To wish people would stick to 'the rules' re book club entertaining

[parishmeeting]

There's ten of us in the club, we meet once a fortnight, and we take it in turns to host. The agreement was that the only refreshments offered would be tea/coffee/wine. That way it didn't become a hassle for anyone. A few months ago one member had a birthday cake because it had been another member's birthday the day before. Fair enough. Then the next host produced biscuits and fruitcake. Then another host had a cheeseboard and a bowl of crisps. We're meeting tomorrow night and have been told that 'a light supper will be provided'.

It's now getting to the stage where anytime you host (which is about 5 times a year) you're going to be expected to provide a meal. That wasn't the idea and not all of us are happy about it.

AIBU to wish people wouldn't do this? My aunt said the same thing happened with a card group she belonged to. It went from tea and biscuits to fancy suppers and people got fed up.

My mother used to be part of a group who played bridge in each others houses one afternoon a week. She left when coffee and cake turned into late lunches with one or two people trying to outdo each other in elaborateness of the food. Several others left as well and now they've teamed up with a few other pairs and have happily resumed their Thurs afternoon coffee and cake sessions.

Some people just don't 'get' that not every social occasion has to be turned into a big event, and that it can be a complete turn off for people when one or two members of an activity start over complicating things.

Book clubs can get a bit crazy. I joined one about five years ago but gave them a heads-up at the start that I wouldn't be able to make every session because I was a trainee solicitor and often had to work late. Everyone seemed to accept that I'd do my very best to turn up but couldn't always make promises. Within a few months this had escalated into the book club founder sending everyone lots of emails in CAPITALS saying stuff like "THIS BOOK CLUB IS INTENDED TO CREATE A REALLY CLOSE GROUP OF BEST FRIENDS SO NOBODY SHOULD BE MISSING MEETINGS!!!!!!". One of the other members, who was supposedly a good friend of mine, had a go at me for cancelling on book club after my father had a heart attack, because she was so afraid of getting in trouble with the clique running it if I didn't turn up. The quality of discussion was shit too (I like a broad range of books but I wasn't sure what to say to people who thought Cold Comfort Farm was too " heavy").

Bloody hell Stuckbehind that sounds awful. Out of our 15 members, we regularly only get about 6 turn up. Nobody has to send apologies or explain why. Sometimes people just forget. As long as the library gets all 15 books back by a certain date, nobody gives a shit.

I’d hold my nerve and just go back to the original on my next night without any mentions. If anyone brings it up, I’d say ‘oh X’s supper? That was a one off.’

What actually happened was there was so much focus on the food and everyone getting a plate of stuff and getting settled and complimenting the food etc. that we barely got to discuss the book. Also, with Christmas intervening (our last meeting was early Dec. because it was impossible to get a night that everyone was free over Christmas and New Year) about half the group hadn't had time to finish it.
One of the group said "well, that's okay. When we get back to our normal meeting with just a glass of vino we'll discuss it. Let's just call tonight a social evening to welcome the New Year." Several of us eagerly agreed emphasising that it would be easier to have a proper discussion at 'one of our normal meetings' which lets the next host off the hook and hopefully things will go back to the way they were.

Thanks for all the responses.

I've been a member of two book clubs. One was mainly with people who worked with languages or literature. There was rarely alcohol and the discussions got quite in depth. The other was mainly friends through DC's school. Plenty of wine, plenty of food, plenty of chat, but a lot of members never read any of the books.

Both were enjoyable, but if you went to one expecting the other, you'd be disappointed. That's why setting out the expectations for a book club is important.

OP's group did set out the expectations, and now they're changing. Is there an organiser who could add a PS to an email saying "we're all looking forward to some wine and crisps!" or similar?