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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish people would stick to 'the rules' re book club entertaining

181 replies

parishmeeting · 16/01/2019 11:47

There's ten of us in the club, we meet once a fortnight, and we take it in turns to host. The agreement was that the only refreshments offered would be tea/coffee/wine. That way it didn't become a hassle for anyone. A few months ago one member had a birthday cake because it had been another member's birthday the day before. Fair enough. Then the next host produced biscuits and fruitcake. Then another host had a cheeseboard and a bowl of crisps. We're meeting tomorrow night and have been told that 'a light supper will be provided'.

It's now getting to the stage where anytime you host (which is about 5 times a year) you're going to be expected to provide a meal. That wasn't the idea and not all of us are happy about it.

AIBU to wish people wouldn't do this? My aunt said the same thing happened with a card group she belonged to. It went from tea and biscuits to fancy suppers and people got fed up.

OP posts:

FaFoutis · 16/01/2019 13:16

It is your normal higgy, I could not be arsed even though I love my book group. You are much nicer than me.

TimTams are £7.50 on Amazon.

SaturdayNext · 16/01/2019 13:17

Suggest that you have a preliminary meeting before the next session to discuss this. If people want catering, I'd suggest it should be on the basis that everyone brings something so that the onus isn't on the host each time, and makes it fairer for people who do more than their share of hosting. You could perhaps address that issue also.

grumiosmum · 16/01/2019 13:19

Shocked at a book group that meets every fortnight!

Ours meets every 2 months.

How on earth do you get through a new book every 2 weeks (and have time to read other things)?

CatnissEverdene · 16/01/2019 13:20

We had similar with our old PTFA meetings once a month. It got stupidly competitive in the end with homemade canapes and prosecco, artisan breads and cheeses..... and I backed out, as did many others. It's enough of a hassle tidying the bloody house and getting the kids to bed, let alone messing about with food.

JayoftheRed · 16/01/2019 13:20

And this is why my book group meets at the pub!

caringcarer · 16/01/2019 13:22

Crisps, nuts, popcorn and a packet of choccy biscuits. Thats all I would offer.

EssentialHummus · 16/01/2019 13:22

They're much cheaper on Ocado fa, if you're after a bulk order .

grumiosmum · 16/01/2019 13:23

Supper is normal at my book group.

It's competitively healthy/low calorie. Except for the thinnest, most glamorous member of the group who usually produces something en-croute followed by a sugary dessert. Because she can!

Nanny0gg · 16/01/2019 13:26

If some want to do more, why don't they host 'extra' evenings - maybe just social - where they can do their light suppers?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/01/2019 13:26

For the next host then, I'd suggest they send round a memo saying that they(you?) are getting back to basics, as agreed at the beginning, and just providing wine/coffee/tea and maybe biscuits (I'd keep the biscuits).

No harm in stating that it needs to be reined back again.

HeathRobinson · 16/01/2019 13:26

Thanks to this thread, I've realised I hate the word 'supper'.

IfNotNowThenWhy · 16/01/2019 13:27

I think it's a bit of a reach to suggest that this kind of thing adds to the obesity crisis
I think it's normal to have a little something on offer when people come over, you just don't have to go overboard.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/01/2019 13:27

Timtams are £7.50 on Amazon ???

OMG, that's so expensive! But not that surprising, since I have to pay AU$6.50 for an 80g block of Boursin here!

bringincrazyback · 16/01/2019 13:30

That would irritate me too OP - not the actual providing of food, but the expectation it places on the rest of the group to follow suit. People are so obsessed with food being served at all social events these days, and not everyone even enjoys it - eating in front of other people is stressful for me personally due to anxiety issues, and I'm sure I can't be the only one who doesn't like it, for that reason or any other reason such as digestive problems or intolerances.

I miss the days when people met up to talk, not stuff their faces.

Also, why on earth would people want a 'light supper' (and I'm curious to know what actually consists of, lol) when they've presumably already had their evening meal?

ladybee28 · 16/01/2019 13:30

What will happen if you just provide whatever you're comfortable with, OP?

Maybe I move in the wrong circles to understand this, but surely no actual heads will roll?

