To think he needs to stay with me

[crispysausagerolls]

Expect to get a lot of comments like “If you’re so unwell why are you typing” but I am lying here in bed on my side with a cold flannel and a temp that was 41 but is now 39.7 after taking panadol. I just desperately need advice - we have a 6m old who has also had a fever (but is on the mend). I can’t really stand. My family are all down with the flu so can’t help. DH works very long hours and is the breadwinner but has returned to work yesterday and none of the big bosses are in the office as still off on holiday, and his day yesterday was very relaxed (went to the gym, did personal errands and calls, left at 6pm which is early for him).

He is saying he can’t stay home to look after me and DS. Usually I would say fair enough but given how unwell I am and his casual working environment this week, AIBU? I am worried about taking care of DS like this (and I know single mothers manage but they don’t have a choice IYSWIM)

He needs to take a days parental leave to look after his child. I remember having this argument with DH once. He now gets it.

No this is BS
Our office is the same right now. He should take a day off

You sound v unwell and your child is very small.

He needs to be at home

Does he have enough holiday left? He should want to stay home and look after you

I can see two POV to be fair. I can see you need help especially with a little one but is there a friend who can help you for today? Has DH avoided the lurgy so far? Perhaps ,he is conscious that if he has, he doesn't want to put himself at risk of getting it , which will affect his ability to earn .
Can he not ask to work from home?

You have flu. You can not work in looking after the baby. He will need to do it
He is being a selfish knob.

Can you not go into the office collect his computer and come home to work from home?

He at the very least should take a half day, or work from home. You’re not up to looking after yourself or the little one.

If you have flu YANBU. Your dh needs to take a couple of days especially with such a young child. You are in no fit state to watch and care for your child. He needs to step up.

My partner would want to help me.

He needs to take a days leave. Or two.

If he doesn’t help and comes down with it, dump the child in him when he’s at his worst and fuck off out to do Very Important Things.

He needs to take the day off. He must feel very important.

I’m not trying to be dramatic but I’m lying here close to tears - he is leaving home at 8.40and will try to leave office at 5ish. He won’t stay as I’m a SAHM so it’s my job. He has meetings today but Intermal ones not client etc. How am I going to
Make it through the day?! Tbf to him our internet is terrible so working from home tricky but I Am extremely upset at being left, mostly as DS is also unwell so needs extra care etc I can’t even feel if he’s hot as I am so hot.

Only friends who could help have babies so can’t ask them due to contagion

he should take the day off

hopefully he is sorting that right now....

wish you better asap

You can't stand, have a 6m old and he goes to the gym instead? So very very not U of you.

Tell him he needs to organise an emergency nurse / nanny.

He is leaving ? Fuck OP
I guess you need to get through today as best you can . But that’s poor poor behaviour

Bed , TV on , lots of water and tonight if you don’t feel an iota better you lay down the line

Feeling angry won’t help for today

Sorry 😐

cross post

what a horrible man

how can he justify this? so what if you are SAH, the point is, you are ill.

Have you tried telling him he must stay or organise someone to help? Tell him if he leaves he's putting your child in danger as you feel so unwell you can't look after him.

He won’t stay as I’m a SAHM so it’s my job.

^ this is bullshit btw. I was at home for 2.5years and my husband took time off on a couple of occasions when I didn't feel well.

Does he go to work with a 40 degree fever?! I bet he fucking doesn’t. So tell him to shut up with the SAHM crap and take he day off work. I’d be properly putting my foot down over this, and if he didn’t stay home to help I’d be reconsidering the relationship as he obviously doesn’t care for yours or your baby’s wellbeing.

It would be completely different if he was under serious pressure at work and had deadline etc, but given everything is relaxed this week he needs to take the day off.

He is simply saying no, i don’t even know how to
Argue about it. He is generally a womderfulhusband but has form for this eg I had severe d&v 3 months ago and he wouldn’t stay then either but luckily my mother came to help. He is acting like him staying
An extra hour this morning is amazingly helpful. DS will only sleep being held and won’t be put down when awake atm as poorly so v full on.

I really, really appreciate the support thank you

It would be completely different if he was under serious pressure at work and had deadline etc, but given everything is relaxed this week he needs to take the day off.

When I had d&v he had a deadline so I let it go

He won’t stay as I’m a SAHM so it’s my job.

So you need to take a day sick leave from your "job", as I'm sure he would from his job if he felt as unwell as you are!

I think that if you can't really stand then you are not safe to be looking after a 6m old!

I can see that he doesn't want to rearrange meetings, but if he has decided to work, what will he put in place to make it as easy as poss for Op & safe for his baby?

If being a SAHM means no sick leave, you need to get back to work. He can sort out the childcare - it will not be your own outgoing.