DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

It does sound unfair. If she's already given him the money, I'm not sure how she plans to enforce this.

You need legal advice.
How quickly can your DP pay back the loan?

I bet the money laundering source of deposit checks were fun!

Tell him to say yes Mum I’ve changed it. But don’t actually change it, pay back the money ASAP, and be extremely wary when dealing with her manipulative “gifts” in the future.

Or he could pull out of buying the house, have an enormous blow out row with her and not speak to her for six months. Those are really the only two options, in my experience.

I've considered the option where we don't change it but she wants to see evidence, and to see his will when he makes it.

From what I can tell it's very easy to check the land registry too to see if it's joint tenants or tenants in common.

DP agrees that it's unreasonable but doesn't think it's a big deal as he's sure he won't pass away - but if anything does happen I really don't want to deal with her!

Is there any way you can get the deposit together without her loan?

She is obviously being totally unreasonable - for a 2.5% investment, she wants to be left 50% of the value of the flat? - and a more reasonable solution would be for her to have a second charge on the flat (after the mortgage lenders) but it sounds like she would not agree to that.

I would hope that the chances of your DP dying before his mother would be very slim, so the worst-case scenario is unlikely. If this is the only way you can proceed with the purchase, agree to tenants in common and the will, pay back her loan as soon as possible, then switch the ownership to joint tenants and have as little as possible to do with her in future (certainly nothing that puts you under a financial obligation to her).

Of course, it would also be possible to switch to joint tenancy and change a will without informing her, even before paying back the loan...

My DM used to behave like this, and it really did take a couple of spectacular rows, pulling out of major events and not speaking for months to knock it on the head. I would still never accept a penny from her because I know she uses it to control people.

She is BU, the gift of money isn't even equal to his half that she would get should he die. I wouldn't change it. If you have offered a contract stating you will pay her back then she's just being greedy in my opinion!

You could have it drawn up that if anything happens she gets what’s leftover of her loan back.

It is insulting and wrong of her to demand half of your flat. I can’t understand a parent who would even think about their child’s death, let alone want to profit from it.

If as I understand it you have the money from her you could ignore her, as she can’t impose conditions now. The loan is a contract and she can’t alter the terms unilaterally.

Get your own solicitor. As soon as fucking humanly possible. Red flags all over the place.

No. Absolutely not. DPs will can include a stipulation that she gets the value of the deposit back, would be as far as you (plural) should go.

What Steff said, how on earth is she going to enforce this? How much has she lent to your DP? I would encourage him to pay her back asap and try to find another source of the.funds if possible, it's not worth her thinking she has some ownership of your flat, or a hold over him

@fezzesarecool I have also suggested this, but she can check on the land registry.

Also DP doesn't want to damage his relationship irrevocably with her- she is across the world so would be very difficult to make amends if he needed to.

We can't get the money together in time for this purchase without her loan, so it's either agree or pull out.

She can't actually do anything but it would be the end of DP's relationship with her if he took her money and didn't agree (in her words).

Thank you all for your kind words- I was unsure if I was being crazy or not!

I will never accept anything from her again under any terms.

If you are worried about her checking the land registry, you could just stick with tenants in common until the loan is paid off but change the will after showing her the first version, and make a new one that just leaves you 45% of his share, with 5% going to her, and take out an insurance policy so that you would not have to sell the flat to pay her out if the worst came to the worst.

Wills are not public documents until after someone has died and they have gone through probate, so she would not need to know.

@exexpat this is a great idea thank you. We will look into this ASAP.

I've considered the option where we don't change it but she wants to see evidence, and to see his will when he makes it

Ok then, huge row it is! Up to you whether you give her the money back and passive-aggressively lose the house, giving you something to throw back in her face for the next twenty years (I’m not joking, putting her completely and indisputably in the wrong is a winning tactic here and also gives you something up your sleeve when she pulls this trick again). High chance that you will be so furious with her that your relationship will be permanently damaged though.

Or do you just want to keep the money and have a massive row. Since she gave it to you months ago, she can’t make you repay it if you don’t want to. My brother would take this tactic, it is harder work because she will be harping on about it forever (literally years), but probably more chance of maintaining the relationship that way.

Typo correction - that should be 95% of his share to you, 5% to her.

She can't actually do anything but it would be the end of DP's relationship with her if he took her money and didn't agree (in her words)

From experience, it will be the end of his relationship with her if you lose the house. I am still extremely bitter and angry about (far smaller) things DM did to me five years ago relating to retracting financial gifts to me as part of her ongoing battle to oust my DH.

Does he have the money? (Hopefully yes as this is what you imply). Is there a legal contract on the loan? (I assume not as you’re not allowed to do this for a house purchase).

If you’ve already got the money I’d just ignore her tbh. She’s being a nasty drama queen. Setting up a Will isn’t a bad idea. I’d then put her as a potential beneficiary and leave with it an expression of wishes with details of where to find a spreadsheet with the outstanding balance on the loan (or print off a monthly balance). Make sure he includes in the expression of wishes that this is the only money he expects to give his mother and make you executor of the will.

I hope you’re not going to agree OP? This is horrendous of her. Although to cross your T’s and dot your Is, I’d make sure you’ve seen any communication her and your DP and do know for sure that’s he accurately representing the situation to you.

I would seek legal advice given she’s now changing the terms of the loan unilaterally and looking, as a PP said, to profit from the death of her child by making her return way more than her loan.

I'm so sorry. We completed on our flat on the 14th Dec. My half of the deposit was gifted to me by my parents. Your MIL will have had to sign documents saying its a gift etc, and it's all part of the legal process. It is entirely unreasonable for her to spring this on you two weeks before completion. If you pulled out, you lose so many fees. And a load of hard work wasted.

Has she pulled stunts before?

Could you forge a will?

@Sashkin this is an interesting way of looking at it- DP won't consider keeping the money and not doing as she wants as he feels it would be immoral but I see what you mean.

I do feel like the relationship between me and her is irrevocably damaged at this point- to insist on this to me is just unfathomable!

I really am grateful for all of your opinions and it is reassuring to hear them.

I can understand her point of view. And I think you should agree to it.

She lives a long way away. If he dies before repaying her she doubts she will be repaid by you. That is understandable and she lives far away and maybe you are not close emotionally?

So do as she has asked. Once he has repaid her in full, as soon as possible to protect yourself, change the will and change to joint tenants.

It just sounds as if she is nervous about him dying in the near future and her being left out of pocket.

Maybe a little irrational but I can empathise with her - she is wary of you not to repaying her this money upon her son's death.

Also DP doesn't want to damage his relationship irrevocably with her

I think that boat has sailed as soon as his mother started to make extra demands