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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed we were still expected to pay?

233 replies

Mumosa · 09/01/2019 19:14

Hi all some advice would be appreciated as i’m unsure if i’m right in feeling this way. So the situation goes, a friend of mine was having a party and wanted to hire a hot tub for it. There was only 3 couples attending this small party and we all agreed to split the cost. However the day of the party my husband got severe food poisoning and ended up in hospital so obviously we couldn’t attend. Our friends continued with the party and enjoyed the hot tub. However the day after they asked for our part of the money. I was surprised but paid up as didn’t want to get into a debate. The thing is at the time I was off on maternity leave and financially we weren’t doing great. The other 2 couples have no kids, full time jobs and living very comfortably. I just felt it was a bit shitty of them to ask for the money after everything that happened? What do you think? Cheers

OP posts:
12fromcold · 09/01/2019 19:43

“If it were anything else, theatre tickets, flights...etc would you have expected an automatic refund because your DP got sick? Doubt it!”

This.

NC fail?

12fromcold · 09/01/2019 19:44

Was it a sex party?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/01/2019 19:44

If it were anything else, theatre tickets, flights...etc would you have expected an automatic refund because your DP got sick? Doubt it!”

This.

I don’t think you understood that post OP. They are saying you wouldn’t expect a refund for theatre tickets due to sickness, you’d still have to pay. This is just the same.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 09/01/2019 19:45

I can see both sides. Tough for you to pay when you didn't use it. Unreasonable to expect them to pay more than they had committed to

EverlyNow · 09/01/2019 19:45

You committed to share the hire cost. It’s unfortunate that you couldn’t then attend and I can understand that you were disappointed, but why should the others subsidise your non-attendance?

The affordability issue is yours to manage. Again, it isn’t for the others to make up the shortfall for you guys. Hope your husband is better soon

Chewbecca · 09/01/2019 19:46

I would have expected still to pay to be honest, you all made the commitment. It wasn't very fair to expect others to pick up the tab because you dropped out.

Would it have made a difference if you'd paid up front, which is entirely feasible?

diddl · 09/01/2019 19:46

The snding of the pic was awful imo.

Maybe they couldn't afford to cover your share though?

Auntiepatricia · 09/01/2019 19:47

It sucks when you lose any booking or planned and paid for event because of sickness. But YABU for the others to pay for your share. You could try and get your cost back from the hot tub company.....just kidding, though that actually makes more sense than your friends bearing your cost.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 09/01/2019 19:48

I can see why you're miffed but what about if both the other couples had dropped out on the day? Would you have been happy to pay their share, OP?

Biancadelriosback · 09/01/2019 19:49

@mumosa

*If it were anything else, theatre tickets, flights...etc would you have expected an automatic refund because your DP got sick? Doubt it!”

This.*

Huh? So you agree that you do have to still pay? Why start the thread then?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/01/2019 19:49

You should have paid without being asked for it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/01/2019 19:50

You misunderstood what that poster was saying OP.

joanmcc · 09/01/2019 19:50

@12fromcold - I suspect you're right!

Biancadelriosback · 09/01/2019 19:51

I'm amazed some PPs have told the OP to ditch them as friends! So it's okay to leave your friends holding the bill because you say they can afford it, then ditch them as friends?

12fromcold · 09/01/2019 19:51

@joanmcc About the name change fail or sex party!

fiorentina · 09/01/2019 19:51

Annoying as it is, I think if you agree to split a cost and then can’t attend you should still pay. They maybe child free and appear to have cash to spare but it’s unfair for them to suddenly pay more, you don’t actually know their financial circumstances?

joanmcc · 09/01/2019 19:52

@12fromcold Name change fail, although I'm loathe to say no to a sex party...

CatnissEverdene · 09/01/2019 19:54

3 couples and a hot tub??

Sounds... ahem.... interesting!!

You agreed to share the cost of something. It's not their fault your DH was ill. Their income has nothing to do with it.

Propertywoe · 09/01/2019 19:54

It would of also took both couples to agree in sharing cost to cover your share or one couple could end up paying theirs and yours share. Why I always ask for cash before booking.

12fromcold · 09/01/2019 19:54

@joanmcc GrinGrinGrin

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 09/01/2019 19:54

I do think the situation IS a bit different from plane travel, or theatre tickets. I mean you can sell them on or offer to others even fairly last minute.
It’s a bit different when you are sharing a hot tub with friends I think. The friendship bit is key.
If I had been your friend I might have taken some of the money offered but probably given you some back because you didn’t use it ( and had a horrid time).
They wouldn’t have taken your money if he had died would they.

Bluntness100 · 09/01/2019 19:55

I'm a bit eugh at you all hiring a sex hot tub.

Anyways, like anything else, you committed you pay, personally I'd have covered a good friends cost, but I'd also have insisted on paying what I had committed to and not sticking my friends with the additional cost because of our misfortune.

Sounds like your friends will ask and you would stick them with the cost.

So lovely all round really.

12fromcold · 09/01/2019 19:55

Who paid for the bowl for the car keys?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/01/2019 19:57

Have. Have have have! Not of!

MaidofEyes · 09/01/2019 19:59

Hot tubs were once referred to as chlamydia soup on a thread here once and I can't get this image out of my mind.

Seems a fair description based on a few stories I've heard from friends...