Ex spent money to go on holiday

[coplings]

Ex rang dh crying she had no money for their child. He pays weekly maintenance as well as as extras.

Dh gave ex a lump sum of money (she asks for a certain amount)

A few weeks later ex goes on a drinking holiday without telling us - not that she needs to but obviously dh needs to know where step child is while she is gone

Dh then finds out through a mutual friend of both of theirs that the money has been used to go on this holiday and not spent on the child. He knows this because the woman that booked the holiday (it's a group of women who went) did it on the same day as the money was transferred for the exact amount she asked for (well she asked for £400 and the holiday was £394)

What should he do?

What’s a drinking holiday?

There is nothing he can do.

In future, not give her money other than maintenance and perhaps remind her that there are more women out there who should receive maintenance who receive nothing at all. For years on end.

Pull her up on when she gets back and say that from now on, he'll only be paying her the maintenance.

If his child needs anything else, she can let him know and he'll take the child shopping for it rather than giving her the money.

Cheeky cow!

Stop the extras until she's paid it back.

Nothing he can do except be a bit wiser and not send 'lump sums' in the future. It should never be a problem with normal co-parents but she doesn't sound up to a great standard of parenting!
He should just pay the basic maintenance, and then buy stuff for his kids when they're with him, rather than giving her the responsibility of his money.

Nothing he can do without punishing his DC as reducing how much he gives her to cover it will adversely effect her

I think he should let ex know that he knows, maybe request she pays it back but my question is what happened to Dc while she was away drinking?

Not a lot he can do really except not give lump sums in the future.

And btw she doesn’t have to inform you where child is when gone. It’s polite but not obligatory.

He needs to put it down as a lesson learnt, in future no additional payments given and if the child needs something but it directly.

Stop the extras.

Don't do anything. He shouldn't withhold maintenance because of it but don't give her any extra in future. Or if she genuinely needs extra for the DC then he could buy whatever the child needs rather than give the money to her.

why is he paying for his step child ? sorry, am being a bit dim. he could always buy for the dc actual things and not give cash .ex sounds a cf from what you are saying.

symphony going on holiday to get regularly hammered perhaps ?

So it was a lie to get him to pay for a holiday?

Does she usually manage OK?

Where was his child while his ex was away?

@paintinmyhairAgain it's my step child

@Rachie1973 they have a daily FaceTime he's the step child loves and relies on everyday so yes he does need to know who the child is staying with. And of course he should want to know who is looking after his child.

To everyone else, yes totally agree there is nothing he can do. She said this a few weeks ago before Xmas and said she had no money to buy any Xmas presents. It's also the child's birthday just after Xmas and said she had no money for birthday gifts either. Really made dh feel guilty. I heard the call and fell for it too.

Just a lesson learnt but obviously dh is quite rightly pissed off as am I. We have joint finances/bank account so that's my money too.

@diddl yes it was a lie. She works part time he claims benefits as a single parent and also has a lodger. She's usually more than ok financially as she has a very busy and socially.

The child was with his grandma and aunty while she was away

why is he paying for his step child ?
Where does it say that? It's 'their child'.

ohreallyohreallyoh
perhaps remind her that there are more women out there who should receive maintenance who receive nothing at all. For years on end.

What's that got to do with anything?

I wonder how much the 'weekly maintenance' is, that he pays? From what I've seen in threads on MN, maintenance seems to be tiny amounts, women are expected to take a huge hit to their and their children's standard of living.

This isn't me 'projecting' which is always the accusation on here, it's what I've gathered from reading about single mother's experiences.

I'd be telling the kid the real reason why their mum can't afford Christmas and birthday gifts. She's pissing it abroad rather than being in dire straits as previously explained. Shameless bitch, putting her own needs before her child's & using her kid as an excuse to fleece money.

If he had to use joint money to pay ex then he couldn’t afford it either. Seperate your finances.

juelle it might have been op's typo but they said 'their child' and abit later wanting know where 'stepchild was while she was gone' is this the same child or are there to dc, that's why i'm confused.

coplings cross posted.

@Storybarn that would be a disgusting thing to do to a young child. You should never ever slag off the other parent to your child regardless of how they act, it's spiteful and selfish. I'm divorced and wouldn't dream of bad mouthing my ex to my son.

storybarn hope you never do this to your dc, that's awful it makes you look bad as well, dc aren't weapons in any shape or form.

@Cherries101 not al are, you've got that completely wrong! What I'm saying is in our marriage we don't have separate money. His wage and my wage go into one joint account which we live off together. We aren't 'this is my money and that's yours'. We don't work like that and do no need to separate our finances.

Honestly some comments you get on here are ridiculous

@Storybarn never ever ever would we slag off the mother to the child!!!! Omg how awful. Yep the mother isn't the best but let's screw the child up even more by us slagging her off to a little 6 year old. Sounds like a plan

Has he spoken to the ex?

I would be angry too op.