What, if life was like tv and films, should you never do?

[Wineandpyjamas]

Not really an AIBU but I had an errant thought that if life was like tv shoes and films I would never own a dog or go running/jogging as more than likely I’d discover a dead body.

Has anyone got any more?

Never go down to the basement if you head a noise

Hear*

Would never swim in the sea....
Or visit a dinosaur themed park..

Have a shag in a sink full of dirty crockery.
I don't fancy getting stabbed in the arse by a stray fork or have a spatula surgically removed.

Go anywhere you hear a noise... IN THE FUCKING DARK!

what’s wrong with people, unless there is a cake shop in the darkness, you run the other fucking way. Surely.

I wouldn't wander round my house at night shouting hello without putting the lights on when I know a mad axeman is after my blood either.

Say goodbye or make any small talk at the end of a phone call.

I would never set foot on a boat or a train or whatever when somebody told me how safe it was before... that is when the ship will sink/ there will be an accident or do on

I would never be with somebody with ptsd because he would put a gun on my head

I would never be an archeologist because they get captured by storage tribes

I would never tell my children I love them because the would be eaten by monsters/hit by a rock whatever after that

If would never throw up because people on TV realize that they are pregnant the next day. Never saw nobody who wasn’t pregnant throw up on TV

If you are a police officer, don't retire. The last 24 hours of a police officer's career are the most dangerous.

If you are flying somewhere, don't have the fish.

Never specify times or exactly where to meet when arranging a rendez-vous.

*they get captured by stoneage tribes. Hate my autocorrect.

*I would ever be to nice because nice people die first

@Flyingfish2019 lol storage tribes?
Deep in the Amazon, the Aymara tribe has the complete set of Billy bookshelves and a label maker

If there is a monster on the rampage never go to the loo. You know that beast will rip the roof off. Never have a shower either.

I would never be too* nice because nice people die first. Stupid autocorrect again

In fact I would try to act like a person nobody misses after their death,because it is always the nice and love,y person who die in the first five minutes and will be missed afterwards.

Never be the sidekick, willing to risk your life for the hero.

I wouldn't hide out in a creepy looking motel after running off with my companies money either.
Particularly if the landlord was called Norman.

Love these! Also never live in a small but charming village where bad things never happen... they definitely will.

Sittingaround But the hero often dies, too, especially if he is to good for the world. Maybe best be the nasty one. They only die after they saw how nasty they have been and have regretted it in their last breath. Best never regret how nasty you have.

Now that we are talking about people dying:
Actually I was so surprised when Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump did not die. Because characters like him die nearly always.

never explore the woods in the dark
never explore big old empty houses
never take a shower
never fall asleep
never investigate strange noises
never tell your DC you love them

Close a mirrored bathroom cabinet. There is always something reflected over your shoulder waiting for you. Always

I would never marry the goodlooking, rich and charming widower because he is a psychopath who killed his last wife

Never use elaborate methods to murder secret agents. It just gives them time to escape.
Just shoot them.

Storage tribes =Ikea warriors??

Rayray, so true. I often wonder why they just don’t shoot 007 instead of placing him on a chair over a pooling piranhas.