To wish people would stick to 'the rules' re book club entertaining

[parishmeeting]

There's ten of us in the club, we meet once a fortnight, and we take it in turns to host. The agreement was that the only refreshments offered would be tea/coffee/wine. That way it didn't become a hassle for anyone. A few months ago one member had a birthday cake because it had been another member's birthday the day before. Fair enough. Then the next host produced biscuits and fruitcake. Then another host had a cheeseboard and a bowl of crisps. We're meeting tomorrow night and have been told that 'a light supper will be provided'.

It's now getting to the stage where anytime you host (which is about 5 times a year) you're going to be expected to provide a meal. That wasn't the idea and not all of us are happy about it.

AIBU to wish people wouldn't do this? My aunt said the same thing happened with a card group she belonged to. It went from tea and biscuits to fancy suppers and people got fed up.

This is why I get fed up with regular meet up groups of any kind.

Any that I’ve been part of always seem to morph into something that feels like an obligation and a headache

we always do snack bits so everyone brings something to eat and drink like wine, beer, big bag of share crisps or popcorn. much easier

No one can make you (and the others who don't like it) provide anything. So on your nights, just email that you'll only be doing drinks and no nibbles.

Just because other people are doing it doesn't mean you have to. Buck the trend.

You don't have to keep up, people are just being nice.

It sounds a miserable night with just tea/coffee/wine. It’s not much effort to open a bag of crisps or a packet of biscuits. I’m glad I don’t go to your bookgroup.

I know, and I'm resolved not to get drawn into it. But I know a couple of others are afraid they'll look mean if they enjoy nice food in other members' houses and then only provide drinks when it's their turn.

It just puts pressure on people, not matter how nicely it was meant. The 'light supper' is really the last straw with me.

Yes but

The agreement was that the only refreshments offered would be tea/coffee/wine. That way it didn't become a hassle for anyone.

She's not being miserable, that was the agreement.

Who organises it? Can you ask them to just pop a reminder email out saying that whilst it's lovely some people are in a position to offer more than teas/coffees, it should be kept in mind that this is not what the group is about, and those who don't want to or can't provide extras should not feel awkward - and that perhaps those who want to offer more keep things simple (ie a cake / cheese rather than full meals).

What’s a light supper in your circles? Could it just be say, a cheeseboard or nibbles?

Well the people that don’t want to provide a few snacks shouldn’t be eating the snacks provided if they can’t be bothered to take there turn. They will look mean.

It’s not much effort to open some light snacks 5 times a year.

Is there an issue with different incomes within the group? Because I can see how some people going, well, it's no big deal to empty a bag of crisps into a bowl might be wilfully ignorant of the fact that some members would only be able to do that if they skipped lunch the next day...

I agree with a PP - especially if others feel the same way, no need to keep up with this. If someone else wants to lay on more, that's their prerogative. I'll be honest though - if I was hosting I'd be a bit embarrassed if I didn't at least open a packet of biscuits or crisps.

I'm not sure, you know, reanimated. In general I'm sensitive to income disparities but a decent size pack of own brand biscuits is 50p in Sainsbury's. Not having a spare £2.50 over the course of a year seems unlikely to me.

It's not just the food - it's also the fact it extends the evening rather more than some people feel happy with.

This always happens with small groups, it's the slippery gâteaux slope!
Embrace it!

Sounds like people of getting rid of all those odd packets you buy and hide before Christmas then forget about, they get found for the next six months! The other day I found 4 mouldy mince pies, OH actually ate them, two bags of chocolate almonds from Lidl and a box of biscuits. The Christmas cake has never been out of its tin"

No one had any issue with opening a packet of biscuits or putting a bowl of crisps on the table. It's the gradual escalating to several cakes and cheeseboards and 'light suppers' that's causing the problem.

By the way, there was literally an agreement at the start that we'd confine the night to wine/tea/coffee so no, I didn't feel embarrassed doing this when it was the common understanding that that was what would be provided.

our book club became a supper club

Some people love that some don't

It was a hassle to be honest, but I don't see the problem withs some crackers and cheese, a cake or some biscuits as all can be store bought and are as such no "hassle" and not expensive either

You don't have to go mad, you could get a couple of big pizzas from the Asda, cook and cut them up and provide some nuts and crisps and still have change from a tenner.

If you don't want to do it then I think you have to bow out of the group really. You cant have some people providing food and then you not doing really.

It’s not much effort to open some light snacks 5 times a year.

This. You can always start a breakaway group.

Why was there that agreement? Sounds a bit joyless.

I would feel embarrassed to have anyone round to my house and not offer them something to eat, even if it was just a cake.

then they need to grow up and say I'm just doing biscuits or whatever.

You don't need to participate if you don't want to and shouldn't feel guilty if you don't but why can't you just throw out a couple of packets of TimTams or a packet of chips or something similar?

They can easily be bought off the shelf and are yummy enough to call a decent treat without breaking the bank.

This is a test of strength of character. Just stick to your guns and provide what you agreed to with your head held high. Support those others who might be feeling under pressure. Try to remind people of the agreement without making those people that are going to more effort/expense feel bad.

Try to remember, you're having a nice time, and sometimes getting some extra goodies. Everyone should be able to enjoy this. Don't make a problem where one needn't exist.