To be peeved of that we're still not engaged

[isitsummeryett]

We've been together a year and a half we have dd together and he has taken my DS on as his own.
He says he wants to get married but wants to be able to afford a proper ring.
Where as for me I'm not really bothered I just kind of want all of us to feel connected and have the same last name and also start the adoption process as he wants to adopt ds.

Aibu to feel annoyed by this? I feel like it's just never going to happen.

Why don't you ask him?

Tell him the poundshop are selling rings for a quid and you want one of those.

There's no rush for him to adopt your son, whether or not you get married. A year and a half is no time at all.

Ask him to marry you instead then you'll know where you stand. He may be genuine but he may also be stringing you along with no intention of marrying you.

18 months is no time

Poundland are doing engagement rings..

You don’t hang about do you?

You've only been together 18 months and you are running ahead with adoption plans and probably having another baby.
You need to slow down a bit,don't get pregnant yet and enjoy what you have for a while longer

Do you think he actually wants to Marty you or is this an excuse?

😂 funny as he actually sent me the link to the Poundland thing.

Gosh 18 months is pretty quick. My husband and I met in our mid twenties and were together for 3 years before he proposed, I didn’t feel like we’d taken too long over it at all.

You: will you marry me? We have a child together and I want us to all feel connected as a family. How about we do it in the registry office in 6 months and have a party in a pub function room afterwards?

Him: yes/no

Then you proceed accordingly.

If it's about being married for you rather than going through the motions with an expensive ring etc does it really matter who asks who?

A year and a half isn't very long, aren't you already connected with having a baby? A baby, marriage, and adoption in less than 2 years sounds very rushed to me.

The "being able to afford a proper ring" is just the first in a long list of delaying tactics this man will use. Look out for:

• I want the proposal to be a surprise, so you aren't allowed to ask me anything about when it will happen.

• I'm "old fashioned" about proposing (but not about anything else) so I want to be the one to do it - don't get any ideas about you asking me.

• I want us to have a "proper" wedding, which will take a few years to save up for. Except, oops, I keep spending the money on other things.

• I feel like we're already married so I don't feel like I need a piece of paper to prove anything

....and so on. Its not bad/weird/unusual to not get married after only a year together, but the red flag is him pretending he needs an expensive ring to do it, when you have clearly said that you don't care about the ring.

To be fair I think if we didn't have the kids and it was just me and him I wouldn't be bothered.

Ah no I like tradition definitely wouldn't ask!

It could be an excuse but not sure I have a cheap little pandora promise ring at the moment but I would quite happily have it as my engagement ring.

I managed to get engaged and married all without an engagement ring. [DH proposed quite spontaneously; then offered to buy me a ring. I told him to save his money because we didn't have very much at the time].
I realize that not many people do this, but I'm just pointing out that the ring itself is just something symbolic (or it can be)

What exactly is the priority for both of you? Maybe something to think about/discuss together?

Ah no I like tradition

Put on your hard hat, OP. It's not exactly traditional to live with a man you aren't married to.

Fuck me, you don’t hang about! Not sure I’d be so concerned about ploughing ahead with adoption if I were you

Wow, if only a woman could propose

A fancy ring is an excuse.

I have a cheapo wedding ring and no engagement ring. It has never been a problem in our marriage.

@RedHatsDoNotSuitMe I love that! Do you have a ring now?

It may sound rushed to other people but it feels right. My DS loves OH mum and dad calls them nan and grandad and they think the world of him.

I just kind of want that feeling of knowing we're all family if it makes sense? And not so separate and mixed up.

I like tradition - like living with and having a baby out of wedlock!

The ring thing is an excuse, he doesnt want to marry you. Whether that is right now or at all only he knows.

Why does it bother you if you feel that the relationship is genuine?

Yes tradition of the man proposing @HollyBollyBooBoo

It may sound rushed to other people but it feels right. My DS loves OH mum and dad calls them nan and grandad and they think the world of him.

Be careful with your DS OP, after 18m I don’t think I’d be encouraging this.

Why such a rush? Its only 18 months.