

Each case is individual but either way I don’t believe someone is all bad.

People keep saying that in the UK it is hard to go to prison, and I agree with that. But also in the UK we very rarely lock someone up and throw away the key either. People will serve a sentence, and at the end of that sentence if not before, they will be released.

When they are released the hope is that they do not reoffend, so to do that, change has to be possible, and to believe in change you can’t possibly believe someone is just bad. The 2 things are not compatible.

It is not everyone’s view and that is fine but it is my personal view, that people can change, they have to want to, and have access to the support to. But it is possible.

It is not my normal fusioluxe it's about as far removed from normal as you can get. But I think by knowing someone who murdered someone else, I am a more compassionate and better person.

I didn't used to know what a murderer looked like, but now I do.

Thanks Chasingrainbows10, that’s really interesting.

Of course it depends what the circumstances were. It wasn’t too long ago people were sent to prison for being homosexual or for being a conscience objector. If you are remorseful & don’t commit crimes anymore, I wouldn’t have any problem with that.

Our worker has been inside for armed robbery and every now and then is picked up for this or that, but generally let back out again on bond pending another Court hearing. Hubby took him on because he didn't have the cleanest of records during his youth and our worker comes across as jovial, friendly (and dare I say it) honest, as much as he wants us to know that is... (roll eyes). He is a terrific conversationalist and if he doesn't understand or know something, then he comes straight out and asks. For instance I peeled too many potatoes one afternoon and put the excess in water for the next day, he wanted to know why i did that, didn't know about oxygen turning the potato brown. And that is where the line is drawn. As long as we are aware of the differences between his truth and the truth, then its all good. All the time he is living with his partner and their children, then its all good. He tries to maintain some standards at home, which wouldn't be my standards, but they are better than those he grew up with. He is the sort of fellow that you generally think is getting his life back on track, and then something completely stupid will happen and he is back at step 1, starting over again (this is where the honest bit comes in, he tells us of the ''something stupid'' and we shake our heads that it could only happen to him, but he is honest enough about it). I don't worry about him around our young adult daughter, but I wouldn't leave him long in a house full of valuables if he was hungry and broke either, although he would most likely raid the fridge first. Its the way of life he learnt when he was young. However not everyone is like that and there would be some we just wouldn't employ at all.

I’ve never met anyone that’s been to prison as far as I’m aware. I think I would find it very hard to trust someone who had personally. I think children and youngsters do do naughty things but going to prison is extreme so you must have been pretty bad! I would worry that that side of someone might lay dormant until triggered again by something. Leopard’s, spots etc etc. I’m afraid I would steer clear. I’m sorry.

This may have already been mentioned, but it was reported two weeks ago that two young drug dealers escaped a sentence because their texts to their buyers were very polite!! Meaning the judge could see they were actually middle class and this was just a phase! It did make me feel very sorry for people from less fortunate circumstances facing the same situation.

Having said that, I grew up in a city with a very 'eclectic' group. Some were very wealthy but some were more on the 'fringes'. In my early 20s we got to know these two really cool, good looking guys who'd done time for robbing an antiques warehouse. We thought they were so charming and now reformed. Then one day, after a group of us had piled back to our's for tea etc, my parents most valuable small antiques disappeared. We never accused them outright but it was pretty obvious it was them, and we steered very clear after that.

Chasingrainbows10

lol

Quick question then to a verified "optimistic do gooder": how often do these offenders not get welcomed back into their societies with open arms?

You keep saying that society can't throw them away but is that actually what happens? You telling me that parents aren't lying for youth offenders, giving alibis, refusing to testify, blaming the prison service, crying in the dock, making excuses?

Girlfriends with litters of children blaming everyone but the offender? Hiding weapons, covering up bruises from abuse, ignoring previous convictions, obstructing justice?

When they get out of prison, how quick are they in new relationships? Be honest. There's always someone to shack up with isn't there?

The truth is that they are usually more supported than the victims in most cases. By awful dysfunctional parents yes but the endless attempts to guilt trip strangers into viewing prison time as some sort of extended trip to aldi is laughable. It's your job to care not ours. Unless you're sharing some of your salary that is.

@evaperonspoodle Your's is the stand out post!!

That's absolutely shocking and a complete indictment of our society.

I met my partner while he was in prison. I’d moved area and wrote to a pen pal magazine for friends, he was one of the people who wrote to me and he explained what he was in prison for. He was given a life sentence for murder and served 12 yrs when we started corresponding, he kept nothing hidden from me, he explained that he’d killed 2 paedophiles and the person who they had abused told the police what he’d done and he didn’t deny it so he received a life sentence with a recommended 99 yrs. He completed all the courses that were expected of him and we eventually got engaged, we’ve had a son and he was released on life license in 2006, we’ve now been together 25 yrs this yr. People can change and my oh has. He knows I don’t condone what he done but I understand why he rid the world of 2 paedophiles who filmed all the children they abused ! He swears he’ll never do anything illegal again and I believe him, he’s been completely straight for 12 yrs.

Now I know what the OP did to go to prison though, it does seem very minor compared to other accounts on here.

Bed of luck OP. I wouldn't judge you!

How ‘hard’ it is to be sent to prison is debatable particularly if you are older. My dad went to borstal for arson. Setting a fire on a mountain that got out of control. He’s never been in trouble since and he’s in his 70s now.
I don’t believe most people are either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, I think most have the capacity for both even at the same time. Humans are complex creatures.

@OwlBeThere

The fact you downplay what your father did (which was appalling and justified being sent to a young offenders prison) says an awful lot about you.

There’s a lot to be says in saying “I / he /she did something wrong and it was right that they were punished with person time. I love them though”