To think that there's a time and a place to approach celebs

[Lydiaatthebarre]

I've just been reading one of those threads where people talk about nice and not so nice celebs they've met.

While some celebrities have clearly been very rude, telling people to fuck off or giving them the two fingers or reducing staff to tears, there are lots of posts where I really would like to hear the celeb's version of events.

I have a friend who's quite a well known actress. She has been approached for selfies and photographs while queueing for the loo in a restaurant, waiting in a Drs waiting room with her fractious toddler and asleep on a long train journey (yes, actually woken up by a fan wanting a photograph}.

AIBU to think some selfie and autograph hunters probably bring any unfriendly reaction on themselves by their rudeness and that there are definitely times and situations where it is totally inappropriate or just thoughtless and inconsiderate to bother them?

LadyOfTheCanyon, Tanya Gold sounds horrible So conceited.

I must say, I've always thought I don't like her much from her writing for the Guardian.

they should have researched their career better.

What proportion of people who become actors or singers ever become famous enough to be hassled on the street? And do you really think that a talented musician or performer should ditch their talent and go for a desk job just because some people are arseholes?

It's the world we live in.

What a depressing attitude. All sorts of things have been 'just the world we live in' - racism, sexism etc. That doesn't mean we should just decide that people deserve what they get. And yes, career is a choice, unlike your race or sex, but choosing acting or music as a career should not mean that you have no right to a private life.

A lot of these fans are actually bullies. I knew someone who worked in a theatre and he said some of them would hang around outside the stage door and, if an actor just hurried past them, would start posting horrible things about them on social media.

He said it never occurred to them that if the actor had to pose for a selfie with the twenty or thirty people waiting, it would take about half an hour and this was often at 11 o'clock at night when they had been in the theatre since mid afternoon. Some of them had babysitters to get home to, some had lifts waiting, some were just exhausted and wanted to get home.

But a lot of them were afraid to not smile and pose because they would be vilified on social media, told that the person in question would never go to anything they appeared in again etc. and it could really damage their career and reputation.

It really can be bullying and intimidating.

That's terrible, Carnival. The thing is, there are always arseholes in the world, but I find it weird that many people who seem otherwise pretty polite and civilised still think it's ok to go and hassle a stranger just because they're on tv etc. Tbh I just don't get what makes people do it!

DH worked in theatre and I think he'd say that greeting fans outside on your way in/out was basically part of the job. There's a big difference between accepting you'll be recognised if you're leaving the theatre or grabbing a coffee next door between shows, and being asked for an autograph while sitting in your doctor's office with a stinking cold or a sick child.

I do find it weird that people find this distinction between working and not working hard to see. I mean, I get that a lot of celebs probably have to accept that while out and about doing their shopping they are going to catch a lot more people's eyes and have to do a smile or a nod or a quick, "hi" and I'd argue that's something they have to accept. But again, that's very different to not being able to pick up a packet of tampax because someone is standing behind you waving a camera in your face and demanding you look good for a picture.

I think the problem though, Bling, was that a lot of them wouldn't accept a friendly and general 'Hello, I hope you enjoyed the show' and even a quick photograph from several phones at a time.

They all wanted selfies, which take up loads of time if there's a big gang of fans waiting, and many got quite hostile if they didn't get them.

Which is why I can understand an actor who needs to get away quickly just hurrying past and not making any eye contact.

I will never understand what someone gets out of having an autograph or a photo with a famous person. What is the point?

People should leave people the fuck alone.

If someone followed you around everywhere you went, screamed abuse at you, or took photos of your family all the time without your consent, you'd call the police and the police would treat it as stalking and harassment.

The examples in the OP aren't of this type of behaviour, though. The objectionable behaviour I am discussing is what's described in the OP - fans requesting selfies or autographs when they spot a celebrity who is 'off duty'. Seeing a celebrity by chance and approaching them isn't stalking them. Asking for a photo isn't taking one without consent. Asking for an autograph isn't screaming abuse at someone.

Do you think, though, Valenta that a member of the public should be entitled to approach a celebrity for an autograph or selfie no matter where the celeb is, what they're doing or who they're with?

No - I don't think anyone is entitled to do anything to another person, in any circumstances or walk of life.

