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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed we were still expected to pay?

233 replies

Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:14

Hi all some advice would be appreciated as i’m unsure if i’m right in feeling this way. So the situation goes, a friend of mine was having a party and wanted to hire a hot tub for it. There was only 3 couples attending this small party and we all agreed to split the cost. However the day of the party my husband got severe food poisoning and ended up in hospital so obviously we couldn’t attend. Our friends continued with the party and enjoyed the hot tub. However the day after they asked for our part of the money. I was surprised but paid up as didn’t want to get into a debate. The thing is at the time I was off on maternity leave and financially we weren’t doing great. The other 2 couples have no kids, full time jobs and living very comfortably. I just felt it was a bit shitty of them to ask for the money after everything that happened? What do you think? Cheers

OP posts:
AWishForWingsThatWork · 09/01/2019 20:38

And yes, previous poster asks a very good question: if YOU and your DH had gone to the hot tub party, and the third couple had pulled out, would you have happily paid half of their costs to cover them?

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 09/01/2019 20:42

It's a bit tight of them asking for the money, though technically it was agreed beforehand so they were within their rights. I would have said not to worry about it given the circumstances...

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 09/01/2019 20:48

It was a bit mean of the others to ask you for the money. Considering you had had a rotten time and missed out on a fun event you would have thought they would have covered it for you. I would have done, but then some people are incredibly tight about money.

diddl · 09/01/2019 20:49

I'd like to think that in the same circs I'd have paid the extra tbh.

Maybe it just didn't occur to them?

I mean Idk, they sent a pic to a guy who wasn't there due to being in hospital...

Cloudsurfing · 09/01/2019 20:53

You committed then dropped out. Regardless of the reason, you should pay. If I was your friends I would have expected you to offer to pay, then would have probably said not to worry about it (unless I needed the money, or you had form for dropping out). If you hadn't offered though I would have asked for it as it's rude not to pay for something you agreed to.

NicolaStart · 09/01/2019 21:01

The use of the phrase 'sex pond' will guarantee that this thread ends up in the Daily Mail.

Habadabadoo · 09/01/2019 21:01

Can you get chlamydia from a sex tub?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 09/01/2019 21:05

I'm not sure that you can get chlamydia from a hot tub, but you can definitely get legionnaire's from one. It's the perfect temperature for breeding legionella bacteria unless the chemical additives are balanced just right, and you inhale it in the steam.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 09/01/2019 21:11

YABU. You shouldn't have agreed to go in if it was a stretch to afford it. Not at all different from backing out last minute for theatre or plane tickets because it's not at all a given that you can sell them last minute. Lesson learned.

Trudstrundr2 · 09/01/2019 21:12

yabu

mat leave, etc are irrelevant. you agreed to pay a share.

i'd have found it embarrassing to even need to be asked for it tbh, you should have paid beforehand.

also, stop commenting on other people's finances, you have no idea of their commitments or financial situation - get your beak out, you're assuming they have more disposable income than you but you've no idea really at all!

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 21:14

@AWishForWingsThatWork

Definitely! In the same circumstances, that’s why i’m annoyed. Classic case of expecting others to treat you how you’d treat them. Tbh it’s a constant downfall of mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 21:17

@Cloudsurfing

Playing devils advocate.... what if someone had died? Is it really that cut throat?

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 09/01/2019 21:20

i dont know i mean what if the host had already taken the money off you would you want a refund

i woldnt have sent u a pic of the nice time i was having but i woldnt want to cover the cost either

ShirleyPhallus · 09/01/2019 21:20

You should count yourselves lucky you didn’t dive in to chlamydia soup

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 21:20

@jessstan2

What a strange thing to say? I was on statutory maternity pay? Are you aware of this?

OP posts:
Thesmallthings · 09/01/2019 21:23

Ybu it would have cost you the same if you'd gone.

It's not there fault so why should they be out of pocket.

Biancadelrioisback · 09/01/2019 21:24

But someone didn't die....your DH got food poisoning. I'm assuming that's he is now fine? No life changing, permanent damage done?
When someone dies you have a hell of a lot more on your sodding plate that a fucking hot tub. Do you honestly think a case of the shits is comparable to losing the person you love forever?? No.
You made a commitment. Own it.

And I notice that you've avoided answering the question about whether you would have been happy to cover someone else dropping out last minute?

Biancadelrioisback · 09/01/2019 21:25

Sorry, I've just lot someone very close to me so you trying to compare the two quite upset me.

Thesmallthings · 09/01/2019 21:28

Also why couldn't you go on your own?

Ellisandra · 09/01/2019 21:31

I would certainly have tried not to still charge you (if I could afford to pick up your share) - but I definitely still think you’re obligated to.

I think the Mat Leave bit is irrelevant.

How about: “my husband and I have to work full time, we can’t afford a baby yet. My friend can afford a baby and to be off work with them... yet they expect me to pay more”.

Being on Mat Leave doesn’t mean you can’t afford it. When I was on Mat Leave, I still got my car allowance and bonus, and SMP. I paid far less tax and topped my income up with savings. My commuting costs were gone. I was perfectly comfortable. That’s not to say you are - but you can’t expect others to fund your Leave - which is what you’re doing if you think this decision should be influenced by it. It’s irrelevant.

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 21:33

@Biancadelrioisback

I replied previously saying yes I would pay if someone was sent to hospital. I wouldn’t dream of asking for £40? It just felt heartless.

I too have lost many people recently, I mean no offence. I was simply challenging the posters opinion.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 21:35

@Thesmallthings

The older kids were upset so didn’t want to leave them.

OP posts:
FlippinNora1 · 09/01/2019 21:39

Who paid for the bowl for the car keys?

GrinGrinGrin

londonrach · 09/01/2019 21:41

Of course you have to pay

Lifeofsmiley · 09/01/2019 21:43

It wouldn’t even cross my mind not to pay. You have made a commitment to pay for a share.yes it’s unfortunate that your husband took unwell .
If I’ve been in charge of collecting money or booking something I always collect the money in advance and it’s non refundable if it means pushing up other people’s costs if you pull out.

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