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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stupid PILs knowingly put my baby at risk

230 replies

hirstprint · 14/01/2019 14:20

PILs (from other end of the country) came to visit my 2 month old (first visit since new born). Visited most of Saturday and half of yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight.

As they were leaving yesterday MIL announced that she didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want to cancel the trip but FIL had been off work sick the previous week. Apparently he’s on antibiotics for a sore throat, fever etc.

Fucking furious.

I have an auto immune disease, my baby is 8 weeks old. How could they be so stupid.

MIL said it literally as she was walking out of the door. AIBU to write a blistering email to the stupid pair of them?

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 14/01/2019 14:39

I doubt he would still be infectious. It is not something that would bother me. Life goes on.

letsdolunch321 · 14/01/2019 14:40

She told you as she was leaving as she probably knew you would react in this unreasonable manner.

I am currently on antibiotics due to an ear infection that does mean I am contiguous.

Obviously if any illness should occur with your dc you will have to deal with it. Fingers crossed it will all be fine.

Weathermonger · 14/01/2019 14:41

If the FIL had been off work for a week and had been prescribed anti-biopics, I think it's safe to say it's more than "just a sore throat" and the OP has every right to be pissed off. However instead of a blistering email, I think the OPs husband should be having a stern talk with his parents

Mia1415 · 14/01/2019 14:41

Sorry but I think you are overreacting.

Penguin34 · 14/01/2019 14:42

Maybe send a 'blistering email' if one or both of you get ill.

If you don't get Ill then it doesn't really matter that he had been unwell previously.

Save yourself some stress and also see if you can have a nap

Cwtches123 · 14/01/2019 14:43

It does sound like you are overreacting! You obviously didn't notice anything, so no visible signs of illness. Given that he had been on antibiotics I can't see the problem, he wasn't coughing and sneezing all over you.

MikeUniformMike · 14/01/2019 14:44

He wasn't ill or on antibiotics. She said it to wind you up.
Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that it worked.

RainbowWaffles · 14/01/2019 14:46

When you say off sick the previous week, does that mean he was at work the whole week of the visit? If he was on antibiotics had recovered sufficiently to spend the week at work before he came, you are massively over reacting, he wouldn’t have been contagious. If it was off sick the whole of the week they came to see you and visited after being sick from work the day before then I wouldn’t be impressed either. I wouldn’t send an email though and would let DH deal with it, they’re his parents.

swingofthings · 14/01/2019 14:46

Wait to see if you or your baby catch something. If you do, let them know that you are ill because of they wrongly assessed they were not contagious and you/bay are now suferring as a result.

If neither of you get ill, then accept that most likely he was contageous and your reaction was over the top.

Angiemum24 · 14/01/2019 14:48

They sound like selfish gits. Hopefully him being on antibiotics means it’s bacterial and not contagious. Did he kiss baby? If he did then I would make an appointment with the gp.

Original poster
hirstprint · 14/01/2019 14:50

Knicknackpaddyflak thank you, you understand.

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 14/01/2019 14:54

That was really selfish of them,I wouldn't be sending them any emails but they wouldn't be coming to stay again that's for sure.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 14/01/2019 14:56

You're no longer contagious 24 hrs after starting antibiotics

YABU but understand with an 8 week old baby

Flyinggeese · 14/01/2019 14:56

OP I get it and I think what's worse is that they told you as they were leaving; that's got a really sneaky element to it. As if their excitement to visit has somehow trumped your right to the opportuity to say you'd rather they wait until they're well.

Any decent person would be really disappointed but call you to say 'look I'm a bit under the weather and don't want any risk of passing it on, we'll see you in a few weeks if that's OK?'

What I wouldn't do is email though - that seems like a business communication and I think family & friends stuff is just so much better by phone.

MrsJane · 14/01/2019 14:59

That's so selfish! I'd let people know I was ill if there was an 8 week old baby OR if there was someone with an auto immune disease, but both?! Of course you'd mention it beforehand, any responsible adult would.

They were very selfish and irresponsible.

I'd send them a calm but firm email explaining why it was probably a poor decision to continue with the visit and insist they tell you if a similar situation ever arises again. Hopefully just a one off bad judgement on their part.

OhMickeyWhatAPity · 14/01/2019 15:01

I don't get the relevance of you having an autoimmune condition?

icannotremember · 14/01/2019 15:03

What selfish people!

As for all the pp assuring op she is overreacting- how could you possibly know? Are you the op? Do you have a detailed knowledge of her condition? It is rude to visit someone with an auto immune disorder and very young baby and not to tell them of a very recent illness requiring sick leave and antibiotics. And it is both rude and unkind to tell them about it as you are leaving. The op should have been given the choice.

SofiaAmes · 14/01/2019 15:03

So much ignorance on this thread. Do any of you know what it means to have an autoimmune disease? A "little cold" can mean anything from weeks of illness, to hospitalization, to death. My DS who is now 18 ended up in the emergency room only a few weeks ago from a "little sore throat." He missed weeks to months of school every semester from "little colds, " yet all the parents around me kept insisting I was OTT and should stop mollycoddling my DS. They should see the 3 foot high stack of medical instructions I get each year (!) with the latest up to date information on how to treat DS and manage his disease. I am so glad he wasn't their child because he would be dead by now.
And all of the above applies 10 fold to a baby who has just been in the NICU. Just because you have healthy young children, doesn't mean you know what it's like to be the carer of a medically fragile baby. And I can't even imagine how much more difficult that would be as a medically fragile parent.
OP my heart goes out to you. But I do advise figuring out how to not stress out too much over all the ignorant behavior that you will come across in your child's lifetime. You will need a strategy to manage this because your IL's will not be the only ones to take upon themselves the task of contradicting your doctors and "re-educating" you as to how to care for your child.

StowawayJo · 14/01/2019 15:05

OP AIBU?
everyone- YES

OP no I'm not there's a massive backstory which I'm not telling you.

Ok moving on....

Allthewaves · 14/01/2019 15:05

But if hes been on antibiotics a week surely he's not infectious anymore

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 14/01/2019 15:06

I think you are overreacting, sorry

I'm used to being around people with auto-immune conditions, and people on immunosuppressant medication. Yes, you have to be careful. But being ill a week before, and having been treated - FIL is highly unlikely to have put either you or the baby at risk.

I'm sure that he would not have visited if he was symptomatic.
I don't know why she told you though!

instasham · 14/01/2019 15:06

I do understand Addison’s Disease which is an autoimmune disease @SofiaAmes and you just need to get on with it. Like I said, I haven’t seen my mother avoid anyone with a sore throat.

TheGoddessFrigg · 14/01/2019 15:07

I have an autoimmune condition- a serious one. You cannot avoid every single cold or flu virus. In fact, wait until your child starts nursery - s/he will bring home everything!

Hogtini · 14/01/2019 15:07

Angiemum24 what would the GP be expected to say?! Surely they would just advise to monitor baby and herself?
Please don't waste a GP appointment on this OP. Speak to a pharmacist or NHS direct if you're worried.

NOTthepinkranger · 14/01/2019 15:08

Oh you sound like a proper dramatic arse