What, if life was like tv and films, should you never do?

[Wineandpyjamas]

Not really an AIBU but I had an errant thought that if life was like tv shoes and films I would never own a dog or go running/jogging as more than likely I’d discover a dead body.

Has anyone got any more?

Never live on a plain background and interact with a line that keeps drawing impossible challenges for you.

Never make eye contact with anyone across a crowded room or you'll face months of misunderstandings and high jinks before you can snog them.

Never ignore a call on your mobile. It is someone about to impart some hugely important news that will save your life/marriage/sanity.

Never mention you have a bit of a headache. You will be in hospital with a brain tumour by the end of the week.

If you are a supervillsin trying to blow up the whole world, a secret agent tries to stop you and you catch him... never ever tell him about your evil plans before trying to kill him... because he will escape.

If you are murderer and somebody like Sherlock Holmes is trying to catch you but you catch him and plan to kill him... never tell him him how you did it because he is going to escape.

Never leave your curtains open, lights on when you are home alone living in the back of beyond.

If you are the uber-baddy trying to take over the world, never rely on incompetent goons with machine guns for your bodyguards, as they will fire a hundred rounds without so much as injuring the hero, who in turn will take out all of said goons with a small handgun and a well-placed elbow to the head.

I would never say never again!

If derived from Casualty.......nothing at all, everything will kill you and/or everyone you know.

@Flyingfish2019
Yep, you must resist the urge to boast of your fiendish intellect.
If you are a new crew member on a spaceship, don't go on an away mission. You will die.
If you get picked ring in sick.

@TitOfTheIceberg
Yes, in fact you should probably have some kind of marksmanship test before you take them on for the job. On the application forms add the question "can you hit a barn door at 10 paces? Yes. You're in."

Never travel to go to work , never meets stranger and call i in love ,soap.operas state that you can only fall in love with someone in the same street,square,small village etc, and work in the same , street, square , village Steven if you are a professional

Never ever tell anyone you’ll be right back or you’ll always be there to look after them.

I wouldn't leave the hiding place I'd found 30 seconds after the killer had dismissed it as one. Stay in there for an hour or two until he gives in and goes home!

I would never have all the lights on in my big house in the middle of nowhere and not draw the curtains, essentially making my house look like a lighthouse with a big "Come murder me" sign. Draw the curtains FGS.

I would not go to a fancy dress party dressed as a bunnygirl.

I would never hire a nanny.

I would never go on a canoeing holiday in rural Georgia (but if I had to I would definitely take a banjo .

@sulflower - crossed post

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3474123-AIBU-to-ask-what-you-learned-from-TV

AIBU to ask what other things you learned from TV apart from what never to do?

I would NEVER EVER blackmail a killer.
The killer will kill you.
Every
Single
Time

Never go out with a nice decent man because I will meet his obnoxious friend and hate him before realising I'm madly in love with him and decent man being decent will get mildly angry for approximately one minute when he finds out before wishing me all the best with Mr. Obnoxious.

Never say "This is going to be the best Christmas ever".

Never attend the Christmas party of a Japanese company in a high rise building.

My main pet peeve is in horror films when the person hears a noise in the dark so runs out of the room they’re in, into another room, without even looking inside. They’ll just have their back turned to the room, why don’t they just leave their house!

Or call the police! Why doesn’t anyone do that!

Never go to investigate unusual occurance with a friend and then split up, either you or df will get GOT

I always think if i we're a movie baddie and I'd captured my enemy and I'm planning on killing them i would just get on with it and shoot them or whatever, i wouldn't reveal the details of my cunning plan, at length, giving them time to escape!

Never say “/Monsters/haunted houses... that’s just a myth“ because five minutes later you find out it is not...

Never travel to Transilvania.

Never be the favourite son of your father because you will die while your brother survives, father will become bitter and tells your brother he wished he died instead of you. Whenever your father tells your brother he loves you just as much, he will be dead five minutes later too.

Never let somebody tell you you are like the son he never had, he will be dead five minutes later

I’d probably never have a pet either as they would always be killed and left somewhere for me to find - every time I see a dog or cat in a horror film I get so anxious.