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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed we were still expected to pay?

233 replies

Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:14

Hi all some advice would be appreciated as i’m unsure if i’m right in feeling this way. So the situation goes, a friend of mine was having a party and wanted to hire a hot tub for it. There was only 3 couples attending this small party and we all agreed to split the cost. However the day of the party my husband got severe food poisoning and ended up in hospital so obviously we couldn’t attend. Our friends continued with the party and enjoyed the hot tub. However the day after they asked for our part of the money. I was surprised but paid up as didn’t want to get into a debate. The thing is at the time I was off on maternity leave and financially we weren’t doing great. The other 2 couples have no kids, full time jobs and living very comfortably. I just felt it was a bit shitty of them to ask for the money after everything that happened? What do you think? Cheers

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 09/01/2019 19:59

You don't know what their financial situation is actually like so YABU.

12fromcold · 09/01/2019 20:00

Envy not envy

Yabbers · 09/01/2019 20:01

You were out the money whether you used it or not, so why does it become important what your financial situation is?

As someone said, would you have been happy to pay if another couple dropped out?

YABU

slashlover · 09/01/2019 20:04

If your friend had not attended would you have been willing to pay 50%?

Fundays12 · 09/01/2019 20:06

You absolutely should have to pay. You agreed to the cost initially so it obviously wasn’t a problem or you wouldn’t have agreed. It’s nobodies fault your dh got sick but you agreed to part pay for it so you do regardless of if you can go. Why should your friends be out of pocket?

MsTSwift · 09/01/2019 20:06

Yabu. Totally. If you don’t pay you are effectively saying that the poor sod who organises and pays the third party is at risk for unforeseen events affecting the whole group. Which is massively unfair (I speak as someone who often organises and commits on behalf of larger groups with verbal confirmation only from attendees that they will come)

Singlenotsingle · 09/01/2019 20:07

You entered into a verbal contract to share the cost, but then you dropped out. Not your fault, but not theirs either. Strictly speaking, you would have been in breach of contract and still liable for your share of the cost.

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 20:10

Haha it definitely wssn’t a sex party!

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 09/01/2019 20:12

If you get a reputation for pulling out at the last minute (even if not intentionally) and not paying what you had agreed then I would imagine that friends would think twice about including you in future plans. It's galling that you didn't get to use what you paid for, but that's the nature of unforeseen misfortune.

eddielizzard · 09/01/2019 20:13

Perhaps it's more that you spent the evening in hospital while your DH was really ill, got sent photos of them having a great time, and then had to pay for the privilege. I totally get how that stings. Not sure I would have asked you for money, but I can see why they did.

12fromcold · 09/01/2019 20:14

I'm really interested in what the party was like with six people and a hot tub

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 20:16

Exactly that.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/01/2019 20:19

Are you sure it wasn't a sex party? Three couples and one of them thinks, I know, let's all have a bath together and pay twenty quid each for it?

It's got pervy written all over it 🤣

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 20:20

@eddielizzard

Exactly what you said!

OP posts:
Esspee · 09/01/2019 20:21

You were pregnant and intended to spend an evening in a tank of chlamydia soup?
Sorry, ...............what was your question?

eddielizzard · 09/01/2019 20:22
Grin

Well here's some Flowers and Wine for consolation.

lalalalyra · 09/01/2019 20:23

They shouldn't have had to ask for the money.

If it was a friend of mine I probably wouldn't have asked for their share, but if they didn't offer it then I might have as the assumption that they could just ditch their share on me would annoy the hell out of me.

LuckyLou7 · 09/01/2019 20:23

I would happily pay £40 not to go to a hot tub party in January. It's too cold and I just don't fancy outdoor bathing in winter in a chlamydia soup tureen

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 20:26

@Esspee

Wasn’t preggers had a 6 month old x

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 09/01/2019 20:29

Of course you had to pay and does being on maternity leave mean less money for you, are you not paid?

There 'were' three couples, not 'was'.

BlimeyCalmDown · 09/01/2019 20:29

I thought it would have cost a lot more than that and I'd have said then yes you should pay it. However if it was only £40 and they can easily afford it then it would have been nice and considerate of them to pay the extra £10 each instead. If they too were short on money after xmas then yes you should pay.

lynxca16 · 09/01/2019 20:29

Think it only fair as in your post ' we all agreed to split the cost'

It was unfortunate that you husband was unwell but would have no issue with paying as pre-arranged the cost as agreed.

slashlover · 09/01/2019 20:30

it was £40 we paid towards it.

If couple 2 had pulled out at short notice then would you have willingly paid £60?

Nunya · 09/01/2019 20:32

I agree with Biancasdelriosback!

YABU, OP. The other couples don’t have kids, aren’t on maternity leave or having financial difficulties so they should be happy to absorb your cost of the hot tub when the agreement was for 1/3 each couple originally? I don’t think so. I’m sorry your husband ended up in the hospital and therefore you two didn’t attend the party but you should still be expected to pay.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 09/01/2019 20:35

You were fully aware you were on maternity leave and a limited budget when you agreed to split the costs. they booked the hot tub after everyone agreed to share the costs. Of course you should have paid your share; you shouldn't have waited to have been asked for the money, frankly.

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