To think that there's a time and a place to approach celebs

[Lydiaatthebarre]

I've just been reading one of those threads where people talk about nice and not so nice celebs they've met.

While some celebrities have clearly been very rude, telling people to fuck off or giving them the two fingers or reducing staff to tears, there are lots of posts where I really would like to hear the celeb's version of events.

I have a friend who's quite a well known actress. She has been approached for selfies and photographs while queueing for the loo in a restaurant, waiting in a Drs waiting room with her fractious toddler and asleep on a long train journey (yes, actually woken up by a fan wanting a photograph}.

AIBU to think some selfie and autograph hunters probably bring any unfriendly reaction on themselves by their rudeness and that there are definitely times and situations where it is totally inappropriate or just thoughtless and inconsiderate to bother them?

No but it's intrusive and annoying, just as being asked for advice when you're on down time is.

Seriously Valenta?

You would go up to your child's teacher in a restaurant or when they're playing with their children in the park to start discussing how well your child is getting on?

How rude.

ScreamingValenta, the problem with your Smith family comparison is that least John and Jean can leave the downsides behind when they walk out of their workplace. Jane can encounter her downsides absolutely everywhere, including when she is with her family. We don't expect John and Jean to deal with the nasty bits of their jobs in their own private time; why, given that absolutely no-one actually needs to pester Jane, should we say that the conduct of the pesterers is acceptable?

Screaming My mum is a nurse. She very occasionally has bumped into former patients, and has been known to hide to avoid that sort of conversation. She isn't at work, and she doesn't want to have to 'perform', she just wants to get four pints of milk and a box of tampax and go home! I used to work for a charity and very occasionally my personal and professional lives crossed and I too hated it - I wasn't at work and I didn't really want to be cross-examined on the nuances of whatever issue was topical, no matter how passionately I cared about it. Everyone deserves the opportunity not to be at work - that sort of thing happening constantly would grind me right down, frankly.

Well, I don't have any children so in practice the scenario wouldn't arise, but I see nothing wrong in paying someone a compliment if they're doing a good job.

I am not saying that celebrities should have to put up with people being actively unpleasant - no one should be expected to do that, as you rightly say. But, it happens - we don't live in a perfect world.

But why should they put up with people demanding selfies and autographs when all they want to do is have a quiet meal out with their families, or when they're hurrying for a train or queuing in the Ladies?

Any of these celebrities could choose to take a lower-profile job (or possibly even retire) - they have more choice in the matter than, say, a nurse or teacher who is suffering the same.

Not really. Acting is a notoriously dodgy profession, very few actors are so secure financially that they could retire tomorrow. And getting alternative jobs is no easier for them than it is for anyone else.

But there's a time and a place Valenta. That's the bit you don't seem to understand.

Can you imagine if every parent in a class thought like you? The poor teacher wouldn't be able to go anywhere without parents coming up to tell her that Amelia is reading so much better now/Ben is really coming on at maths/Olivia's spelling has really improved.

Do you not think it would get a bit tiresome and annoying?

SaturdayNext But Jane would have known that was a possibility when she went into acting as a career. Acting is highly competitive and is something you have to make considerable effort to get into - it's not a job people do because it's the only way they can find to bring in a wage.

I wouldn't see anything wrong in principle in saying to your doctor (if you bumped into them) 'thank you for the anti-biotics, they worked a treat' or a teacher 'I just wanted to say how Johnny's maths has come on since he's been in your class, thanks for being such a great teacher'.

Teachers at least would tell you different. DSis who is a teacher actively hides if she sees any pupil she knows, even those with nice parents, because she just wants to be left alone out of school hours.

Well, I don't have any children so in practice the scenario wouldn't arise, but I see nothing wrong in paying someone a compliment if they're doing a good job.

But you can do that in the right context, e.g. at Parents' evenings. There is no need to intrude into the teachers' private life to do it.

If you wouldn't expect your doctor/hairdresser/child's teacher/other professional to be 'on duty' when you encounter them away from their workplace - so many people expect just that, though, don't they?

How many people who are dentists, doctors, etc can go to parties and get asked their opinions on some other guest's mystery weeping sore/rash or their bridgework (after eating a sausage roll, natch) instead of being able to stick to general conversation? And I'd bet a gold watch that the same people will view celebrities as always being on duty, just because it suits them at the time.

It's lack of consideration imo. Nobody asks for their lives to be intruded upon all the time, nobody. And everybody deserves a break from it.

She hates being recognised in the street sometimes thinks of quitting - you mean she hates people coming up to her and pestering her whether she's taking her kids out for a fun day, has come to visit her sick granny, or going to her gynae appointment - all demanding autographs, photo opportunities, etc? That's not just "being recognised".

Valenta, sure Jane would have known it was a possibility, albeit not massively likely. It doesn't make it OK conduct on the part of the people responsible, does it?

