DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

Could you not just take out a small life insurance policy for the amount of the loan, cancelling it once the loan is payed back ? That could be put into the will.

Pull out of the deal.
You might lose a few k. House prices are not going up, you might find something better.
That is a red line to me. Refuse to be manipulated.

2.5%?
So even if you’re in London and FTB for £400K, you’re talking about £10K?

If you can’t afford to pull out and do this without her “gift” then you’re pushing yourselves too hard for this mortgage.

I would:

1. Increase your mortgage (it’s not always a great idea to go to the max) and give the money back
2. Tell her you can’t make legal changes to give back her money as that in itself isn’t legal as you and she would have fraudulently declared it as a gift, and so tell her you’ll pay her back ASAP after the purchase (and do it)
3. Pull out, start again on your own two feet

Op,
I wouldn’t be buying this flat tbh.
If anything happens to your dp, there is a risk that you will have to leave your home.
All this subterfuge regarding wills is just pointless in my opinion.
Your dp is so busy trying not to upset his mother, he is prepared to risk your future .

He could do as she said and send a copy of.his will. Then when you've moved In together, he can amend his will to list you instead of his mum.

If she's already given the money and legally declared it a gift I would carry on as you were. Just make sure something is drawn up to say she gets her investment back in the even he dies before it is fully repaid. Then make paying her back your top priority.

I'm not sure but you might find a change like that would invalidate your mortgage offer so do check that before you do anything else.

If it were me I would consider returning the money. It is not worth damaging your relationship with your DP.

A while ago ex MIL wanted me and (now) ex to purchase a bigger house so she could have her own room when she stayed.

I had the equity in our home from my first home. ExH brought nothing into the marriage but was put on the deeds when we married.

Ex MIL wanted to go on the deeds if we had bought a property, but this left me uneasy as she and ExH would control 2/3 of the ownership despite only putting in 1/4 of the money.

I said no to this for these reasons and ExH and I didn't procede any further. Ex MIL uses money to control people. It's not a nice trait in people. She has (and is) controlling in other ways, still regarding money - but that is a whole other thread.

no no no get it legal document drawn up as a loan ,Then she can get her money back if anything happens .

As PPs have already said, you would be very foolish indeed to proceed with this proposal. Nothing is worth ruining your life for like this, as once she gets her claws into your business she will never let go.
She is controlling and racist and that will never change so if you have children she will ramp up the nastiness. Your DP needs to lay the law done now because it will only get worse. The most important thing is, however, that you are the one who would be potentially homeless if anything happened to you partner.

Also agree , that it is all about control
My MIL ( now deceased) did a similar thing
When we purchased our first home, she offered to give us half the deposit. However, she made so many rules and stipulations and even suggested that as she was giving us half of the deposit, the house was also ‘technically ‘ hers too
We didn’t take her money

@Kfcinbed get him to get life insurance- this was a stipulation of our mortgage company anyway. Make her a beneficiary for the amount she lent him.

Problem solved. She'll still get the money she lent him.

You'll get your mortgage paid & keep the property.

It costs quite a bit to change between joint / common tenants.

But the fundamental question is with you and DP. Are you going to allow such interference with this decision? Don’t start out with the premise that the mother has to be pandered to. For the sake of your relationship, I’d pull out.

Agree with PP that you should get a term assurance for the value of loan. Put it in trust and make her a beneficiary.

Once you've paid back the loan cancel the term assurance.

She sounds utterly vile and massively controlling I'd be very wary in future of borrowing even a cup of sugar!

Has anyone put to her the possibility of having a second charge on the property? That way she would be fully protected.

All the nopes. This is utter madness. You need to protect your investment and your home.

Running around changing wills and making her a beneficiary off the back of a gift is illegal, messy and stressful. Don't do it.

Three legal options:

1. Return the money and take out a loan/use a credit card for the remaining shortfall.

1. Do as a previous poster suggested and go back to the seller and say you need to reduce your offer by 2.5%. In the current market they'll grumble but most likely accept. Make sure you change the ownership balance of the property to reflect you putting in more money that your DP

1. Pull out of the sale and tell your DP to save up like you did. Why didn't he originally save up his share of the deposit like you did? Is he worried about upsetting his unhinged mummy because he often has to rely on the Bank of Mum? If yes then run for the hills. Don't knowingly enter this setup with a man who is crap with his money. It won't get better.

