Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed we were still expected to pay?

233 replies

Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:14

Hi all some advice would be appreciated as i’m unsure if i’m right in feeling this way. So the situation goes, a friend of mine was having a party and wanted to hire a hot tub for it. There was only 3 couples attending this small party and we all agreed to split the cost. However the day of the party my husband got severe food poisoning and ended up in hospital so obviously we couldn’t attend. Our friends continued with the party and enjoyed the hot tub. However the day after they asked for our part of the money. I was surprised but paid up as didn’t want to get into a debate. The thing is at the time I was off on maternity leave and financially we weren’t doing great. The other 2 couples have no kids, full time jobs and living very comfortably. I just felt it was a bit shitty of them to ask for the money after everything that happened? What do you think? Cheers

OP posts:
LEDadjacent · 09/01/2019 19:16

If you commit to share a cost you still have to pay if you drop out last minute.

Fatasfook · 09/01/2019 19:16

Your financial situation doesn’t matter because you had agreed to pay for this anyway. Morally they shouldnt have asked though.

CoffeeRunner · 09/01/2019 19:16

I wouldn’t have asked you for any money in those circumstances, no.

Biancadelriosback · 09/01/2019 19:17

You agreed to the hot tub while being well aware of your own financial situation. You could have said no. Your friend had already booked it so why should she be short cash because your DH was poorly? That wasn't her fault.
Don't commit to things which cost other people money then try and get out of it. That is pretty shitty

juneybean · 09/01/2019 19:17

I think the maternity leave is a red herring, you were happy to pay when you were going to use.

However I'd be a bit miffed I didn't get use of it.

JamAtkins · 09/01/2019 19:18

If I was them I wouldn’t have asked. If I was you I would have offered. It still cost the same whether you went or not and they agreed to get it based on a four way split. You see this a lot when people arrange to go to a concert or trip somewhere and one person books and others get flakey about coughing up after the expense has been incured and it’s not nice

M00nUnit · 09/01/2019 19:18

How much is your share of the cost?

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 09/01/2019 19:18

It would have been nice for them to say forget about it but at the same time you had agreed to pay 1/3 - surely if things were that tight you wouldn’t have been spending money on something as frivilous as a hot tub in the first place 🤔

If it were anything else, theatre tickets, flights...etc would you have expected an automatic refund because your DP got sick? Doubt it!

LadyOfTheCanyon · 09/01/2019 19:19

So what if everyone pulled out? the host just covers the cost?
You are BU I'm afraid. If you couldn't afford it when you said yes, that's a problem. You don't get to plead poverty after the fact, sorry.

Vegisgrowingwell · 09/01/2019 19:19

I hurt my arm and couldn't drive to my friend's hen do but still paid for my room as if not people were out of pocket.

Returnofthesmileybar · 09/01/2019 19:19

Yabu, it's like anything really if you commit to pay and cancel last minute then you still have to pay

MissConductUS · 09/01/2019 19:19

If my daughter misses a lesson with her maths tutor without sufficient notice we still have to pay, as the time was reserved for her.

Still, under the circumstances it was a bit ungracious of them to ask you to pay.

Beeziekn33ze · 09/01/2019 19:20

'Friends' - not very compassionate ones though. Do you want to keep them, I don't think I would!

Drogosnextwife · 09/01/2019 19:21

Well you agreed to pay the money before your dh got food poisoning so if you couldn't really afford it why did you agree to go? They were right to ask for the money.

LordNibbler · 09/01/2019 19:22

So why did you commit to it if you couldn't afford it?
The bill still needs paying whether you turn up or not.

Loveweekends10 · 09/01/2019 19:22

You committed and dropped out at the last minute. You could have still gone couldn’t you? You didn’t have a bug.

Derma · 09/01/2019 19:23

Do you think they believed your reason for not attending?

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 09/01/2019 19:23

If financially you weren’t doing great then why do you agree to it in the first place? You can’t use that as an excuse after

Looneytune253 · 09/01/2019 19:24

Of course you should pay. Why should they be out of pocket!!

Kemer2018 · 09/01/2019 19:24

They had an understanding of their cut. To expect them to pay your cost at the last minute is not ideal.
You need to pay. It is bad luck though 🙁

Costacoffeeplease · 09/01/2019 19:24

Of course you should still pay, if it had had to be paid for in advance you already would have paid - it wasn’t an entrance fee

LadyOfTheCanyon · 09/01/2019 19:25

I think an easy way of looking at it is to flip the situation - if you were the person left holding the bill and chasing your friends for payment would you be all " oh cool, guys, no probs- call me when you have a minute!?" Of course not!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2019 19:26

They shouldn’t have had to ask you, you should have just paid it.

Brainfogmcfogface · 09/01/2019 19:27

Yabu for reasons already stated. Agree maternity leave is a red herring, you already committed. Your DP being poorly does not negate your commitment to pay a third of the cost, you may think it’s unfair as you couldn’t help the illness but at the same time, why should your friends be out of pocket for something they had no control over either?!.

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 09/01/2019 19:27

I don’t think it’s fair to expect your friend to cover yours and your husbands share because you dropped out last minute. I totally understand you being frustrated at having to pay even though you couldn’t use it, but I think you would be very unreasonable to refuse to pay in this situation. As a PP has said, if you were struggling financially to the extent that you couldn’t afford it, you wouldnt have agreed to take part on the first place.

It might have been Nice for the couples who still went, to pay a little bit more each to reduce your share just to be nice? But I wouldn’t say they’re in the wrong for not doing.