RedDogsBeg · 16/01/2019 13:30

I do wonder at the motivation of a person who decides to up the ante on the breaking of the catering 'rules' by offering a 'light supper', showing off is the only one I can think of.

The 'rules' regarding catering were agreed on when the club was originally set up if the 'look at meee' members want to change things then they should have had the courtesy to discuss it with all members beforehand.

thefirstmrsdewinter · 16/01/2019 13:31

I left mine due to the bring-a-dish thing. Someone was brave enough to say she would do snacks and no one should bring anything, but then I did something similar and got stick for it. I love these people one-on-one but I didn't enjoy ten of us trying to squeeze around a table groaning with food. It was a late dinner for me and for whatever reason the book discussion was always deferred until after the meal, so I had to rush over with a dish then eat a meal I didn't want just to get to the part I liked. It just wasn't for me.

I'm quite introverted so my idea of fun is maybe three people with shared reading tastes meeting after dinner at the pub. I'd start my own book group in that model but I'm afraid of insulting those in the existing group.

Belenus · 16/01/2019 13:32

Well the people that don’t want to provide a few snacks shouldn’t be eating the snacks provided if they can’t be bothered to take there turn. They will look mean.

Some people cannot afford to cater for a group of 10 people. They shouldn't feel excluded because of this since the original agreement was no snacks. It's not a question of whether or not they can be bothered. Really, a light supper for 10 people might be pretty much one person's weekly food budget, since it's basically 10 meals.

Christ but some MNers really do live in a cosseted bubble.

TheNavigator · 16/01/2019 13:36

I understand your irritation OP, the 'light supper' would irritate me. It changes the whole tenor from maybe providing a bowl of crisps & some biscuits into a catered evening. That then changes the whole tone. People start fretting about numbers and there is pressure about not turning up because you will have been catered for etc.

I'd nip it in the bud. Just say at the next meeting 'this supper is lovely, but can we please not make a regular thing of it? It is much easier on all of us to keep it more casual'. Warn a mate you are going to do it, so they can chip in that they agree right away and I bet others join in. Sort it before it gets out of hand.

steff13 · 16/01/2019 13:36

our book club became a supper club

We call ours snack club. We each bring something to every meeting though.

If you don't want to provide refreshments when you're hosting, then don't. Or maybe the people who object could start their own club.

PinkHeart5914 · 16/01/2019 13:36

If you were expected to host weekly I’d understand it but it’s 5 times a year and a light supper could well just be a cheeseboard tbh. You have the choice to just do drinks/ crisps or drink and a cake when it’s your turn

Our book group meets monthly and we have always had cava and cake while talking about the book, makes for a much more socialable night.

Whatjusthappenedthere · 16/01/2019 13:42

The club will become less like a book club and more like a “night out” with the girls at this rate. You are right to be annoyed. Who wants to listen to an opinion on a book when crisps and pizza are being digested.
YANBU
Light supper ? One up man shop if you ask me .

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 16/01/2019 13:46

I agree with some PP that you need to just get it out there at the next meeting and say that it has evolved and what to people want to do? Actually discuss it and make a decision.

If you don't want to provide anything then don't. If others have gone against it then that is up to them and they shouldn't expect back. I can't stand people who change things to suit themselves then moan when not everyone does it.

But ongoing, you do need to discuss it to stop any ill feeling.

user1474894224 · 16/01/2019 13:49

Help me out here - is light supper something you would have after your tea? Should you eat with the kids before going because you are only getting a snack....or if you pitch up having been fed do you then need to eat a whole other meal because the host has cooked it and it would be rude not to? Supper in my house when I was growing up was a glass of milk and a slice of toast for my brother. Nothing for me because I was greedy enough at tea time. A supper club and a book club are different things. I would enjoy both but at different times. You can simply say on your e-mail - drinks and biscuits only. - Maybe the person doing supper has very few other commitments and will enjoy catering for you all. Let her get her pleasure from that.

Cakemonger · 16/01/2019 13:51

This would annoy me too.

Just leave out a couple of packs of cheap biscuits and have done with it. If you buck the trend it sounds like some of the others might be relieved and follow suit. Just make it clear in the invite/email what will be provided.

A time to be firm I think.

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