To be utterly against MIL moving in!

[Sleepingbabiesareamyth]

I’ve got to go back to work later this year after having my first baby a few months ago. My DH has stated that he does not want us to be spending ‘loads of money on childcare unnecessarily’. He and my MIL have both been pushing me to agree to MIL moving in with us so she can look after the baby when I go back to work.
She currently lives in rented accommodation and isn’t working (out of choice). I find her very hard to be around for more than a couple of days at a time as I feel that she is trying to take over and control every aspect of my life. I.e. anything I say regarding the baby she always knows better on and will do her way regardless of my opinion. DH doesn’t see a problem at all with this.
AIBU about both DH & MIL wanting her to move in. Should I just ‘suck it up’ as it would save us a lot of money?
I just feel that I would no longer get any say in my child’s life and this is stressing me out hugely.

Never never never

Don’t do this. This has absolutely no chance of going well.

No no no no no!

Fuck that. No.

This is the most insane proposal I've ever heard.

Your dh will counter anything you say to object with the financial implications. You need to point out that it's the same for everyone with young children and that you will manage.

Definitely not and childcare wouldn't be unnecessary, a mil moving in is unnecessary.
Stick to your guns and tell dh if she moves in then you and baby will move out.
As usual you have a dh problem, not mil.

It's not spending loads of money unnecessarily. You know that it is worth the money to pay for childcare. You know that that cost is trivial compared to the emotional/ psychological and relationship cost of MIl moving in with you.

I am concerned about your DH's blatant disregard for your boundaries on this issue. He is pressurising you to such an extent that you are doubting yourself about a decision you know would be disastrous for you. That's not good OP.

he does not want us to be spending ‘loads of money on childcare unnecessarily’.
The key word there is "unnecessarily." Preserving his marriage (indirectly) is not unnecessary. It is a vital expenditure, and well worth it for you both.

*Don't do it!!
*
I am still getting over having MIL here for a week. That was more than long enough! I feel panicky on your behalf OP .

"It's not an unnecessary expenditure. It will help keep your marriage intact. Your mother moving in would mean I was moving out. Is that what you want?"

OMG, just NO OP! 😮

The only way this would be half tolerable would be if:

i) you have a self contained annex
ii) you respect and like your mil
iii) your DH is aware of the potential for strain and will support your choices unwaveringly
iv) you're prepared for your mil getting to s point where it's too much donyou gsve ger both living with you whilst paying for childcare.

Otherwise no no no no no

Erm, no.

It’s a no, no, no, no, NO from me too

No way, your marriage will be over within the year.

Leave with dc rather than accept this in any form. And if she comes to stay for a week, arrange for your dm to come and stay immediately afterwards, so MIL has to leave on time or deal with your mum..

Could she look after the baby a couple of days a week at the flat she lives in? She also may not realise just how exhausting it is looking after a baby now she is a bit older. And if she couldn’t cope how would you deal with that situation?

Definitely not! This is like something my husband would say to me as a joke, because he knows how strongly my response against it would be!

Yet another NO NO NO NO NO NO.

Do not do this. It will be the biggest mistake of your life.

Childcare is cheaper than a divorce.

Don't do it.

Unless you live in a massive house with a self contained 'Granny wing' with a bolt on the door on your side DO NOT DO THIS.

Even if you live in a massive house with a self contained 'Granny wing' with a bolt on the door on your side DO NOT DO THIS.

My Nana (my mums mum) did this when we were little. She had a granny annex and I LOVED having her live with us. As a family it worked really well. My nana was calm and accommodating and my Dad loved her.

My Dsis remembered this fondly, and kindly let her MIL move in with her. It very nearly cost her sanity and marriage. Awful tales of interference, not least in criticising my Dsis not ‘looking after’ her DH - MIL baby!

DO NOT DO IT.

No . It’s a absolute recipe for disaster - too many adults under one roof never works well except rot in the short term and you’ve already indicated your reservations . Tell your husband paying for childcare in the short term is cheaper than divorce .

No way.

Men do come up with these daft ideas!
She is his Mother they have a shared history her character and any foibles she may have are fairly accepted by him. The Op has a different background/history, she cannot be so accepting of a person, who she does not share a history with.
I have 4 adult sons, Two live with their partners at ours, it works because we all have our own space and we are all very easy going. It could be so very different if they had DCs, or we didn't respect or accept one another.
I could not live with my other two sons and their partners (much as I love them all) as we I think would clash/disagree on a few things that would tarnish the good relationships we already have, and besides that there has never been any question of those circumstances arising.

I would personally advise against it unless you are entirely on a similar wavelength as your MIL and you agree on most things and she is respectful of your house being your house. Childcare complicates things, will she completely respect your opinions, methods of doing things, defer to your judgment??? If not don't even consider it, as it will ruin all relationships all round!

I think you'd have to travel a long way before you found anyone who thought you should even remotely entertain the idea of allowing Mil to move in.