To be utterly against MIL moving in!

[Sleepingbabiesareamyth]

I’ve got to go back to work later this year after having my first baby a few months ago. My DH has stated that he does not want us to be spending ‘loads of money on childcare unnecessarily’. He and my MIL have both been pushing me to agree to MIL moving in with us so she can look after the baby when I go back to work.
She currently lives in rented accommodation and isn’t working (out of choice). I find her very hard to be around for more than a couple of days at a time as I feel that she is trying to take over and control every aspect of my life. I.e. anything I say regarding the baby she always knows better on and will do her way regardless of my opinion. DH doesn’t see a problem at all with this.
AIBU about both DH & MIL wanting her to move in. Should I just ‘suck it up’ as it would save us a lot of money?
I just feel that I would no longer get any say in my child’s life and this is stressing me out hugely.

Tell him accept it or don't accept it it's not happening .please do not do this it will ruin your life . If you already feel like you do about her and how she behaves. the baby is your baby and his baby you let your mother in to babysit when you're at work it doesn't stop when you come home .when she is living with you she will have permanent say on what goes on with your baby because she is there 24/7 it does not just turn off when you walk in trust me it will not end well.

As a MIL, who childminds my Granddaughter, 100% no to this.
You're getting lots of good advice on here.
My concerns would be that it sounds if they have discussed/decided this without you present?
Also, when was the subject of childcare, and it's costs, discussed between you and your DH?
I would agree, with previous posters, if she moves in - that will end up as permanent.
Perhaps your husband should consider all the costs of a marital breakdown?
Don't let it happen. Good Luck

Oh hell no

Your marriage is doomed if you let her move in. And your relationship with your baby will never, ever recover....don't do it!

OP if MIL rents then she can move closer to you and rent somewhere nearby, you can pay her to look after baby if you feel she will look after him well, (she did bring up your DH) and she will have money and your DH wont have to worry about baby being in childcare.

How about this for a solution?

NOOOOO.

You'll become a guest in your own home. And if she's already trying to take over, her living there and doing childcare during work hours it will be far, far worse.

Why can't she do childcare in her home? If you wanted her too obviously. A childminder and MIL split maybe. Although I'd be putting my foot down with her doing things her way, she's not the child's mother.

No way, not ever!!!!

Did you discuss childcare before you planned the baby (or was the pregnancy unplanned)?

I would let the same grandparent(s) do a maximum of 2 days per week so they retain the grandparent as opposed to main carer status! It means a bit of grandparent indulgence is ok etc.

You need to remind your DH that paying for childcare is very necessary to stop your MIL living with you and to stop him joining the Divorced Men's Club.

Noooooooo

Nope

ALSO DON'T LET HER MOVE IN. If you and DH split up he could claim that you are at work all day and baby is looked after by his mum so would be better off staying with him and you only have baby every other weekend! .

Good god no. If you had a good relationship and she respected boundaries and you wanted her fine but no way with what you have described.

Oh sweet Jesus, no. Hard hard pass.

Are you all on glue?

I'm a mil and provide child care, no no and no again. Suggest your mum moves in instead and see his reaction.

As soon as I saw the thread title, every fibre of my being was screaming NO!!!!!

My MIL is absolutely lovely, I love her to bits and regard her as a 2nd mum.

Despite all that, I still wouldn't want her moving in. Imagine never feeling able to have a row, for fear she'd take his side?

Would they belive you if you said..."No, because you have heard how the daughter/mother-in-law relationship can be ruined by living together. We are going to be family forever and are not doing anything to risk a happy family. I are lucky to have a mil that I like, not everyone is so lucky, and nothing can change your mind."
Can baby go to her place one or two days, (if not too far out of the way to work) or even more, but she does it in her own place?

You will lose the relationship with baby as well as your dh. No amount of savings made on childcare can be worth that.

Don't engage with dh when he brings it up.
Just pretend to be puzzled, don't dignify it with a response, laugh when he suggests it, then very calmly ring around nurseries in front of him. Just POWER through. Don't waste your energy arguing with him AT ALL. When he sees how determined you are, he will drop this ridiculous idea.

I love my Mum.
I get on well with my Mum.
I would have loved my Mum to have fine childcare: our differences in caring for my Dc amounted to ‘it takes s village to raise s child ‘, we didn’t all have to work to a rigid manual written by me.
My Mum and DH get on. She loves and respects him.

Would I have my Mum move in with us?

NO!

This sounds like madness!!!

Out of interest what did you both discuss / agree prior to having children and while pregnant?

NO!!!!!! For all of the reasons given and more. You are not comfortable with your MIL living with you and caring for your baby. That is enough. End of.

OP, how did the conversation come about?

NO NO NO NO, do not allow her to move in, not even on a “temporary” basis. If she looks after the baby (I’d limit it to one or two days/week) it MUST be on your terms. It will ruin your marriage, and your relationship with your child. Don’t let it happen.

Absolutely nope!

It's typical of this kind of situation that the nice MIL's (who it might actually be tolerable to live with) wouldn't consider doing this as they'd see what a bad idea it was. The fact that she's on for it means she'll be an utter nightmare. You'd dread coming home each day. Power through OP! Like the poster above suggests.

I would honestly rather divorce in this situation. I'd rather live alone with my baby than with my MIL