Stupid PILs knowingly put my baby at risk

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PILs (from other end of the country) came to visit my 2 month old (first visit since new born). Visited most of Saturday and half of yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight.

As they were leaving yesterday MIL announced that she didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want to cancel the trip but FIL had been off work sick the previous week. Apparently he’s on antibiotics for a sore throat, fever etc.

Fucking furious.

I have an auto immune disease, my baby is 8 weeks old. How could they be so stupid.

MIL said it literally as she was walking out of the door. AIBU to write a blistering email to the stupid pair of them?

I think it is irrelevant whether OP is over-reacting or not. It just looks like a blatant attempt to wind her up. Nice little parting shot, then buggering off quickly before any fallout.

Willing to bet that they will be all wide eyed and innocent if the DH tackles them about it.

I think Tinkylittlefart pretty much nails it.

However a bacterial throat infection that requires antibiotic is not contagious!!

It was very selfish of them not to have told you in advance. Even if the bug isn't serious, most new parents can do without a minor illness on top of all the changes that parenthood brings. But your MIL might have mentioned it to forewarn you in case the baby gets ill rather than as a gotcha.

I would take some time to calm down. Your baby will almost certainly be fine if PIL was on antibiotics. Then get DP to speak to them and remind them not to do this again.

Massive over reaction. Not infectious. Prob didnt tell you as you are histrionic

I'd say she probably told you just as she left just in case either of you came down with it and couldn't imagine where you'd picked it up from!
Not to be a cow, but to give you the info.
But of course they should have told you before - and I hope FIL didn't get too up close and personal with either you or the baby.

Confusedbeetle I think if they are in the habit of dropping bombshells like that then walking away its understandable normal people ring and check if it's a problem first

I do understand what it’s like to have an autoimmune disease. I have had one my entire life. That doesn’t change my answer. This is not something that would worry or bother me and certainly doesn’t warrant a nasty email. If OP really feels she must then she should at least wait until somebody is actually ill.

Your FIL has been on antibiotics for nearly a week when they came to see you.
Whatever bacteria (not virus, antibiotics don’t work in viruses) he had won’t be contagious anymore.
Eg if you have (bacterial) tonsillitis, just 24h on antibiotics means you are not contagious anymore (from the NHS website).

So I would say that you and your baby were protected/ok from the illness your FIL had. The fact he was well enough to travel to see too means he clearly was over it too.

I get that you will be very worried if your baby was in ICU for a week after birth and you have health problems too (as I do btw).
However, in this particular instance, I think there was no particular risk to you or the baby.

I'm severely immunocompomised due to autoimmune neutropenia and I wouldn't be bothered after a week. If someone had active tonsillitis then yes

What does your DP think of his parents actions? Cant he have a word with them?

If you'd spent that much time with him and not noticed him dying on his arse with illness and his antibiotics course had done it's job I think you may be being a tad dramatic.

Anyway what does your dh think them being his parents and all?

My god there's some idiots on this thread... it's totally selfish and irresponsible to spend a weekend with an 8 week old when you've been unwell. Especially as you are more susceptible yourself. That's the last thing anyone needs with newborn sleep deprivation!

At least tell the parents so that they have the choice.

'Dont be nasty and make someone feel crap' Umm i think that's what she is trying to do with her in-laws, I can see why they dont visit much

You and your baby are very unlikely to catch anything, tbh. He's highly unlikely to be infectious, as the antibiotics will have killed the bacteria.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable; you have a new baby whose immune system may not be fully developed and you yourself have an autoimmune disorder. Your PILs knew this and still chose to visit, putting you both at risk. Even if FIL was on antibiotics the infection could have been brewing in MIL. I agree it was very selfish to visit and spiteful to tell you as they were leaving.
However, a blistering email would cause so much animosity between you and possibly DH. Tell your DH how you feel, next time they want to visit ask very pointedly if they have or been in contact with any infectious diseases as you don’t want to be put at risk again.
My MIL brought children with whooping cough to visit me and my tiny newborn and told me on the way out. I know something of how you feel.

