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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly against MIL moving in!

178 replies

Sleepingbabiesareamyth · 05/01/2019 10:17

I’ve got to go back to work later this year after having my first baby a few months ago. My DH has stated that he does not want us to be spending ‘loads of money on childcare unnecessarily’. He and my MIL have both been pushing me to agree to MIL moving in with us so she can look after the baby when I go back to work.
She currently lives in rented accommodation and isn’t working (out of choice). I find her very hard to be around for more than a couple of days at a time as I feel that she is trying to take over and control every aspect of my life. I.e. anything I say regarding the baby she always knows better on and will do her way regardless of my opinion. DH doesn’t see a problem at all with this.
AIBU about both DH & MIL wanting her to move in. Should I just ‘suck it up’ as it would save us a lot of money?
I just feel that I would no longer get any say in my child’s life and this is stressing me out hugely.

OP posts:
IAmRubbishAtDIY · 05/01/2019 10:18

DO NOT DO IT

IAmRubbishAtDIY · 05/01/2019 10:19

I'm actually having a nervous sweat on your behalf Grin.

kaytee87 · 05/01/2019 10:19

Don't do it. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. If she became the child's primary carer then she'd have a real case to be granted access if you and your husband split up.

Bananarama12 · 05/01/2019 10:19

NO NO NO

7kyay · 05/01/2019 10:20

Don't do it!! Trust your gut, there's no going back once she's in the house

Jackshouse · 05/01/2019 10:20

NO, NO, NO.

Tell your DH that you will be moving out if MIL moves in.

Dreamingofkfc · 05/01/2019 10:20

Defo No! Childcare can be expensive but it's temporary - your Mil will be there forever!

soupmaker · 05/01/2019 10:20

Unless you live in a massive house with a self contained 'Granny wing' with a bolt on the door on your side DO NOT DO THIS.

Corbynscat · 05/01/2019 10:21

Don't do it. Nursery/childminder has many advantages for a babies social development that I highly doubt your mil can give unless she’s active in the playgroup now. But you already clash it’s a recipe made for disaster

userschmoozer · 05/01/2019 10:21

I can't even. How are you managing to be polite in the face of that kind of provocation?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 05/01/2019 10:21

Oh no, no, no. Stand firm and say "I appreciate the offer but have chosen to do x" and never, ever budge on it.

Also, you need a harsh conversation with your DH about which one of you is his DW; if he's going to obey her and listen to her nonsense then perhaps he'd like to move back in with her while you get on with adulthood and parenthood.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 05/01/2019 10:21

No way! Your MIL is using your son to prop up her lifestyle choices.

Sexnotgender · 05/01/2019 10:22

Dear lord no!

Absolutely not, I’d tell your DH that if his mother moves in you’ll be moving out.

Even if you got on like a house on fire I’d advise against it.

KnittingSister · 05/01/2019 10:22

OMG.

I find her very hard to be around for more than a couple of days at a time as I feel that she is trying to take over and control every aspect of my life.

This is all you need to know. DON'T DO IT!

DragonMamma · 05/01/2019 10:23

ShockShockShock

NO NO NO

pictish · 05/01/2019 10:23

NOOOO!!

Do not agree to this. You would soon live to regret it and once she’s in you will never be free of her. I cannot stipulate enough...NO.

JillScarlet · 05/01/2019 10:25

No.
Your home is your home and it is not reasonable to have your MIL move in unless you actively want her to.

What would happen when your child starts school? You evict her?

Tell your DH that havjng a relative move into your home is not reasonable. Would he want your Mum to move in with you all?

autumnboys · 05/01/2019 10:26

As someone else said on another thread, recently, he can live with his mum, or his wife, but not both.

Cheesycheesytwist · 05/01/2019 10:26

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

That is all.

ScarlettDarling · 05/01/2019 10:27

Why does your mil have to move in? Would it not be an option for her just to come to your house when you go to work to look after your dc? You could pay her the going rate for a child minder. Or you could take your baby to her house for the childcare.

JoeLycettsSparklyArmSling · 05/01/2019 10:28

Not in a million fucking years. Don’t allow this ever. Even if you did get on like a house on fire with MIL it’s still a really bad idea. Don’t do it.

Elllicam · 05/01/2019 10:30

Jesus god no.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 05/01/2019 10:31

Your DH is a gobshite.
He thinks it will make HIS life easier. Doesn't give a flying fuck about yours.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 05/01/2019 10:32

Hell no.

She undermines you already (what does dh do about this?) and you’re being pressured by both of them? Yeah next it’s - oh it seems so silly to be paying rent on a place I’m never at. It’d be better if I move in here permanently. What? You have ideas on how to bring up your child? Why i know what I’m doing I brought up my son.

Aaaaaaand you’ll be back on here asking for divorce advice.

mumeeee · 05/01/2019 10:32

Don't do it. Having your MIL living with you won't be good. Actually any parent living with you wouldn't be a good idea.
Your DH.you and your baby are a family unit now. That does not include your MI