To think that there's a time and a place to approach celebs

[Lydiaatthebarre]

I've just been reading one of those threads where people talk about nice and not so nice celebs they've met.

While some celebrities have clearly been very rude, telling people to fuck off or giving them the two fingers or reducing staff to tears, there are lots of posts where I really would like to hear the celeb's version of events.

I have a friend who's quite a well known actress. She has been approached for selfies and photographs while queueing for the loo in a restaurant, waiting in a Drs waiting room with her fractious toddler and asleep on a long train journey (yes, actually woken up by a fan wanting a photograph}.

AIBU to think some selfie and autograph hunters probably bring any unfriendly reaction on themselves by their rudeness and that there are definitely times and situations where it is totally inappropriate or just thoughtless and inconsiderate to bother them?

Carnivaloftheanimals

I'm not missing it, I just disagree with it.

It's basic manners rather than a "did they choose to be famous or not" type thing.

If a famous person is going about their daily lives then no, I don't think they do owe people a chat, an autograph, a photo etc. I have seen scores of famous people (one or two big stars and a lot of soap type actors) where I live and I would never dream of approaching them directly. They are clearly off duty. If everybody approached them in the street or the cafe they'd never get anything done.

Also of the people who do approach - I've seen on TV that many who are cheeky bold enough to approach often do so forcefully and don't even say they admire the person's work or acknowledge their work in any way. They are just straight in with "Can I have a selfie?" whilst already positioning themselves and their camera. Or "Can I have an autograph?" without even a please or thank you. Very rude. They are then just the sort of people to complain publicly/on social media about how "rude" the celeb was.

Okay. But you don't seem to counter some of the well thought out posts on here. You just sidestep with poorly thought out 'analogies' that don't really work.

YANBU OP. Being successful in a field does not make someone public property. Some people are entitled dicks when it comes to celebrities.

Anyhow back to the AIBU....

Yes, it's bloody rude to just demand autographs and selfies with no thought for where the celebrity is or what they're doing and with complete disregard for their partner or children. On official engagements and at publicity events fair enough. In the supermarket or a restaurant or any other place use some consideration and common sense.

My DC is at school with a footballer and insta-wife. Everyone ignores them as we are too cool to admit we known they are. I’ve only seen one person approach him and the conversation went like this:

Excuse me, are you XX?
Yes.
Oh.

You seem to be putting zelebs and successful actors, sportspeople, journalists etc in the same bracket.

I think I'm one of the few people who isn't! How many creative people who aren't 'performers' are regularly recognised in public? Not many writers are household faces, other than those who choose to become commentators on political matters via social media. Not many composers are household faces. Not many visual artists are instantly recognisable.

With the exception of premier league male footballers, not many sportspeople achieve a high level of facial recognition off the track or field - watch people 'umm' and 'er' on Question of Sport when the photo is of a gymnast or swimmer!

Journalists will only be recognised if they choose to include a picture in their byline or apply to appear on TV.

YANBU
I once saw Robert Carlyle in the supermarket near me and much and all as I absolutely adored him, I didn’t approach him as he was doing his shopping.
He did give me a wee smile as he went past which made my entire life day.
Some of the boys who worked in the warehouse had come out to ask for his autograph and he was charming to them.
I did think, oh here’s my chance
But I restrained myself

Oh and I’m a teacher, I’m always delighted to see pupils and parents when I’m out anywhere. But then, I’m very sociable

I think it's so rude too. I've met Nick Frost from Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz in a cafe when he needed to ask me something. He was really polite but was with his family. I wasn't about to ruin his breakfast. Incidentally he was really lovely to staff too.

Also bumped into Vanessa Feltz in Dubai with her daughters. She was clearly having a fabulous time and I didn't bother her because it was her free time. And I'm a fan because of her excellent radio phone in show. If she'd been working, I would have spoken to her as I know from her show that she wouldn't mind this. I really don't understand what's difficult to follow about this approach.

Equally I think people who complain about slebs not being available 24/7 would be the first people to complain if it happened to them for whatever reason, for example if they were a hairdresser being asked for stying advice on hols or similar.

Incidentally my friend also works in a school and we have to go outside of the area on nights out as people can be so rude, coming up to her to complain about things that are clearly outside her control. It's down to a general sense of entitlement that prevails among a substantial minority.

All the fields you mention have dedicated fans Screaming. Just because someone may not be recognisable to most of the general public, doesn't mean they won't have people who recognise them and want selfies and autographs. So where do you draw the line?

Of course they have dedicated fans, Dione, but the number of them will be relatively small; and the subset of those who would be inconsiderate even smaller - so the instances of being accosted when out and about will be comparatively rare. If someone receives an unwanted request for an autograph, say, twice a year, that's not too onerous in the scheme of things.

I meant where do you draw the line between "entitled to be left alone" and "obliged to deal with fans"?

I saw a less than z-list celeb in a pub in East London recently, and did a double-take because I initially thought she was someone I knew, because she looked familiar. The smug smile she gave me made my skin crawl, and I really wish I hadn't given her the satisfaction of knowing I knew who she was. Reality show stars aren't proper celebrities, they are simply famous for being on TV, not because they are talented in any way.

I was in the same restaurant as a well-known actor and his family last year and nobody approached him other than the waiting staff to take his order. If someone famous is promoting their work, then fine to ask for a selfie I wouldn't but otherwise they are off limits.

