Stupid PILs knowingly put my baby at risk

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PILs (from other end of the country) came to visit my 2 month old (first visit since new born). Visited most of Saturday and half of yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight.

As they were leaving yesterday MIL announced that she didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want to cancel the trip but FIL had been off work sick the previous week. Apparently he’s on antibiotics for a sore throat, fever etc.

Fucking furious.

I have an auto immune disease, my baby is 8 weeks old. How could they be so stupid.

MIL said it literally as she was walking out of the door. AIBU to write a blistering email to the stupid pair of them?

And why did she tell me? Just to be a cow?

YANBU. But sent a calm email, not a blistering one - you’ll get further that way. Explain that while you were happy to see them, they must let you know in advance if they have been ill so that you can decide if it’s still ok to visit. Explain that you know they wouldn’t willingly put you at risk but you have an illness and your baby is young, so you have to be very careful.

With the greatest respect OP I think you’re over reacting a bit.

My mum has an auto immune condition (Addison’s disease) and I can’t see her starying away from someone with a sore throat

I wouldn’t write “a blistering email” as you’re likely to damage relations for good.

That is very selfish of them OP. I'd be very annoyed that they put your health at risk too, given that you have an auto immune disease. It's tiring enough looking after a little baby, without getting ill.

I would get your DH to have a word with them OP, they're his parents and as they could have made his wife and child ill he should be dealing with it.

Unless there’s a massive back story that you’re not telling us about i doubt she’s done it “to be a cow”

I have always been told that you are no longer contagious after 24 hrs on antibiotics. As it was the previous week that he was actively ill and has been taking abx since then no, I wouldn’t be worried. Things like this sent me into a panic with my first child and then all subsequent newborns had to live with toddler siblings bringing home the gunk and junk from all their little friends.

If he is on antibiotics and has been for awhile before they visited surely he is no longer contagious

It sounds like he was ill at the start

Send them an email telling how disappointed you are in them, and how important it is for them to be healthy when they visit.
Have they not been interested to visit beforehand.

Don’t care about sullying the relationship. They did that, not me.

instasham Sore throat? He’s on antibiotics.

No idea when he started the antibiotics or what the doctor said it was if they knew.

You are massively overreacting. A sore throat a week ago treated with antibiotics is not going to be infectious still. Your years of parenthood are going to be very stressful if you react like this all the while. Don’t send a snotty email.

Cranky17 “Disappointed” is a goodbye word, thanks.

YANBU but some people haven't got the common sense they were born with.

I had a family member visit when DS got home from neonatal but neglect to tell me they had been ill and DS was flaming oxygen dependent at the time.

Wasn't malice in our case just stupidity.

instasham Yes huge back story but all before baby came.

They visited in the hospital (LO was in ICU for a week after birth) and this was the first time they said they were coming down since.

She told me as she was walking out of the door so I could do nothing about it. She took away the choice from me.

Wow way OTT

Don’t care about sullying the relationship
Your dp might care

They will not have been infectious.

You are massively overreacting. A sore throat a week ago treated with antibiotics is not going to be infectious still. Your years of parenthood are going to be very stressful if you react like this all the while. Don’t send a snotty email.

I agree with Cherry.

He was obviously ok if he was well enough to travel and you didn't notice he was ill.

He won't have been contagious.

They were probably just dying to see their new grandchild.

I know what it's like to be an overprotective new mum, but you are BU

I'm also chronically ill with a buggered up immune system and someone's 'little cold' can mean losing weeks of income where I can't work, if I manage to stay out of hospital.

YANBU.

And PIL knew it as they intentionally concealed the fact from you until it was too late for you to protect yourself and your little baby, so it didn't inconvenience them.

I'd be spitting. I hope you and your baby don't suffer as a result of their selfishness.

You sound like a piece of work

No she doesn’t. She sounds like someone who is cross that someone came over to visit her and her young baby knowingly ill without giving her the option to postpone. The MIL’s comment shows they knew she may have wanted to. Don’t be nasty and try and make someone feel crap.

I would be annoyed, but there is little you can do now and sending a blistering email won't change things. Take solace in the fact it's unlikely he was contagious and next time they come, ask them before to clarify they are well. Make the point then about baby/you but to do so now will just cause upset for everyone.

So OP what would you do if it is you or your partner on antibiotics?

And sounds like he was on the mend or you would have noticed that he was ill