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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that there's a time and a place to approach celebs

220 replies

Lydiaatthebarre · 09/01/2019 12:58

I've just been reading one of those threads where people talk about nice and not so nice celebs they've met.

While some celebrities have clearly been very rude, telling people to fuck off or giving them the two fingers or reducing staff to tears, there are lots of posts where I really would like to hear the celeb's version of events.

I have a friend who's quite a well known actress. She has been approached for selfies and photographs while queueing for the loo in a restaurant, waiting in a Drs waiting room with her fractious toddler and asleep on a long train journey (yes, actually woken up by a fan wanting a photograph}.

AIBU to think some selfie and autograph hunters probably bring any unfriendly reaction on themselves by their rudeness and that there are definitely times and situations where it is totally inappropriate or just thoughtless and inconsiderate to bother them?

OP posts:
Knittink · 09/01/2019 18:05

Of course there are famous people who love the attention and famous people who prefer to remain private. Because famous people differ, just like non-famous people.

Personally I'd never approach a celebrity, a)because I think it's a bit of a lame thing to do and b) because I'd hate it if I were them. I did once have a chat with Helena B-C, but she started talking to me, not the other way around!

Hermagsjesty · 09/01/2019 18:07

@ScreamingValenta - I think most actors who’ve been struggling/ working several jobs feel very conflicted when they’re offered a high profile role, of course they want the opportunity, the money, the glamour, a bit of the fame and the chance to flex their muscles - but most also do worry about recognised/ hassled.

It seems very bizarre to me that anyone would think the onus is on the person being pestered to switch career rather than the person pestering to stop being so inconsiderate and rude.

ScreamingValenta · 09/01/2019 18:10

So your solution to the problem is that people should turn down fantastic roles in films or television programmes and go to a local theatre where they'll never be recognised, rather than other people should leave them alone?

The point I'm making is that there isn't a miraculous way of making people leave them alone, so the only solution is not to become a 'famous face' if you really can't bear it. What would your solution be to the problem?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/01/2019 18:13

They shouldn't put themselves in that line of work if they don't want to be approached by their fans. After all where would they be without them.

ScreamingValenta · 09/01/2019 18:14

Hermagsjesty The point I am making is that it comes with the territory. There isn't a miraculous way of making everyone in the world become polite and considerate - if there were, no nurses would ever be spat at; no shop workers would be sworn at; no-one would be having a nervous breakdown because they're being bullied by their Area Sales Manager.

viques · 09/01/2019 18:25

I sat at the next table to Maggie Smith. Couldn't hear a word she said to her companion. Honestly, you'd think a National Treasure would be able to project her voice enough so a polite but earwigging stranger could hear any gossip! Perhaps I should have said something.......

Grin
ShatnersWig · 09/01/2019 18:33

Valenta Where did I say it was intolerable? Oh no, I didn't. I was proving you're taking bollocks that if people dropped out of broadcast media they wouldn't get attention. It's abundantly clear you know fuck all.

ScreamingValenta · 09/01/2019 18:47

I was proving you're taking bollocks that if people dropped out of broadcast media they wouldn't get attention

Where did I say they wouldn't get attention? I said they wouldn't become famous.

You've agreed the degree of attention you've gained from your stage acting hasn't reached intolerable levels, and you described yourself as not famous - so I think you've proved the point I was making rather well!

madmum5811 · 09/01/2019 18:58

I cannot fathom autographs, but a friend chases around the country for them. In his defence they all go to various charities he supports . I have seen a few famous folk. I smile say hi because they look familiar. It is later the penny drops Blush

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 09/01/2019 19:01

This thread was intitally quite interesting and then it got completely derailed by this bloody tedious argument.

phoenix1404 · 09/01/2019 19:14

A friend is quite a well known actor and TV presenter. He's always happy to talk to fans as he's both polite and fully aware he wouldn't have his career without them, but they approach him for photos at some startlingly inappropriate times. In the Gents. When he's straight off a long-haul flight, and virtually asleep. When he's with his kids. Countless phones across the country must have pics of him either with white tiles as a background, or with his wife looking long-suffering on the edge of shot!

As countless others have already said, as far as I'm concerned the rule is that if a celeb I like is working, I'll approach them. If it's their private time, I leave them to it.

Ooh and something that's VERY creepy is the slightly out-of-focus shots from across the restaurant. They know you're taking them, guys, they just think you're weirdos!

LadyOfTheCanyon · 09/01/2019 19:15

NewCross, even though I know you've been around for yonks ( Can I has your autograph?) I really wanted to say " welcome to MN!" at your post.Grin

user1471426142 · 09/01/2019 19:54

There are definitely different degrees of hunger for fame. I suspect the celebs that take care not to publish pictures of their children etc generally get less hassle than those who are plastered all over social media. Think the beckhams or kardashians versus someone that insists on pap pictures of their kids being pixilated.

