What, if life was like tv and films, should you never do?

[Wineandpyjamas]

Not really an AIBU but I had an errant thought that if life was like tv shoes and films I would never own a dog or go running/jogging as more than likely I’d discover a dead body.

Has anyone got any more?

Yes, @WingsofNylon - the 'expendable fat bloke' in every film. Marian Keyes fans will get this. Usually pleasant, easy to spot when you know to look for them. Always the first to get killed.

it is always the nice and love,y person who die in the first five minutes

That reminds me of that bit at the start of the Lego Batman film, just before Gotham City is attacked: "Gee what a nice guy! I sure hope nothing bad ever happens to him!"

When you think you've managed to kill/disarm that person trying to kill you, don't turn your back on them, just dont !!!

Someone beat me to it with Midsomer.

Do not stay in wood/log cabins...or cabins in woods ...actually just stay out of woods altogether

Don't run from the psycho a fast walk is sufficient. Psychos are known for doing the slow determined walk so you should be ok ...running you will end up tripping because you are looking backwards and breaking your ankle/stepping into a trap/falling into a bush.

Do put the lights on as soon as you walk in the front door.

Don't have an emotional/inspiring argument/conversation if you are about to cross the road or are in front of a large body of water...you will be hit by a large vehicle or eaten

Stay away from ouija boards.

running you will end up tripping because you are looking backwards and breaking your ankle/stepping into a trap/falling into a bush.
YY to this. Why does anyone in films running away never look where they are going, they always look round and inevitably trip over? Drives me mad.

Sorry wrong thread! have never done that in my whole time on MN!!

dont stop in creepy looking motels and certainly dont have a shower in one either

If you're eating out don't order anything expensive as you wont get to finish it. Either you or your companion will be called away or there will be some sort of disaster in the restaurant.
Just for once I'd like to see someone finish their food.
Also, don't ever bother locking your car.

If you're an American visiting somewhere forrin, make sure you get as many tourist icons in the background as possible. After all, how would anyone know where you are?

No matter how safe a piece of industrial machinery looks...never ever put your hand inside it...ever

Never bring a packed lunch to work. Always go to the pub for a pie and have a couple of pints while you're there.
Also, even if you only live two doors away from the café, fork out for a cuppa there instead of putting the kettle on at home.

Even if you are panicking about not being able to pay the rent.

Also, no matter how badly someone has wronged you, never EVER say ‘I could kill X for what she’s done to me!’ X will be brutally murdered within hours and you will be stuck in a never-ending whodunnit / miscarriage of justice storyline.

Never own a baby monitor. Your darkest secrets are sure to be accidentally revealed to all your friends and family.

Never go home, leave the front door unlocked, wander around, run the bath whilst leaving the fan off and ensure all the bathroom mirrors steam up. Then turn on loud music, boil the kettle, maybe put in ear plugs so you cannot hear anyone creeping up on you, ensure your keys and mobile phone are out of reach, get undressed and wander into a bathroom where you cannot see. There will be a mad axeman in there waiting you.
Your next door neighbour will phone you after hearing muffled screams but you will not be able to reach your phone or even find your car keys to escape.

Never be best friends with someone prettier, you are doomed to be a sideshow to their romantic tribulations

Never go on a suspension bridge, there is bound to be a car chase or massive earthquake on it

Never own a small furry pet (eg rabbit) it will die in some horrible way

Never realise you love someone until an hour after they left for the airport (and then, never consider that you could wait and tell them you love them via the magic of a call)

Never pretend type as you will look so unconvincing that you will be sacked by the end of the day.

If you're planning on having a dramatic/heartfelt conversation outside with your love interest/best friend take an umbrella with you. Chances are said conversation will be conducted in torrential rain.

Say 'I have a bad feeling about this' as that means that disaster HAS to strike immediately, to justify aforementioned bad feeling.

Never hire a nanny.

Never ever agree to be anyone's maid-of-honor. Might not be a bad idea in real life either.

Yep Cigars .Big Ben ,Buckingham Palace etc and every one saying Cor Blimey , Apples and Pears etc even if you are visiting Birmingham

Private ha! Found you!

Don’t drop the weapon after killing the bad guy.

You always see a heroine shot or stab the baddide then look at her hand and drop or throw the weapon away in disgust. You just know he’s not dead and will be picking up said weapon.

We play ‘spot the stiff’ a lot. In a war film a clean cut good looking guy will say ‘well this is my last mission then i’ll Go home to my Mary-Beth and we’ll get married and run her daddies farm!! We’ll just shout ‘dead’ x

Never look at the road ahead whilst driving.... there really us no need.
Have a lengthy conversation with your passenger whilst constantly looking directly at them.... and you can even spend 50% of your journey turning your head to look at the person following you.... ignore that rear view mirror

Don't...
Live in Midsomer County
Snog Captain Kirk in the original Star Trek. They never survive the episode.