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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed we were still expected to pay?

233 replies

Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:14

Hi all some advice would be appreciated as i’m unsure if i’m right in feeling this way. So the situation goes, a friend of mine was having a party and wanted to hire a hot tub for it. There was only 3 couples attending this small party and we all agreed to split the cost. However the day of the party my husband got severe food poisoning and ended up in hospital so obviously we couldn’t attend. Our friends continued with the party and enjoyed the hot tub. However the day after they asked for our part of the money. I was surprised but paid up as didn’t want to get into a debate. The thing is at the time I was off on maternity leave and financially we weren’t doing great. The other 2 couples have no kids, full time jobs and living very comfortably. I just felt it was a bit shitty of them to ask for the money after everything that happened? What do you think? Cheers

OP posts:
Gillian1980 · 09/01/2019 19:27

Sorry, I think YABU.

Although it’s disappointing that you didn’t get to use the hot tub, it’s not fair for others to suddenly pay more than agreed due to your misfortune.

The different financial states are a red herring as you’d agreed it and would have paid anyway if you had gone.

GobblersKnob · 09/01/2019 19:27

Personally I wouldn't have asked you for the money IF I could easily cover it. However I would also have paid, so I've a splintery arse on this one.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/01/2019 19:27

The thing is at the time I was off on maternity leave and financially we weren’t doing great.

But you could afford it if you had been able to go to the party?

Madders45 · 09/01/2019 19:28

You shouldn’t have agreed to pay if you couldn’t afford it.

If you paid for theatre tickets but then you were ill and couldn’t go, you wouldn’t expect to get the money you spent on the tickets back.

Why should it be different when it’s your friends?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/01/2019 19:28

I wouldn’t have asked you for the money- how much was it? To be honest your financial situation isn’t of concern because you agreed to the cost you just didn’t get to use it.

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:30

Thanks for your thoughts, it’s good to hear opinions. My DH was furious as they sent him a pic whilst in hospital of them sitting in the hot tub wishing him well 🤨 it was £40 we paid towards it. I guess it’s not black and white with the affordability. We could afford it as a special treat that month. However we didn’t get to experience it and that’s were the unrest is. They could more than afford it and knew of our situation. It’s a case of expecting those to treat you as you would treat them. I wouldn’t of dreamed of asking, I would have sent flowers and a get well card not a photo and a bill!!😔

OP posts:
Dieu · 09/01/2019 19:30

The tight bastards should never have asked you to pay under those circumstances.
Some people are a pure embarrassment.
YANBU and I hope your husband is feeling better.

Cuntcuntcunt · 09/01/2019 19:31

Sorry but I am another one who thinks you should have just paid it.

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:31

In regards to theatre tickets and flights I personally see that differently and would definitely not despute paying.

OP posts:
ExFury · 09/01/2019 19:31

How would you have felt if you’d gone, one of the other couples had cancelled last minute and expected you and the remaining couple to cover their share?

huggybear · 09/01/2019 19:31

Why should they pick up the bill for you though? If the other two couples pulled out would you have been happy to cover the whole cost.

It's unfair to suggest they should pay purely because they're in a better financial situation than you.

JennyOnAPlate · 09/01/2019 19:32

You did the right thing in paying it but it was shitty of them to ask. I wouldn't have expected money from you under those circumstances.

Squirrelblanket · 09/01/2019 19:32

It's unfortunate that you didn't attend at the last minute but yes, you committed to it so owe them the money.

Don't be so judgemental about the financial situation of your childfree friends, I'm guessing you know little about it and it's not your place to decide who can afford what.

Chocolatecake12 · 09/01/2019 19:33

You can hire hot tubs? misses point of thread

Madders45 · 09/01/2019 19:34

In regards to theatre tickets and flights I personally see that differently and would definitely not despute paying

So you think your friends should lose out when you wouldn’t expect big companies to?

Madders45 · 09/01/2019 19:34

If you couldn’t afford it you shouldn’t have agreed to take part.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/01/2019 19:35

In regards to theatre tickets and flights I personally see that differently and would definitely not despute paying

Well that’s your problem. They’re not different. They’re all money you committed to paying.

greendale17 · 09/01/2019 19:35

In regards to theatre tickets and flights I personally see that differently and would definitely not despute paying.

^OP what are you talking about? That is exactly the same situation

dullclothesbrightmind · 09/01/2019 19:36

Whatever the legalistic rights of 'you contracted a third of that tub, so pay up' arguments; I would not have asked you to pay in those circumstances. You are my friend, not a paying client. I'd have had a bit of compassion.

Pachyderm1 · 09/01/2019 19:37

I think given you agreed to pay she was entitled to ask you for it, but if I were her I probably wouldn’t have. That said, if I were you I would have offered.

Lemoneeza · 09/01/2019 19:37

Page two and nobody has said sex pond yet? Shock

TheBigBangRocks · 09/01/2019 19:39

You shouldn't have agreed to share costs if you couldn't afford it. Their financial situation is of no bearing. You not being able to attend is not their fault, we've missed out in the past due to sickness but wouldn't cross my mind to get the money back.

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:41

“If it were anything else, theatre tickets, flights...etc would you have expected an automatic refund because your DP got sick? Doubt it!”

This.

OP posts:
PrincessConsuelaBanana · 09/01/2019 19:42

I think it’s prettj shitty they sent a photo of them in it to your DH if he was in hospital!! That would definitely put my nose more out of joint about the whole situation

Bibijayne · 09/01/2019 19:42

@Chocolatecake12

That's.my take away too! Now furiously trying to find somewhere near me!

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