We’ve had a very famous A-list couple move to our village and while a few of us have joked about stalking them we don’t really mean it. I hope they feel they can take their kids to the playground, go to the pub etc and be normal and make some genuine friends.

lunar1 · 09/01/2019 20:17

My friend was asked for his autograph while in the a&e waiting room with one of his children. Some people are just assholes to be honest.

DoJo · 09/01/2019 20:49

Even if we accept that actors should choose another job of they don't want to be accosted in the street/restaurants/hospitals etc (and I say accosted because I'm aware that it's not just enthusiastic fans who want to shower them with compliments- many of these encounters are with vocal critics and those who are overtly aggressive), do those who think it's part of the job really not feel that the children and families of those in the spotlight don't deserve to spend time with them without being constantly approached by strangers?

GreenTinsel · 09/01/2019 22:40

NC for this (cancel the cheque, Maui, penis beaker)

I've just finished working on a panto with some B/C list celebs. They're young and fairly social-media active, have lots of fans, and are used to signing autographs, posing for selfies etc.

The thing that did my head in was the number of people who would come to the stage door after a matinee, before the evening show, and be really quite hostile to the stage-door keeper, demanding to know when the celebs were going to 'come out and sign autographs for us'. Bearing in mind that we were doing 2 shows a day, six days a week, with only Christmas Day and New Year's Day off, and between shows most people are trying to eat a sandwich or catch 40 winks.

There seemed to be a feeling that purchasing a ticket to see people in the show entitled the holders to a meet and greet, a photo and an autograph as part of the package.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 09/01/2019 22:44

I was literally just saying this to my mum earlier. I hate to approach the, whilst they are doing personal stuff, let them crack on with thier lives.

Ivegotthree · 09/01/2019 22:54

Hmmm. I think famous people nowadays went into the business with their eyes open.

Attention is what they sought and attention is what they get.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/01/2019 07:12

GreenTinsel

There seemed to be a feeling that purchasing a ticket to see people in the show entitled the holders to a meet and greet, a photo and an autograph as part of the package.

What is more likely to bring them (and others) back next year, a good show or a good show where the "stars" took time out to meet and greet the fans?

And what is more likely to get the "stars" rehired, good reviews or posts by fans saying that the star was an arse (in their view)?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/01/2019 07:17

LadyOfTheCanyon - why of course you can, and a selfie as well.

LizzieSiddal · 10/01/2019 07:28

They shouldn't put themselves in that line of work if they don't want to be approached by their fans. After all where would they be without them.

Do people honestly think that?! So even a low level famous person with say 100,000 fans, should expect to be approached by them and accept it. And someone like Keira Knightly whose known by millions, should suck it up and be nice to her fans all day?

ScreamingValenta · 10/01/2019 07:30

do those who think it's part of the job really not feel that the children and families of those in the spotlight don't deserve to spend time with them without being constantly approached by strangers?

I agree that it must sometimes be difficult for families of the famous, but again, how is this different from other jobs which might have disadvantages for family life? E.g. someone whose corporate job requires extensive overseas travel might have to rethink their role if they wanted to start a family. Isn't it for the individual to consider whether a job which brings them into the spotlight is compatible with family life, and what they can do to maintain a work/life balance?

Aragog · 10/01/2019 07:37

But why do people, including some on his thread, feel that they are entitled to go and bother a celebrity or famous person when they're enjoying their private life?

I really don't get it.

Just because someone is famous it doesn't mean we own them.

If they are about and showing signs of wanting to be recognised, or photographed, etc then fair enough. But if they're just going about their normal daily life or with their family, leave them alone! It's not hard!

I hate this 'oh they're famous so deserve it' attitude. So entitled!

Knittink · 10/01/2019 07:44

but again, how is this different from other jobs which might have disadvantages for family life?

Because it's unnecessary. It might be necessary for e.g. actors to promote their films by agreeing to do interviews etc, but hassling them in their daily life is just something that (some) members of the public have decided is ok. I don't really see why.

ScreamingValenta · 10/01/2019 07:55

Yes, it is unnecessary, but it's the world we live in.

This is like asking 'AIBU to think all criminals should just go quietly when the police come to arrest them?' - YANBU but it's not going to happen.

In the scheme of things, in a world where people do inconsiderate/unpleasant/dangerous things to others all the time, a celebrity being hassled for an autograph is very low on my list of people deserving of sympathy.

If the celebrity didn't realise this might happen (for instance, if, before they auditioned for their first major part, they lived on a tiny remote island with no access to media of any kind (!?) ) they should have researched their career better.