DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

Also, the mother will probably refuse to accept the money back. There'll be some cold-shoulder sob story about how it was meant for them, she just wanted to help, etc.

OP. Well done for rejecting her ridiculous terms. I’m sorry this has happened, just get the money transferred back pronto and take a huge step back from it all.

I can’t add anything that anyone hasn’t already said other than to reiterate that this is all about control. Also brace yourselves that she isn’t done with her drama yet, because the one thing controls freaks cannot stand is being thwarted or worse still being called out on their BS. It’s called narcissistic rage. And it’s a sight to behold.

Not fun to be on the receiving end of for your DO though. Hugs .

I agree peekyboo - "change the will" odd the battle cry!

This is that damn cheque all over again.

In fact in this case the OP has literally cancelled the cheque*.

*the bank transfer

I don't understand why this isn't a reasonable outcome? Perhaps it ve misunderstood?

There was some shouting and she took some convincing but she will be left the amount she loaned in DP's will and the rest will be left to me.

After DP has paid everything back (we've calculated this should take about 12-18 months) we will change it to a joint tenancy.

From my reading of the OP's post, the MIL will get £2.5K in the event of her partner's death, and nothing further? Why is this so awful?

Bitoffun she wanted half of the flat

She is trying really hard to control his life. That must be shit for your DP.

You are joking, BitOfFun??
Read the thread.

Sorry you’re going thru this OP. I agree with PPs, sit back and see what happens. Let DP be the one to call her batshit. Let the scales fall for his eyes. I hope they do, but if they don’t, be very careful. I’m glad you’re mum is so good.

I hope it all goes well.

I think I've obviously misread since I posted a few days ago on what appeared to be a decision the OP was happy with. Ignore me- I shall properly update myself!

@BitOfFun
There's been narcissistic rage since then, with the mother ignoring everything that's been said.

Right, I definitely need to find my spot and re-read it then! Thank you.

The MIL has rejected the 'compromise' and is insistent that her small contribution to the deposit should entitle her to half the full value of the flat, and prefers that op and her oh buy othing than changeher mind. Unfortunately, the oh, despite already having the money, the forms having been signed by MIL stating that it is a gift and not a loan, is also determined not to upset VUR MIL so is happier returning the gift money and not proceeding with the purchase. OP will therefore buy a smaller place by herself.

She’s nuts

It might not be about control. She could just have an old fashioned notion about marriage and faaaaaaahmily. It’s a £400,000 property, half of which would be his/the bank’s. Assuming 80% LTV, that gives him £40k equity. She did the same with her DD until she got married - at which point her DSiL became faaaaaaaaaaaahmily.

Anyway. Bet that’s what the DP will say. Wouldn’t be surprised if a proposal is forthcoming...

It's the obvious way out of this, but I doubt that kfcinbed really wants to be shackled to this family, including a husband who can't stand up to his mother.

It's a loan. And she doesn't get to change t&c AFTER the fact.
Get a solicitor to write her a letter stating such.
She's not got a leg to stand on.

Legally it's a gift, not a loan, @Earthmover, the mortgage agreement says so.

Yes this is one of the problems here. The money was legally declared as a gift, and as a PP rightfully repeatedly pointed out, this constitutes fraud when it’s essentialky a loan.

Not read the entire thread (sorry, pushed for time!) and I understand that OP has decided, understandably, to withdraw and find a way of purchasing without MIL. Just wanted to add however that a life policy, if affordable, would be the course of action I would have put forward in my days as a mortgage adviser, during which I found these kind of family issues regarding deposits were frighteningly common. I would not be suggesting it for half the property value but for the amount of the Mils contribution plus RPI so that the real terms value of her "investment" is protected. Myself I would probably either withdraw, out of principle that I won't be controlled.
If I really couldn't walk away from the property given my love of it and the loss of time and money invested in the purchase, I'd take the life policy - full half property value if I had to. I'd then repay MIL ASAP, using credit or a further advance against the property when possible, again carefully checking the affordability of those options first. Under no circumstances would she be in the Will or placed as a second charge (which the mortgage company is unlikely to wear anyway).

Netcurtainrummager what you suggest is a very sensible solution - for a sane person. Unfortunately the MiL appears to be far from it, and refused anything other than her receiving 50% of property if her son were to die. In view of the fact that her 'gift' was for less than £10k, it was never going to happen.

Thanks all for your kind words and comments. It is much appreciated. @SilverySurfer this is definitely the most sensible and logical solution, which has been suggested to her - but nothing other than 50% was good enough!

Sorry, I've not read the full thread.
In your position I would jump through her hoops. Send her the evidence, then change the will. Most will writing services offer ongoing amendments. Then just pay her back ASAP!
You would also have to draw up a will leaving your share to dp.

Or you could just cancel the cheque

OMGafourth Before replying to a thread, check the number of posts. If it's more than just a few, it is worth checking for any updates, because things will almost certainly have moved on.