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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stupid PILs knowingly put my baby at risk

230 replies

hirstprint · 14/01/2019 14:20

PILs (from other end of the country) came to visit my 2 month old (first visit since new born). Visited most of Saturday and half of yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight.

As they were leaving yesterday MIL announced that she didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want to cancel the trip but FIL had been off work sick the previous week. Apparently he’s on antibiotics for a sore throat, fever etc.

Fucking furious.

I have an auto immune disease, my baby is 8 weeks old. How could they be so stupid.

MIL said it literally as she was walking out of the door. AIBU to write a blistering email to the stupid pair of them?

OP posts:
Original poster
hirstprint · 14/01/2019 19:03

Dragon3 Yes, that was it. It was a “gotcha”.

OP posts:
onefootinthegrave · 14/01/2019 19:05

For all those siding with the OP's inlaws, hope you've just read her update. Let's hope you don't hear from them for a long while OP, they sound ignorant and hateful.

Mishappening · 14/01/2019 19:10

I think that a polite note saying that you would be grateful if they could let you know if either of them have any bugs so that you are able to make a decision about visits. Then leave it at that.

The likelihood that your child will catch anything from this visit is small - they stayed in a hotel and he probably did not slobber all over the baby whilst he was there. It sounds as though his bug was an old one at the tail end - and he was on antibiotics. Your baby will get antibodies from your milk to anything he/she might catch from anyone else.

Your MIL was a bit daft to announce it as she left.

StreetwiseHercules · 14/01/2019 19:10

I honestly think some people enjoy being angry. They get a buzz out of it. I’ll never understand that.

Veterinari · 14/01/2019 19:10

For all those siding with the OP's inlaws, hope you've just read her update. Let's hope you don't hear from them for a long while OP, they sound ignorant and hateful.

Yes that’s right - because those of us pointing out that antibiotics prevent infection and that auto-immune disorders don’t necessarily increase infection risk clearly have no idea what we’re talking about.

Welcome to MN and Good luck with your first post by the way OP. Shame the chat with the IL. Escalated so very ‘dramatically’

Thisonewilldo · 14/01/2019 19:10

Your baby is going to be around lots of germs in its life. My daughter had a terrible cold at a week old that my son brought home from nursery - I should have got him well told off for 'endangering' his sister. Lets not forget bronchiolitis at 8 weeks, an ear infection at 12....I could go on.

Just wait until they are at nursery and school, life is just one big cold/cough/asthma attack from October - March in this house.

But then you only want to read things that agree with you clearly so yeah they are horrible, go NC blah blah blah.

Mishappening · 14/01/2019 19:11

Just read the latest post - oh dear. Sorry to hear that.

Superchill · 14/01/2019 19:15

Which auto immune disorder OP?

Sounds like twbu in your subsequent conversation, but twnu in the first place.

grinchypants · 14/01/2019 19:22

I've read the last post. I still think fucking furious is a bit much.
I still think your attitude towards them was just as horrid.
Neither one of you sounds better than the other

Mumofaprinny · 14/01/2019 19:25

Your pil are spiteful and would not be putting up with that kind of treatment. Hopefully you Dh will see that after his phone call. Make that their last visit for a long time!!!

Owwlie · 14/01/2019 19:27

OP I think the update makes it pretty clear what type of people they are. If FIL is too ill to work then why did he think he was well enough to be around an 8 week old baby. Clearly they're extremely selfish, too selfish to even acknowledge their own sons feelings.

And those saying the OP is being unreasonable as it's just a cold, have they not read the post about the OPs son spending a week in NICU after he was born? That would obviously make you more anxious about their health and wellbeing whilst they're still so little.

Original poster
hirstprint · 14/01/2019 19:29

Don't want to put my medical stuff because it might out me. This isn’t my first post, just a name change because I wanted to see if I was overreacting to the sneakiness of the “gotcha” and my backstory would colour the issue.

Looks like it is 50:50, those who think we are, in FIL’s words, being “gay” about it, and those that don’t.

C’est le vie

OP posts:
JeremyCorbynsCoat · 14/01/2019 19:31

I'd be pretty pissed off, but I do have major health anxiety issues.

But FWIW I don't think YABU

CatnissEverdene · 14/01/2019 19:31

I'd send a letter/card just saying "it was lovely to see you, however next time we'd really appreciate you being honest about any illness and let us make the decision about what to expose myself and our baby too. I'm really disappointed you chose to hide FILs illness and took that choice away from us. I really worry about being unwell with my X and Y, especially with a newborn baby to look after, which I'm sure you appreciate".

If they did it again, I'd have a big issue. But don't go in all guns blazing, it's been done now. You just need to make sure it doesn't happen again and that you can trust them to be honest. I'm diabetic and get majorly pissed off if I'm knowingly exposed to germs.

Superchill · 14/01/2019 19:33

Naming the auto immune disease will not out you. Your pil will recognise this anyway. Tbh, anyone who knows you will recognise the story/thought patterns well.

I think it's interesting that you won't name the auto immune disease that means you can't be around sore throats. It's going to be a real issue having a germy kid in the house.

Disquieted1 · 14/01/2019 19:35

So what's the end result here? Your husband has had a major falling out with his parents. That's it as far as I can see.

DistanceCall · 14/01/2019 19:35

Your husband should talk to them, not you. They are his relatives, not yours.

Fusioluxe · 14/01/2019 19:37

Superchill, I read it as meaning outing on the board, not to the inlaws

Dragon3 · 14/01/2019 19:37

OP let DP deal with them from now on. Don't let this spoil any time with your lovely baby. It was selfish, but not worth any more of your brainspace at this point Flowers

TSSDNCOP · 14/01/2019 19:38

Do the PIL actually know you’ve got this condition and what the impact may be?

Superchill · 14/01/2019 19:41

The only people I have met who say they have a generic "auto immune" disease generally having nothing of the sort, in terms of organic pathology, hence my curiosity. Also, diabetes and infection is different to coeliac and infection. OP mentioned her illness to try and back up that sinbu, yet it depends on what the illness is. I doubt the illness is rare enough to be outing.

grinchypants · 14/01/2019 19:41

"Turned into a gay bastard"

"My MIL is a stupid cow I'm fucking furious"

You both sound as delightful as each other Biscuit
Your poor husband

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 19:43

This is the kind of thread that makes me sad that my eldest in his 20's is male - I'll be the MIL one day.

I bet if OP's own Mum couldn't see the baby for 8 weeks it would be fine to come visit after a week of anti-b's.

First baby OP? Hospital birth? You should be glad you didn't come out with MRSA (over-reaction I know.)

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 19:45

Missed "Turned into a gay bastard" Must go back and read thoroughly Grin.

Taken baby out in the buggy at all? Maybe to the supermarket? Jesus the amount of cashiers that have coughed sneezed and hacked over my food as they are scanning made me want to bleach the lot! I did pull that face...

MarilynSlumroe · 14/01/2019 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.