I think your in-laws were out of order, I don’t have an auto immune diagnosis but have a severe disability and weakened immune system and a cold will go straight into a chest infection, if not bronchitis/ pneumonia. I have had multiple UTI’s and have had septicaemia twice in the last two years as a result. I cannot be around sick people, it is too dangerous!

When my ds was weeks old my gmil who I adored, had a severe chest infection (she had lung cancer). My dh and I wanted to take ds through to see her but consulted the midwife/ hv/ g.p to ask advice on whether it was ok to take ds to visit gmil. We were advised that we should absolutely NOT visit and take a risk whilst ds was so little, unfortunately gmil died a few weeks later (dh took photo’s of ds in to visit gmil every evening). Likewise when dd was born two years later, my DA who had cancer contracted swine flu and sadly passed away. My g.p banned me and dd from going to the funeral, because of the risk of dd or myself contracting swine flu.

There have been awful viruses doing the rounds with one going right through my family like a set of dominoes! My dc were unwell for the majority of December, they normally have sturdy immune systems! A newborn would be vulnerable to RSV or even pneumonia or sepsis.

I think your in-laws were incredibly selfish in withholding the fact that your FIL was unwell! I just hope that their unbelievably selfish behaviour doesn’t impact on your or your little ones health!

If your in-laws are normally healthy, then perhaps you can repay their kindness when your little one has their first sickness bug.

I am too nice to actually do/ say anything as selfish as that.

This is you parent's in law. Not your parents. So if you have a problem you need to speak to your husband about it not rant at your PIL. By the next time they'll visit baby will be older and being ill will likely matter even less.
Everyone is fine - why would you create a row.

People on here are rotten.

Even if you think OP is BU, calling her histrionic etc is OTT and nasty. What a shower you are.

OP, I think they were out of order, but I do think it's up to your DH to say something. Otherwise they will roll their eyes and make out you're the one that's being unreasonable. My DS was 31 weeks and spent 3 months in ICU, and for the first year he was sick as a dog. I had a relative that would come round with diarrhoea and not tell me because she knew I would have cancelled. They have no idea what it's like when your baby is more susceptible to sickness and ends up in hospital with bronchiolitis, sickness & dehydration etc. I'd be pissed off in your shoes.

Ignore those on this thread that are being unneccessarily unkind, and just be glad you don't know them IRL. And take comfort in the fact that you wouldn't be this fucking rude to anyone else posting in your shoes.

But def discuss with your DH and ask him to bring it up next time they are planning on visiting.

You are overreacting about the sore throat but I can understand why you'd be upset MIL told you as they were leaving, that seems a bit spiteful.

I expect they didn't want to tell you because they knew you'd massively overreact, not because they were any risk to you or your baby.

And they weren't wrong, were they?

Well, to be fair, 'put my baby at risk' is quite an extreme statement. It suggests that they left the child unguarded with a large dog or left it alone in a bath or something. Every time you go out you are putting your child at risk of catching a virus.

So I think the OP is being unreasonable. It might be more reasonable to say that she was a little annoyed that her PILs didn't tell her that one of them had been ill and was worried that her baby might get sick - but 'fucking furious', 'so stupid' and 'blistering email' are all a little over the top. Every second person on the bus has a cold.

I'd be really cross but I think you need to think smart

Perhaps get their son to write the email as it'll be received better

Mum and dad - lovely to see you, I'm really upset though thst you put yourselves before the health of my wife and child. You may think a sore throat is ok to inflict
Upon my family but it's not your decision to make, it's ours. Had I known dad had been prescribed antibiotics I'd have known he had a bacterial
Infection so probably ought to stay clear of a newborn and my wife who has an autoimmune disorder - you're not medicallly qualified and it's not fair for you to make decisions like that. We welcomed you to our home but in return we expect you to value and respect us, which means making tough decisions sometimes such as visit a week or two later as you're not well enough

Those who think OP INBU: What do you think healthcare professionals do when they are/have been unwell? Just wondering.

What's the backstory here OP?