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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed we were still expected to pay?

233 replies

Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:14

Hi all some advice would be appreciated as i’m unsure if i’m right in feeling this way. So the situation goes, a friend of mine was having a party and wanted to hire a hot tub for it. There was only 3 couples attending this small party and we all agreed to split the cost. However the day of the party my husband got severe food poisoning and ended up in hospital so obviously we couldn’t attend. Our friends continued with the party and enjoyed the hot tub. However the day after they asked for our part of the money. I was surprised but paid up as didn’t want to get into a debate. The thing is at the time I was off on maternity leave and financially we weren’t doing great. The other 2 couples have no kids, full time jobs and living very comfortably. I just felt it was a bit shitty of them to ask for the money after everything that happened? What do you think? Cheers

OP posts:
itssoooofluffy · 09/01/2019 21:44

As PP have said, you should have paid without being asked, at which point I would have said not to worry about it. To do nothing and expect the others to pick up the bill is very rude.

7yo7yo · 09/01/2019 21:52

Should have took your DH and let him shit in the hot tub

BIgBagofJelly · 09/01/2019 21:56

You should have offered to pay they should have refuse to let you.

Original poster
Mumosa · 09/01/2019 22:06

@7yo7yo

Grin hilarious!

OP posts:
greathat · 09/01/2019 22:07

@Lemoneeza I was thinking it...

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 09/01/2019 22:07

YABU. Your financial situation and their financial situations are completely irrelevant. You agreed to pay knowing all this.

I also don’t see why your DH was “furious” at the photo. I would be happy my friends were having fun and still thinking of me and wishing me well.

pineapplebryanbrown · 09/01/2019 22:10

How do you hire a hot tub!!

SuziQ10 · 09/01/2019 22:58

So you should, you committed. They booked it.

Consolidatedyourloins · 09/01/2019 23:06

They may be technically right to ask for the money but what they did was not in the spirit of friendship.

I would think twice about doing these people a favour in future.

elvis86 · 09/01/2019 23:10

"You should have offered to pay they should have refuse to let you."

I agree with this, essentially.

In your friends' shoes, we'd have sucked up £20 per couple. But YABU to be bleat about being on mat leave etc - it was going to cost you £40 regardless.

I am conscious however that the amount is relative. I personally wouldn't flinch at sucking up £20 for a friend who was ill (unless they had form for cancelling plans).But if for example it was a holiday cottage and the cost was £400 per couple - we couldn't really justify paying an additional £200 if your husband was ill.

givemesteel · 09/01/2019 23:20

I think your sense of injustice is rather hypocritical OP.

If the boot was on the other foot and one or more of the other couples pulled out for legitimate reasons, would you have been happy to pay 50% more or 100% more?

Of course not, you would have said you couldn't afford to. Or does the fact that they've got more disposable income mean that they should still have covered their share of the cost? So one rule for you, another for them.

Some friends will always have more money than others, you can't just invent different rules depending on whether it suits you.

I understand it's frustrating to miss stuff you've paid for due to illness (I have a chronic condition so this happens to me quite frequently). But you have to decide what you can afford and not expect friends to bank roll you.

Consolidatedyourloins · 09/01/2019 23:34

givemesteel. OP has already said she would have been happy to pay more if the shoe was on the other foot.

WhirlieGigg · 09/01/2019 23:45

It sucks when you’ve paid for something you can’t use because you’re ill. We had a family ticket for a Christmas event but DS became extremely ill with rotavirus and was hospitalised. We still had to pay our half of the family ticket including the prebooked parking spot for the car we weren’t in!

I suppose one way to look at it is if you’d prepaid, would you ask for the money back because you didn’t go?

Original poster
Mumosa · 10/01/2019 01:51

Thanks for all opinions I appreciate it. Tbh it’s a lesson learnt. I never expected anything, I had hoped though, that a friend would see another friend in a bad situation and make a gesture. I paid it so we’re all straight, but it will be kept in mind for the future xxxx

OP posts:
whatsthepointthen · 10/01/2019 02:06

im with you on this one op so yanbu.

BusterGonad · 10/01/2019 02:47

It's shit but you did agree to it and it's not the others fault your husband was ill!

StoppinBy · 10/01/2019 03:28

I am surprised (maybe I missed it?) that no one has said that they person hosting the party should have paid for the entire hot tub, full 3 course meal and all accompanying alcohol, surely who did the hosting/inviting is important here?

On a more serious note, you should all have paid upfront then there would be no discussion when things like this happen, if you wouldn't want to pay extra if someone else pulled out then you shouldn't be upset that you have to pay your agreed share.

Racecardriver · 10/01/2019 03:31

Well polite and govdiderate friends wouldn’t have asked you to pay but I wouldn’t expect that level of thought from hot tub people.

melj1213 · 10/01/2019 03:40

If you'd paid upfront would you have been asking for a refund?

Yabu to expect the other couples to eat the cost of you pulling out at the last minute - you committed to the cost of the hot tub before the party date so are obligated to pay.

MsHopey · 10/01/2019 04:29

I also agree that it's easy to now say you'd pay for the other couple if they couldn't attend now that the event has already passed.
But I reckon you would have also started complaining about maternity leave and struggling after Christmas.
You are complaining because you had to pay for the spot you had essentially agreed to pay for because you are struggling financially, but you'd also be willing to pay for a couple who drop out last minute because friendship means more to you. Just seems a bit unlikely that they'd both go hand in hand.
If friendship means that much to you, get over it, you agreed, they weren't unreasonable in expecting to stick to your word. You have no clue how that £20 might have affected either couple.

Loveweekends10 · 10/01/2019 04:45

Of the track a little but - I just couldn’t image sitting in a hot tub with other peoples partners. Girlfriends yes but - no - wouldn’t fancy that. I’m probably a prude!

IDECLAREBANKRUPTCY · 10/01/2019 05:09

Yabu for putting xxx at the end of your comments.

Kikipost · 10/01/2019 05:49

I’m surprised you have close friends given this insight in to your approach to money/friends

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 10/01/2019 06:01

@StoppinBy

GrinGrinGrin

Snog · 10/01/2019 07:56

You should have paid your share without being asked. It's unfortunate what happened but there's always that risk when you book something.

Imagine both other couples had been ill on the day, would you have happily offered to pay up the full £120? I don't think so.

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