DS wants to invite everyone but one to his party

[Sherbetty]

DS's 10th birthday is coming up and he's decided he wants a whole class party with the exception of one child. They've never gotten on, the boy has always teased DS, tried to turn his friends against him, the other week he was throwing stones at DS whilst he was on his way home from school. I can understand why he wouldn't want to invite him but it may cause more problems in ths long run between them. I can only imagine what his parent's will be like if their son is the only one not to be invited. DH thinks it would be cruel not to invite him despite how he treats DS, would I be being unreasonable to let DS do this?

I don’t think any child should be required to invite someone they don’t like to their birthday party - if his parents don’t like it explain why

Lots will come on and say you are right but I think you are wrong. Either every one or a smaller party so you are not leaving one out.

Nothing wrong with this at all. Your son doesn't get on with him, this kid is a bully so he doesn't come. Simple.

In this situation we invited the child and arranged for my Mum to watch that specific child like a hawk for the whole party. She wasn’t very subtle about it either - the child got the message and was fine.

Leaving out one child is unacceptable and wouldn’t reflect well on you or your son. If he doesn’t want the child there then he should have a smaller party. Have you tried to rectify these issues with the child at school?

No I wouldn't do this, I would prefer to teach him to be the bigger person

If he can't tolerate the child being there, then a smaller party.

And inviting the child may help build bridges, and how would your child feel if he was the only one excluded.

So no I woildnt permit this.

At 10 I think your DS can understand what it means to be the bigger person.

I’d invite him, and make him feel welcome. I feel it’s the right thing to do, and may go some way to stopping the behaviour.

Plus it gives you an opportunity to watch the dynamics between them, and the boy with other children. (I’d be keeping a close eye).

I wouldn't do this. I would tell him if he doesn't want to invite everyone (which is fine), he needs to have a smaller party.

As a general rule, I think it’s a bit mean but under these circumstances I think it’s fine. The boy is a bully and at 10 I would expect the boy to understand why he hasn’t been invited.

You can't leave one out. Either whole class or much smaller party.

Does your son want to invite all but one because he genuinely has a deep friendship with all the other children, or because he wants to use the party as a revenge tool and exclude the one.

If the latter, which seems more in line with how a 10 y.o thinks, it's up to you as an adult to stop him.

I would not expect my child to invite their bully into their home. It’s meant to be a safe place.
The bully needs to learn that you reap what you sow at some point, he’s above the age of criminal responsibility after all. This might be a good start.

I wouldn't invite him and go ahead with the party as planned. It's ok to not like someone. And I find persombehaves like that maybe they should learn there are consequences. If mum says anything I'd just say well he threw stones at my son so I won't invite him. End of.

Actually he might not be above the age of criminal responsibility yet, given that he could turn 10 at any point up until 1st September. Still though, this will be a life lesson for him and his parents (are they aware of the bullying?)

Leaving one child out is not acceptable, how would your DS feel if he were the only child not invited to a party? Either invite him or have a smaller party as pp have suggested.

I wouldn't worry about upsetting him by not inviting him if he is horrid to your son. I would worry that it might make the problem worse though.

Not on really. And who does whole class parties at ten?!

Why go down to his level? I agree with your DH - it would be cruel to leave him out. And a very bad lesson for your son. Do as a pp suggested and assign an adult to watch him like a hawk.

Deliberately alienating one child is cruel and bullying behaviour,

At 10 he should be able to understand that, ask him how he would feel if he was the only one left out of the class.

Either invite everyone or invite only half

I understand why you wouldn't want him there, but 2 wrongs don't make a right

I would just do a smaller party. God knows what's up with this boy - maybe he has behavioural issues, shit parents, maybe your son is more to blame than he lets on, maybe he's just genuinely a little shit but I think excluding a single child from a birthday party is a really aggressive and unkind thing to do and will create a bigger problem in the future.

I think by inviting the bully, he is being shown that being mean has no consequences. And showing your son that his feelings are less important than the boy who bullies him. I would have absolutely no qualms about inviting everyone, except the bully. Or explaining why, if either he or his parents questioned the decision.

I wouldn't invite the bully not at 10. He is old enough to take responsibility for his actions. I did this to my daughter in si ilar situation aged 8. It ended badly - not least because she thought we were taking the bullys side so it must be dd that was wrong and the bully even used the party against my daughter weeks later.

I would question why he wants a whole class party. Dependant on the answer I would go ahead or change to a smaller one. But I would not invite the bully.

Personally I think that leaving out one child in the whole class is unacceptable. Either have a smaller party or invite this child too.

I think considering the circumstances it's fine not to invite him. I wouldn't invite a bully.