To be utterly against MIL moving in!

[Sleepingbabiesareamyth]

I’ve got to go back to work later this year after having my first baby a few months ago. My DH has stated that he does not want us to be spending ‘loads of money on childcare unnecessarily’. He and my MIL have both been pushing me to agree to MIL moving in with us so she can look after the baby when I go back to work.
She currently lives in rented accommodation and isn’t working (out of choice). I find her very hard to be around for more than a couple of days at a time as I feel that she is trying to take over and control every aspect of my life. I.e. anything I say regarding the baby she always knows better on and will do her way regardless of my opinion. DH doesn’t see a problem at all with this.
AIBU about both DH & MIL wanting her to move in. Should I just ‘suck it up’ as it would save us a lot of money?
I just feel that I would no longer get any say in my child’s life and this is stressing me out hugely.

NO! NO!
If it helps, see the responses here to my thread - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3467826-MIL-staying-with-us-weekly
I, and practically the whole of Mumsnet, sweating profusely already at 3 nights weekly. Moving in altogether - no way.

Oh whoa. i misread the op. They’re already talking about a permanent moving in?!

Run for the hills!!!

Just to add that I would normally suggest some compromise (e.g. limiting it to a short-term and very finite arrangement, so no more than 2-3 weeks for instance). But in this case it sounds like your MIL's overbearing nature would make it impossible to keep the lid on and it would stretch indefinitely.

So, no!

She could (not saying she should) look after him and not move in - so the moving in bit is for her not to help you

No its not a good idea

It’s funny that the DH doesn’t have a problem with ‘his’ mother moving in. I have no doubt my OH would probably say the same. However absolutely not a chance would I have his or my DM living in my house. Time for you to put your big girl pants on and tell them now to bog off. If you don’t you will spend the remainder of your maternity leave stressed and the big mil moving in.

Nonononononono!!

Head tilt and say 'no, child is going to nursery. But isnt it wonderful MIL can help with emergency childcare'. It's what I did and 4 years on MIL has not been needed once.

No no and no again.

Why is your DH seemingly in such thrall to his mother, why is his primary loyalty to her rather than you here?. He being tight fisted is no reason to get his mother in. She is anyway not a suitable person to be around your child at all given how she is towards you.

I'm saying this as a Mil who occasionally helps out with childcare and stays over with my DS and DIL and I follow their rules
No, a thousand times no
Don't let this happen
If you struggle with her now because she's trying to take over then it will get 1,0000 times worse. Is your DH suggesting she moves in so his life will be easier and he won't have to step up and get involved with childcare

How big is your house?

Will you all enjoy stuck in the same living room every evening watching her choice of tv? Will she be able to hear you having sex?
Will you be eating together? Who's rhythm will dictate and who will cook?

It sounds ghastly!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!

Tel DH that if MIL moves in - you will be moving out!

Don’t do it.,
She will take over the rearing of YOUR child.
You have to keep saying “NO” and stick to it. You are fighting for your child here.

Make your position clear and don't budge.

Courage ma brave!

No way. Paying for childcare will be so worth it to keep your sanity. Your DP is awful to suggest this.

Get baby signed up for childcare now and pay deposit.

You need to read your DH the Riot Act, he should cut the apron strings and start being a grown up supportive husband to you.

I was going to add a link to @tokira thread but she has already done it!

Do not do this. Let hell freeze over before you do this. You start from a much worse position I'd say than Tokira.

And of course you know this is first and foremost a DH problem.

I wouldn't use her for childcare, unless it was for an emergency. She will override you every time.

As for living with you, I'd say your husband has a choice: either you live with him or his mother lives with him.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Absolutely not!

NO. You'll move out if she moves in.

But wouldn't you have to pay for all her food etc and wouldn't she 'need' spending money - how does she manage now, is she on benefits? And if benefits, how will they be impacted if she moves in with you? (this is all hypothetical - she's not moving in, remember that).

No. Never.

If she doesn’t have a job anyway it’s not like she’s giving up an income stream. Why does she need to live with you to help out?

Yes if you and dp split up your mil getting rights in court would be a real possibility.

What a shit situation - does your DH have form for treating you like this? Jesus he just wants two women running round after him. I'd feel a bit sick and that the relationship was pretty much over.

Absolutely no way