To wish people would stick to 'the rules' re book club entertaining

[parishmeeting]

There's ten of us in the club, we meet once a fortnight, and we take it in turns to host. The agreement was that the only refreshments offered would be tea/coffee/wine. That way it didn't become a hassle for anyone. A few months ago one member had a birthday cake because it had been another member's birthday the day before. Fair enough. Then the next host produced biscuits and fruitcake. Then another host had a cheeseboard and a bowl of crisps. We're meeting tomorrow night and have been told that 'a light supper will be provided'.

It's now getting to the stage where anytime you host (which is about 5 times a year) you're going to be expected to provide a meal. That wasn't the idea and not all of us are happy about it.

AIBU to wish people wouldn't do this? My aunt said the same thing happened with a card group she belonged to. It went from tea and biscuits to fancy suppers and people got fed up.

offering guests food and drink is something that has been the case for ever and a day, all around the world.

The last thing I want at 9pm is cake, or Australian penguins. I just want wine. I do crisps & nuts to go with wine, biscuits with tea. It costs a tiny fraction of what the massive wine order costs me. Others in my group do a full party spread because it makes them happy, but there's no escalation.
If you think this causes the obesity problem you should probably read a few books yourself.

Book Club morphs into ‘Eating, Drinking and Chatting about stuff other than the book Club’ sounds like how most book clubs end up anyway

My dear departed dad's idea of a 'light supper' at his house was half a loaf of brown bread, per person, slathered with butter and covered in smoked salmon. God love him.

Food is a complex beast.

Maybe the “light supper” person is always starving at book club and hopes it will catch on?

Those who want to provide food, do. Those who don’t, don’t and they don’t need to feel guilty. It’s silly to say X can’t provide food because Y might feel obligated to do so.

@FaFoutis My personal fav - the double coat choc tim tam

Maybe suggest a seperate social evening with food provided. Some people like doing it then people are free to join in or not.

Hang on OP I'm no maths buff but if there are 10 of you in the group and you meet every two weeks surely then each member only has to host 2.6 times a year, maybe less taking in to account holidays xmas etc For 10 members to end up hosting 5 times a year that would mean you were hosting every week not every 2 weeks....

Your problem is that you're meeting once a fortnight. Meet once a month and it all becomes more manageable.

That would drive me nuts. I am rubbish at cooking so if this became the trend and expectation of the group, I'd personally be gone. However as there are a few who want to keep it as per the original agreeement then maybe message back (hopefully it's a group message) and tell her not to be going to any bother as everyone really only expects a cuppa as originally agreed. That way it seems like you're giving her an out, in case she thinks more is now expected of her.

I don't understand why you're hosting 5 times a year. Surely this means you're meeting weekly. Yes I know I'm missing the point.

OK, TimTams look quite nice.

This is why we have our book club in the village hall. Everything is locked up and we only have access to the kettle and the mug cupboard and most times we can't be arsed to make tea or coffee as the boiler is turned off so its a PITA to wash up. Once a year (January) we bring nibbles. Once a year (March) we have a meal out in a local pub. None of this going round each other's houses. Get yourself the village hall booked for the year OP.

Haha, just read the rest of the comments, I don't know how I feel about you eating penguins at any time of the day or night. TimTams, I will take whatever time someone brings them to me though.

Indeed, 10x5=50.

I’d feel so guilty if I had 10 people in my house and didn’t provide some snacks. A packet of crisps and a drink isn’t really a hassle is it?

fucking hell once a fortnight - that's pressure

but tbf our book group is once a month and is just to excuse the eating drinking and hanging out

I totally get it OP. It's not about biscuits and crisps (which I would put out anyway, as you have have tea without biscuits or wine without crisps)
It's what Lydia said about some people getting flustered about expectations for extravagant buffets and going over the top.
It's like the competitive cake baking that used to go on where I worked. Every week a different person in the department would bring in something on a Friday. It started with people buying a packet of jam tarts on the way in, and ended with fucking homemade red velvet cake that they were up all night baking.
I was still picking up a McVities ginger cake on the way in when it was my turn,but there were mutterings I'm telling you!

Why are some people seemingly incapable of doing anything without stuffing their faces at the same time?!

I agree that this sort of thing does contribute to the obesity crisis, it is becoming standard to have to include food in any activity when there really is no need, its just greed.

Or you can bring it up with the group and have a discussion, vote if need be and go from there. Not a big deal

Sorry, re the number of times hosting - a couple of members can't really do it because of home circumstances and last year I hosted 5 times due to another member being ill on her turn and others having to cancel a few times due to family circumstances.

It was probably a non typical year, but I would say about six out of the ten of us do more hosting than others. Not because of any CFery on the part of others, but because of stuff like one member having a job with erratic hours, another who was having a big house renovation last year and so on.

I probably host about 4 times on average in a year.

And yes, my complaint is as Lydia said - the fact that it's now escalated into a supper and will possibly end up becoming a full on meal.

People often opened some biscuits or put a plate of cake on the table and no one commented or even noticed. I would even bring out a box of chocolates that I hadn't opened and hand them around. It's the way it's started getting slightly more elaborate each time lately that's starting to annoy me.

There is a huge pleasure to be had in making and sharing a good cake or making food for people you like and get on with, I feel this is normal.

You cant have some people providing food and then you not doing really.

That's probably true but so unfortunate because it is a book club - and there may well be members who want to participate in a book club rather than a regular social event that involves consuming food.

packets of TimTams

I've never had a TimTam - am I missing out and should I rectify this?

I've never had a TimTam - am I missing out and should I rectify this?

yes