To be utterly against MIL moving in!

[Sleepingbabiesareamyth]

I’ve got to go back to work later this year after having my first baby a few months ago. My DH has stated that he does not want us to be spending ‘loads of money on childcare unnecessarily’. He and my MIL have both been pushing me to agree to MIL moving in with us so she can look after the baby when I go back to work.
She currently lives in rented accommodation and isn’t working (out of choice). I find her very hard to be around for more than a couple of days at a time as I feel that she is trying to take over and control every aspect of my life. I.e. anything I say regarding the baby she always knows better on and will do her way regardless of my opinion. DH doesn’t see a problem at all with this.
AIBU about both DH & MIL wanting her to move in. Should I just ‘suck it up’ as it would save us a lot of money?
I just feel that I would no longer get any say in my child’s life and this is stressing me out hugely.

If you agree to this you only have yourself to blame.

A thousand NO’s to this.

If MIL moved in with us it would be the end of our marriage. Don’t do it OP. If you’re happy for her to do childcare and she is happy to offer drop the baby to her house or if she rents and wants to move closer to you she can get a place nearer. Just don’t do it.

If your MIL splits you up, the court might well grant custody to him, with MIL living with him to provide childcare
... and you paying maintenance as NRP

Her dream ending

You career could suffer in the future as a direct result of her moving in. Do you think it would be you or your husband who would be your MIL's carer if she got ill?

You are NOT needlessly wasting money on childcare. For starters it is not just about money. Thats money for childcare AND your emotional and financial independence from your MIL in the longer term. Its not a cost saving; its just defering costs and putting your needs at the bottom of those of yours, your husbands, your childs when they should be balanced. You need time to establish a family unit emotionally after having a baby. This takes several years to do. Your MILs sticking her oar in, is disruptive to that, is putting her needs before those of your family unit and you in particular.

You husband needs to grow up and learn that you should come before his mother. If he's not prepared to do that, run for the hills now. It'll save you a lot of heart ache.

Going to go against the grain here and say it's a great idea! Win-win.

...

No. No, no, no. This is one of those rare unicorns, a unanimous AIBU? thread.

Even I'm saying no, and I'm a MIL! Absolute nightmare! Your marriage would be on the rocks in a very short space of time!

That is a fucking hard no from me.

God no!!!

This has to be a wind up! No one would think living with the mother in law, especially when just finding your feet in motherhood is a good idea!!!

She moves in you move out!

This is a huge no. She will be there forever, long after your child has flown the nest. Don't do it.

I had this with my great grandmother and my grandparents, and she was there till her dying day in her nineties, decades after my mother left home. My grandparents said basically they were never alone, there was always three of them in the marriage. When she becomes old and infirm you will be her carer.

It's a terrible mistake.

Even if you loved her and she were brilliant with the baby, it would take careful agreement in advance about how it works.

However, you already clash with her - and your DH seems to be on her side / gives in for an easy life

Incidentally it would also be a no if it was anyone else moving in, not just MIL. My home is for me, my husband and our children. Anyone else moving in would make it less of a place where I can relax and be myself.

NO!

I think that would be the end of your marriage.

I love my mum and DP's mum, but no way I would want either one of them to move in with us.

They will forever gang up on you. You won’t have a voice and she’ll never move out.

DON’T DO IT!!

Absolutely not. What woman in her right mind would want to lose her independence and move into someone else's house?

As others have said, did you and your partner not give any consideration to childcare at any point until now?

And why is he dictating what he's not willing to spend on childcare? Especially as you're returning to work full time - it's for both of you to decide.

Goes without saying that it's a terrible idea, but it sounds like you might have been a bit more proactive, rather than not broaching the subject yourself and thus becoming a sitting duck for this kind of suggestion from him?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

NO NO NO!

NO NO NO Way oh my god this is a terrible idea, he can live with you and dc or with his mum. Not both

No way! I wouldn't want either my DM or my MIL moving in, it would be my worst nightmare. Thankfully for me, neither of them would want to.

Seriously, don't countenance it, just keep saying no.

The interference with my DDs (particularly where my DM is concerned) would be unbearable if we were ever to try this. I can cope with her attempts to take over for two or three days in a row at the most.

I'll add my 'NO' to the cacophony - terrible idea and is be telling my dh if she comes then baby and I are leaving. See how much money he spends on maintenance and half childcare!

*I'd

Nope from me as well

Tell him you’ll leave and it’ll cost him more in maintenance and childcare

I MIL is so keen to be a child minder she can register to be one!! And mind other children.

Can't she move nearer and help out with childcare? Moving in is a terrible idea - your life will be ruined.

Well dh if you really want to live with your mummy, then you can move into her place.

Hell would freeze over before this would happen,