However, I think it's understandable for people to approach celebrities they admire (with no ill-intention) and celebrities should accept that it's a hazard of the job. If your career rests on being liked and appreciated by the general public, you have to accept that not all consequences of that will be congenial.

Yes, it's understandable. But it's also understandable, in my view, for celebrities to politely refuse to pose or sign autographs if it's an inconvenient time or inappropriate place.

But many fans seem to think this equates to the celeb being 'rude', 'up themselves' etc and have no compunction about posting a very one sided version all over social media.

That's why I take some of the posts on celebs you've met type threads with a pinch of salt - "x celeb was very rude when my DD asked for a photograph" could mean anything. Yes, maybe the celeb was at a publicity event and snapped at DD. But equally likely, maybe DD approached the celeb when they were trying to pay for groceries, feed their screaming baby or talk to someone on their phone and refused to take a polite 'sorry, no' for an answer, pestering until the celeb eventually snapped 'NO, Just GO AWAY'. That then translates to 'celeb was so rude' instead of 'DD was so rude and annoying'.

If the fan is lying about what happened, then, obviously, that's very sad - a polite request being met with a polite refusal is reasonable.

But, celebrities have to be aware of human nature and the responsibility that comes with having a fanbase - if there's someone a fan hugely admires, perhaps someone whose books or films they've saved up for ages to buy, perhaps someone whose lifestyle they try to emulate - and the fan's polite request for an autograph is rebuffed - however civilly - that fan is going to feel hurt.

The popularity of the celebrity depends on a relationship being built between the celebrity and their public, and members of the public have to form an emotional attachment to the celebrity for that to work - so a rebuff, for the fan, will have a similar impact to a snub from a valued friend, and there is the possibility the fan might 'lash out' on social media - or the fan might just go home and cry.

Screaming not all actors can work as stage actors and vice versa. It requires a different skillset (albeit one they should have learned initially when training). Stage actors spend months rehearsing then perform the same show night after night for very long stretches of time. Film and TV actors will spend months rehearsing and performing but there will only be one end product. This means if they make a mistake, it can be re-shot, not the same for stage. Also, Les Mis is a good example, stage acting requires dialling up to 10, even for small moments as you need the audience to look and see what you want them to, where as a camera can focus on something and essentially does the work for you. You can hold back and still create the effect you want. It's actually quite hard to explain. I trained as an actor (stage primarily but also film).

The same can be said for other art forms. Singing for example. Someone may have an amazing voice and look but lacks stage presence so great for recording and marketing, but shite for live performances.

So saying that an actor can 'just' go work in the theatre instead is just wrong. Some actors are perfect for film, some for stage, some for sitcom, some for soaps etc.

My brother is very well known. Every time we try to go out for a family celebration it is ruined by fans constantly coming over to have their picture taken with him, or to get his autograph or whatever. Every-single-bloody-time.

There really is a time or place and when a celebrity is clearly 'off duty' and trying to enjoy time with their family is not one of those times or places. Believe me, we all bitterly resent the constant interruptions despite having to sit there with smiles plastered on our faces so no one will post something spiteful about him on social media.

If someone perceives a celeb to be a valued friend then they possibly need therapy.

They possibly do, however, what I said was a rebuff, for the fan, will have a similar impact to a snub from a valued friend not "the fan perceives the celebrity to be their valued friend."

I'm not ignoring that point - I explained above that I'm talking about the scenario in the OP, which is a celebrity being approached for an autograph/photo at a time when they are 'off duty'.

I'm not talking about a celebrity/creative being stalked or harassed by an obsessed fan or being the recipient of abuse from members of the public. I very much doubt anyone would bother starting a thread to ask if people thought harassment or bullying was OK!

In my OP Valenta I talked about celebs being approached while queueing for the loo, waiting to see the doctor or asleep on a train.

Do you think that's okay?

I will never understand what someone gets out of having an autograph or a photo with a famous person. What is the point. People should leave people the fuck alone.

^ This.

I think it's understandable, Lydia for the reasons I talked about earlier - that is, achieving public recognition results from people developing (the illusion of) an emotional connection with these people. If you passed a friend queuing for the loo or saw them in the doctor's waiting room, you wouldn't blank them - you'd say 'hello' at least - that's the thought process that drives this sort of behaviour.