An unpopular opinion, but I agree with @ScreamingValenta to an extent. There are plenty of ways for creative people to exercise their creativity (Amateur dramatics/choirs/creative writing competitions) that don’t involve becoming famous. You can also earn a living as an actor or singer without becoming ‘famous’, for example becoming a backing singer (I have seen people list backing singer as a job on programmes like The Voice, so I apologise if you can’t actually make a living out of it!) or acting primarily on stage. I know people who do it. If you seek to become a high level actor/singer/performer then you accept that part of that job is that people are going to recognise you and want to comment on your work. There’s a Kevin Bacon quote that says “There are two kinds of actors, those who want to be famous and those who are liars.” which is interesting coming from an A list celebrity.

That being said, I wouldn’t approach a celebrity if they were busy doing something else. But I can see why people do if they admire them and think this might be their only opportunity to tell them!

I meant where do you draw the line between "entitled to be left alone" and "obliged to deal with fans"?

The point is, you can't 'draw a line' because the dealing with fans part of the job isn't within the control of the celebrity. The celebrity is entitled to be left alone, but in the real world, it's not going to happen - just like people in other jobs are entitled not to have to do unpaid overtime, but it happens; or they're entitled not to be sworn at by customers, but it happens.

People who choose to follow that type of career path - and it is a choice, despite all the lyrical arguments being put forward that they just can't help being so creative and it would be impossible for a creative person to do an ordinary job - have to accept that it's a downside of the choice they have made. In an ideal world, it wouldn't be; but in an idea world everyone would be doing a job they love, with nothing bad about it at all.

At my Dds confirmation a very famous musician was their watching his adult son. My DD absolutely loves him and asked to go say hello but was told no as he was with his family. Later on he was stood by himself and spotted her staring at him and smiled at her so I allowed her to go over and I apologised and explained she was a massive fan. He was fantastic and spent a few minutes chatting to her and asked if she wanted a picture. As soon as we saw his family approaching we thanked him and left. I know we were unreasonable but years later it is still something she talks about and the picture has pride of place in her room. She has low self confidence and anxiety so it was a massive thing for her.

Those exceptional actors, musicians, writers etc. that don't have time for the fans, nor have any respect for them rarely last very long as they no longer bring in the big bucks to the companies that they work for.

Some years ago, I was featured twice on TV because of an interest I was involved in - there's nothing special about me and it was more about the actual activity than myself, but anyway the two programmes went out at prime time

For at least a week afterwards, there were nudges and pointing fingers everywhere I went and even a couple of requests for autographs, presumably from folk who'd have asked this of anyone they'd seen on TV

FWIW it was ruddy awful, but mostly it showed me how folk must feel who have this all the time, even though they're probably used to it

All of which is why I wouldn't do this to anyone else, unless they were actually "working" and inviting it

There’s a Kevin Bacon quote that says “There are two kinds of actors, those who want to be famous and those who are liars.”

I'll wait for the day when the producers of the major TV soap operas and upcoming Hollywood blockbusters have to put out an urgent call for actors who don't mind possibly becoming famous, because they're struggling to find people for the lead roles.

I totally get why ScreamingV doesn't like celebrities, but I do think that lumping all actors and celebrities into one group, and saying that any actor should know that unwanted attention is part of the job is naive.

There are different types of actors. Those that go into it 'wanting to be famous' and those that go into it hoping to do wonderful, creative work at say the National Theatre or RSC, but who happen to get a casting for a film, and they go because they need some money to pay the rent in between the theatre gigs, and then because they're good at what they do, they get the gig and suddenly they're famous.

How exactly were they supposed to know the path their career would take them along? How would they 'have known' they would be famous if this was something they were not aiming for and not expecting? Being famous is reserved for a minority - actors do not enter the profession expecting to become famous. Actors enter the profession expecting to do a few local theatre jobs and being poor in between. Because that is the experience of most actors.

Also, most people decide to be actors aged 18.

What does any person know or expect, aged 18 and how accurate is it?

Even if they DID want a bit of fame, were they really well equipped age 18 to understand what that means for their privacy?

Why are you so hard on actors SV - most of them are struggling on benefits! A lot of them are teaching (and doing it very well) because they can't find acting work.

Acting, singing, dancing and writing can all be done away from any kind of broadcasting screen, if those are things someone is passionate about and wants to do, without the by-product of fame

So your solution to the problem is that people should turn down fantastic roles in films or television programmes and go to a local theatre where they'll never be recognised, rather than other people should leave them alone? That's very odd.

OK, let's pretend we live in a world where instead of celebrities getting public attention, people in your profession got public attention. Everywhere you went, because you were - let's say, an accountant - you got people pestering you for selfies
This is my life. I’m a primary school teacher. I’ll be just happily shopping in Sainsbury’s minding my own business and I’ll hear this whispering start: ‘oh my god, it’s Mrs Luff, it’s Mrs Luff. MRS LUFF!’ Happens all the time.
I’m not complaining. I went into it for the fame.

yellowumbrellas I don't mean to be hard on actors - there are many actors I admire. But would the ones you mention who are struggling on benefits complain if they landed a high profile role in film or TV and then started to be asked for autographs/selfies at inopportune moments? Or would they think 'I'm really lucky to be earning a good wage doing something I love, when so many people are struggling to make it in the industry, so I'll accept these requests for selfies with good grace."

Oh Lord this has made me remember that I bumped into Tanya Gold ( then Times journo) once. She was asking me directions , which I gave. She looked askance at me and said " Do you know who I am?" ( not in aggressive way, just a question). I said "Yes, you're Tanya Gold!"
She said " oh, do you read my column?"
I said "Sometimes, Yes, I do." ( falling inflection.)
"Do you like it?"
"Most times not, I'm afraid."
"Why not?!"
" I find you too self involved, sorry."

She proper stalked off! And I stood there thinking, you bloody asked me what I thought of the thing you do for a living!