One of my good friends is a teacher and she tries very hard to avoid going anywhere that she might bump into pupils or parents. She just wants her private life to be her own, and not to have to spend it talking about the children she teaches all week during working hours.

The poor teacher wouldn't be able to go anywhere without parents coming up to tell her that Amelia is reading so much better now/Ben is really coming on at maths/Olivia's spelling has really improved.

Well, yes she would - unless by a remarkable coincidence everywhere she went, she happened to be trailed by all her pupils' parents.

TV triggers madness in many people. I appeared on daytime telly, in my work capacity, once.

I haven't been approached by random strangers but people who never spoke a word to me in my wider workplace and at the school gate suddenly had an urge to make my acquaintance.

It was three years ago and I get asked most weeks when I'm going on telly again.

Hardly a big issue but if magnified in proportion to proper public personalities, christ almighty. The intrusion and repetitive questioning must be unbearable.

OP YANBU.

Just because someone does a high profile job, it doesn’t make them public property. And its not just people wanting to get autographs/ selfies - I have seen people being very rude and aggressive to celebrities on social media telling them how much they hate their work.

Most famous people (actors, writers, sportspeople) have worked incredibly hard to get where they are - often because they have a talent and a passion. It’s often the only thing they’ve wanted to do since childhood. It doesn’t make them more special than Doctors/ nurses/ teachers/ cashiers/ cleaners but it does mean they can’t simply walk away from their careers.

But that's what it's like for a celebrity ScreamingValenta. Everywhere they go people recognise them. Most people have the sense to leave them alone but there will always be those who just barge up, interrupt, and demand autographs.

If you can't see how rude and inconsiderate that is, well........

On the other side: I was once mucking about in a shopping centre with my mates when the receptionist at my dentists came up to me and informed me of my imminent appointment! That was... weird.

Valenta

I'm beginning to think that you're just wilfully misunderstanding people's posts.

screaming, you don't seem to be getting this. Generally, teachers, nruses, doctors etc don't want to be talking about work outside of work at all. It is not ok to do this. It is gauche and rude.

I put pestering celebrities who are clearly not 'at work' in exactly the same category - it's rude! And the person doing the pestering in those circumstances is the one repsonsible for their own behaviour, not the pestered person, or their career choice.

There is a time and a place.

justfloatingpast

Nowhere have I said it isn't rude and inconsiderate - please read my earlier posts. As I have said throughout, dealing with more rude and inconsiderate people than a non-celebrity is a downside of courting fame; just as other jobs have unpleasant aspects (that might not be necessary but which are a fact of life).

Carnivaloftheanimals Can you show me which posts you believe I have misunderstood?

I work in healthcare and have, in the past, been accosted in the shops for advice or asked to tell someone when their appointment is. When I explained that I couldn’t do the latter because I wasn’t at work and therefore didn’t have access to the system I was sworn at for being useless.

Yes, it’s not the same as celebs and I didn’t go into healthcare to be “spotted” when shopping, but it’s still an intrusion. Maybe I should have become a hermit...

But a lot of well known people don't 'court fame'. In fact the more talented the person the less likely they are to be giving interview to Hello magazine and tipping off the paps everytime they go to the shops.

You seem to be putting zelebs and successful actors, sportspeople, journalists etc in the same bracket.

The problem with that John/Jean/Jane Smith analogy is that it doesn't look at the whole picture.

Jane Smith doesn't only have to put up with people accosting her as she puts her fork into her pile of pasta in the restaurant, in the queue for the airport loo, at the hospital doors on her way to visiting her sick granny...she also has to put up with crap while she's actually working such as rude or late or drunk co-stars, lecherous directors, earning less than her male counterparts, being 'on' for chat show interviewers when she's got earache and been up filming since 4.00a.m. If the pestering by fans was the only downside to the job, she might find it easier to put up with but it isn't...she has a job that probably has a similar proportion of good:crap as any other while she's actually doing that job and then has to put up with demanding and inappropriate (or even downright dangerous) fans out of work time as well.

Whereas once John Smith puts his pen down and Jean Smith takes off her uniform, no one is going to be following them down the street trying to take their photo. The crap bits of their job are confined to when they're actually working, not their entire lives. And that's not to say what Jane does is more important to society than John or Jean or that she should be exalted with palm fronds thrown at her feet wherever she goes, just that Jane should be afforded a certain amount of privacy when she's not actually at work.

If you can't see the difference, I worry about your critical faculties.

Valenta

Poster after poster has tried to patiently explain to you that people who are successful in creative careers aren't usually driven by a desire for fame and that notoriety is usually a side product of their desire to use their talent to the very best of their ability or to create something really beautiful.

But you keep banging on and on about them 'knowing' this is 'part of the job' which really shows a complete misunderstanding of the instinct that drives so many gifted and creative people. I just don't know how you can keep missing the point those posters are making.