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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s a bit odd that friend doesn’t ever mention pregnancy?

186 replies

Howobvious · 02/01/2019 21:15

One of my closest friends never mentions my pregnancy/baby. I’m due next week and she has no idea (probably) unless she has a good memory from when I told her the DD at 12 weeks. Communication has dwindled a lot (used to speak daily by what’s app) but now she actively speaks about anything unrelated to babies when we do chat.

I really am not someone who is under the illusion that people are extremely interested so I don’t go on about it in the slightest but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit hurtful. My baby isnt that boring surely?! I know I will be too busy too give much thought when she arrives but it’s even at the stage where it will feel odd texting her to let her know he’s arrived, so I now plan to do it in a group WhatsApp chat that she’s a member of.

Anyone have any experience of this?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/01/2019 21:16

So you haven't mentioned it either, since you were 12 weeks pregnant?

Guineapiglet345 · 02/01/2019 21:20

Perhaps she’s had a loss or has been unable to get pregnant and doesn’t want to talk about it because it will upset her?

Didntwanttochangemyname · 02/01/2019 21:21

Could she be struggling with ttc or perhaps wishing she was in a position to ttc?

TinselandToblerones · 02/01/2019 21:22

I’d imagine she’s having her own struggles rather than is actively trying to be disinterested

Original poster
Howobvious · 02/01/2019 21:22

I’ve mentioned bits and bobs but it never goes very far. She’ll acknowledge but has never once asked a question apart from when I initially told her.

She is currently single so I am conscious that it may be difficult for her.

OP posts:
Laiste · 02/01/2019 21:22

as above.

Has she got DCs of her own? Has she been TTC?

MaisyPops · 02/01/2019 21:23

My gut instinct is there could be more going on for her than you know like ttc, miscarriages or infertility issues.

It's also odd that for it not to have come up in conversation since 12 weeks you haven't mentioned it. If I asked how a pregnant friend was doing or what shed been up to and she didn't mention pregnancy then I would follow her lead.

Laiste · 02/01/2019 21:23

Well - it's either that she's spectacularly disinterested, or that she's upset by it.

PotteringAlong · 02/01/2019 21:23

My baby isnt that boring surely?!

Honestly? Yes, it probably is.

Laiste · 02/01/2019 21:27

How old are you both?

Is she single as in happy, successful 'not interested in a relationship or a family for ages yet' single, or 'single and fretting about it' single?

Original poster
Howobvious · 02/01/2019 21:28

We’re both 30.

OP posts:
FuckingYuleLog · 02/01/2019 21:31

It’s also a bit odd that you haven’t mentioned it tbh. If a friend of mine told me they were pg at 12 weeks then said nothing after a while I’d be wary of mentioning it and wondering if everything was ok.

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 02/01/2019 21:32

Sounds like she is worrying about her future and when/if she'll meet someone to have children with. Can you talk to her?

Worsethingshappen · 02/01/2019 21:33

But OP has mentioned it, but the conversation doesn’t go very far.

slashlover · 02/01/2019 21:33

What do you want her to ask? There's not much to talk about until it's born.

FuckingYuleLog · 02/01/2019 21:34

Sorry I missed that update. Either she’s experience a loss or been ttc for a while or just isn’t interested in baby chat then.

MaisyPops · 02/01/2019 21:34

Cross posted with the OP's update.
I'd imagine that friend cares about you but isn't interested in baby chatter.

With my pregnant friends we've not spent ages chatting pregnancy ailments and baby stuff. It tends to be how're you getting on and then they refer to baby at relevant moments in conversation.

Original poster
Howobvious · 02/01/2019 21:35

It’s not that I want her to ask a load of inane questions, it just feels a bit strange to be at this point in life and for it to feel like an awful unmentionable thing that isn’t discussed.

OP posts:
Laiste · 02/01/2019 21:35

I have a family member who is now in her late 60s who is a very well traveled and well off spinster and who's idea of the seventh circle of hell is getting married and/or having kids.

She's a lovely person and loves her family and friends, but wouldn't want to know about how anyone's gestation was going AT ALL. (unless they were hospitalised)

She'll manage only a very vague polite interest in a baby, (would send a bunch of flowers at the birth), but wont actually properly start talking to them or about them with any interest until they get to the age of about 6 when she can start to fill their heads with wonderful stories of traveling the wide world :)

Maybe your DF is just a bit like this?

Dimsumlosesum · 02/01/2019 21:36

When I lost my first, I couldn't even look at apregnantwoman. It was horrific and traumatic. She may be going though a loss.or struggling to conceive.you just don't know

FuckingYuleLog · 02/01/2019 21:36

Or more likely if she’s single she wants a baby and feels time is running out?

Carmana · 02/01/2019 21:37

When I lost my first, I couldn't even look at apregnantwoman. It was horrific and traumatic. She may be going though a loss.or struggling to conceive.you just don't know

This.

Sorry for your loss @Dimsumlosesum

I was exactly the same.

mummmy2017 · 02/01/2019 21:37

Apart from congratulations when you tell her at 12 weeks, yes you expecting is boring to everyone else, we don't need or want to know about it.

SalmonLeBon · 02/01/2019 21:39

I was never interested in or able to hold a conversation about other women's pregnancies before having my own. Now, I have sort of learned what you are expected to say and ask. Still not interested, but I can make a good pretence if I have to, but will still usually avoid the topic if I can.

Original poster
Howobvious · 02/01/2019 21:41

Maybe Laiste. I have noticed actually that our conversation is mainly about her actually. It’s taken this for me to really notice, oddly. Funnily enough, she travels a reasonable amount (not to the extent of your aunt) and we’ll actually, that’s dull to hear about to some extent. I was interested to hear about her recent to Canada but it struck me as funny that her tales of eating in Canadaian restaurants, seeing wildlife etc are somehow socially more interesting than the human I’ll be having shortly. Why is someone ‘travelling’ held up as the most interesting thing a person can do? I say this as someone who’s quite well travelled.

OP posts:
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