Another one here saying to look closely at the relationship with your DP in regards to his with his mother. If he won't stave up for you to her now then it surely won't get any better.

I really wouldn’t do anything underhand OP. I can see why your DP would resist this.

He needs to remind her it was a loan, not an investment. Either she is willing to loan it on the original terms or you must pull out. What she is proposing gives her a permanent interest in your home. You really don’t want that.

If she had lent you 50% of the deposit, she would have more of a point. But for such a small % of the value of the property, and given that she won't be contributing to the mortgage repayments/upkeep/bills once you own it, she's taking the piss.

I assume you can get something drawn up by your lawyer to say you will take over the repayment of her loan in the event of your DP's death until it is paid off. However not sure how that works if she's legally declared it as a gift already? How your DP handles her with this would be a dealbreaker for me.

I also think your other half needs to grow a backbone where his mother is concerned. She sounds incredibly controlling - she's already causing issues in your relationship. Imagine what it would be like further down the line if you decided to marry and have children.

Oh God, OP, pull out of this house purchase.

In the unlikely event your DP dies do you think your MIL will be kind?
She doesn't like you, she doesn't like your relationship with her son. She will feel you made the last years with her boy difficult. Should she decide to be spiteful, which sounds likely, you are handing her the opportunity to force you to leave the home you shared with your partner at a significant financial loss, You'll be bereaved, homeless and with with half the money you need to set yourself up again, while she walks off, with your suffering and a fat bank balance to console her in her grief. If this seems like something she'd do, run away from this deal, there will be other flats.

That is financial abuse of you both, by his mother.

Do NOT agree.
It is a TERRIBLE deal for you

Tragedies happen, even to young people
If he dies, she would turf you out of your home

Even assuming he doesn't die early, she would probably try to prevent you selling if you had to, for new jobs etc. especially if you were the one who needed / wanted to move.

imo, 2 possibilities to make it fair

1. You say if he insists in writing this will, then you insist on the same day you will sign a will making your half over to your mum.
   That may concentrate his mind more on standing up to her, if HE stands to lose financially.

2. The obvious way to invalidate the will is to very quietly have a registry office marriage
   no friends invited, no FB etc, tell noone.

That "piece of paper" would ensure you inherit his estate automatically
BUT
consult a solicitor to check if this would still be the case if you marry before the will, or if you would have to trust him to marry you the day after

She's going to cost you money if you are writing a fake will then changing it …

I'd not accept the money. My PIL bought us a house and then we paid them back monthly. The only thing that upset me was it was only dh name on the agreement before we were married even though the money came out of our joint account. When we hadn't sold our house and wanted to move they bought us another house and then both our names were on the agreement between the three of us as we were married. I understood why they did it but it upset me a bit though I suppose as dh could afford to pay them back alone maybe they didn't see my money premarriage as real. After marriage it wasn't as I gave up work when pregnant.

I'm not sure I would agree with the poster who said it wont matter for your mortgage because the bank have a legal letter signed saying it's a gift rather than a loan. If they found out (ie by you trying to make a casual borrow a legal obligation) I think they would want to reconsider the affordibility of you to be able to service the mothly payments of the mortgage and the loan. Why do you think they dont allow you to use the profits of a legal, well regulated bank loan for a deposit? Theres also a signed letter agreeing it's a gift when it's actually a loan, which to the bank isn't much different to fudging salary numbers on company notepaper to look like you have a higher income than you do. I feel they would see it as fraudulent application as you have not disclosed an extra outgoing (the loan) and therefore they have offered you a loan on the basis or incorrect affordibility which puts them at a higher risk position which would normally warrant higher interest charges. I get that its seen as socially acceptable and I know a lot of people who do it but be very careful how you tread here. Especially with a MIL who now feels she has a financial stake in your home.

My 2 suggestions are because it sounds like he may give in to his abusive mother and that you would reluctantly accept it.

Personally I would tell him I'd pull out of this sale unless it stays joint tenants.

Just put a charge in the oand regustry for her 2.5% of the property