To think it’s a bit odd that friend doesn’t ever mention pregnancy?

[Howobvious]

One of my closest friends never mentions my pregnancy/baby. I’m due next week and she has no idea (probably) unless she has a good memory from when I told her the DD at 12 weeks. Communication has dwindled a lot (used to speak daily by what’s app) but now she actively speaks about anything unrelated to babies when we do chat.

I really am not someone who is under the illusion that people are extremely interested so I don’t go on about it in the slightest but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit hurtful. My baby isnt that boring surely?! I know I will be too busy too give much thought when she arrives but it’s even at the stage where it will feel odd texting her to let her know he’s arrived, so I now plan to do it in a group WhatsApp chat that she’s a member of.

Anyone have any experience of this?

Wolfie, we’ll i did share with a few people because I don’t give a shit if they like it or not.

OnlyFools - so interesting you say that. My Mum died when I was 13 and my Dad died when I was 25. She’s enormously close to her parents and talks about thelot. I’ve felt the immense gaping hole of not having a mother all my life and I’m happy share this with people because I still function and also have a fulfilling career. It wouldn’t occur to me to find a conversation about her parents dull simply because I absolutely cannot relate to a life where I have a mother who takes me on lots of fab little trips etc etc. I’m always happy to hear about them even if it is tinged with some sadness.

Thanks for your comments though. I suppose I just wondered if anyone had experience and could offer words of guidance. I don’t want to lose her as a friend but I can’t pretend this isn’t something I’m happy about.

I’d probably make a bit of a joke about it. Drop casually that you’ll be offline soon, due to The Bump That Must Not Be Mentioned (like Voldemort). Make it an acronym (TMNBM) and start including it in texts. See if that encourages her to start acting like a friend, or at least be honest about the embargo on talking about you, your body, your baby.

It’s not your responsibility to read her mind about what baby-related sensitivities or preduidices she may have. Congrats on building a human, by the way! It’s a very special time, and you’re allowed to want to talk about it.

*dont give a shit if they like it or not - the name I mean. Which was actually my mums name and it’s beautiful and unlike the names popular in her generation (she’d be 56 now).

My baby isnt that boring surely?

If it's done anything particularly interesting lately, perhaps you could mention that to your friend?

She might be thinking it's weird that you don't talk about it and is taking her lead from you.

I would be this friend I'm afraid. I've got no interest in other people's pregnancies and I remember when I was pregnant that's all people would talk about.
I'd probably ask how you were, but then talk about stuff we used to talk about like work or travelling.

That's not making a joke skittles. It would be being passive aggressive.

Most people ask how their friends are doing and people can share (be it babies / relationships / travel / whatever).

As many people have said, there could be any number of reasons why the friend isn't wanting loads of baby chat and isn't initiating baby chat topics.

Don’t give a shit?
Nice.
I’m sorry for your loss but it sounds like your friend’s world is moving away from yours. You’re focussed on the pregnancy and she’s focussed on work and travel. This will end the friendship if you let it.
Might be best.

is she dealing with the realisation that she would lose the friendship that she knows? or is she dealing with a trauma of her own?

has she had a hysterectomy possibly?

So you told her at 12 weeks and you're due next week, have you seen her in person during that time?

I shared the name of our baby because I’m not going to be influenced by negative feedback on the name. Sincere apologies, didn’t realise it was such an offensive way to articulate my absolute nonchalance on people’s opinions of my baby’s name. After all, who gives a shit about my baby?

One of my very close friends was the same.
Same age as me and has truly never wanted kids. I've only seen her once in the last 4 months and I don't think I will again. I'm just not her kind of person anymore

Hmm this has gone weird

Wtf is wrong with people?! Of COURSE said friend should at least feign interest in the pregnancy, like OP feigns interest in aspects of her life. That’s friendship ffs. A pregnancy is a big deal.

I had a close friend that acted uninterested about my pregnancy. Towards the end she had completely distanced herself. I kept wondering if she actually fully understood that I was having a baby?! When the baby was born I heard absolutley nothing (not even a congrats on fb) for months. She rang three months later crying because she had been trying for a baby for a long time and it never happened for her. Give your friend the benefit of the doubt.

OP we shared our baby’s name with anyone who would listen from the 20 week scan in and we didn’t get a single negative comment because most people aren’t that rude! It wouldn’t have bothered me if anyone hadn’t liked it anyway, we did and that’s all that matters

Gosh, so surprised at the “it’s not interesting” comments. It is a life changing thing for OP; it’s unusual that NOTHING baby related comes up - childbirth expectations, names, the future beyond babyhood. Not even a “How are you and the baby doing?” I actually think it’s really rude to leave it out so much of the conversation.

However OP, I’m starting to think it’s fairly normal for this to happen. I had 2 close female friends the same age as me, 1 who when I was pregnant would ask me every day about the baby and talk to me loads, as well as plenty of other topics of conversation. The other, we had a lot of other issues really but the catalyst seemed to be my second pregnancy - she stopped talking to be 2 days before my birthday which was about 5 weeks before my due date. Have never spoken since and DS is 14 months now. And it’s definitely not to do with jealousy/grief in that case because we are only early/mid twenties, plus she was single and pretty anti getting pregnant. Some people just react strangely.

I don’t think it’s that - I’ve seen her 4 times since I told everyone at 12 weeks. One of those occasions was at a party at which lots of our other friends were present.

Actually the only thing she has said which bears any relevance to my situation is saying at aforementioned party- “urgh hope you don’t turn into one of those parents” in relation to another friend who does admittedly post a lot about her son on Instagram etc but each to their own.

I am on your side here OP. Her behaviour is weird and not what a friend should do, she isn't really being a friend. I talk to my friends about lots of things going on in their lives even if I am not interested, but because they are and they are my friends.

I am also childless, do not want children, have no particular interest in being around them, however have been supportive of all of my friends pregnancies, attended baby showers, visited etc.

Basically, I think reevaluate what you get from this 'friendship'

Perhaps she wants to be with a long term partner and have a baby, so finds it difficult to make conversation about her pregnancy?

Hmmm, I'm pretty interested in birth, mainly because things can go horribly wrong (as in dead cousin) and I'd like to know how my loved ones are doing (still alive and able to walk makes me happy) and I like to meet a new baby but pregnancy???? What is there to ask? I don't think I've ever asked how someones pregnancy was going. I'm not interested either. It's not the dangerous bit, is it?

I do realise that a lot of people just expect to end up with a living mother and baby so they might be more concerned about morning sickness or other relatively mild complaints but I just can't be that fussed about it. I'm actually pregnant (high risk as well) at the moment with morning sickness and I still don't give a fuck even about my own uncomfortable stuff.

OP - please ignore the mean posters. Their comments tell us more about their own discontentment than you or your friends.
It’s really sad that your friend is not addressing this major life changing event in your life. There must be a reason. I wonder if you think you could gently bring it up with her, but in as non confrontational way as possible. Don’t mske it about the baby so much but more about the dramatic change that’s happening in your life that you would like to be able to share with her if possible. Do you think she might open up?
You will have to judge if it’s worth the risk of bringing it up. If things don’t improve your previous friendships future is in jeopardy anyway.
I really hope you can sort this out. Obviously both of you aware hurting in some way.

...meant to say “precious friendship” not “previous”

No I understand it.

If something huge and life changing was happening to you, you'd expect your friends to ask about it.

For example if you were moving house, you'd expect your friend to ask about it. It's a huge thing, that's stressful and new and a bit scary. You'd expect it even if your friend had fuck all interest in moving house herself.

Basically you expect your friends to be interested in your big life events even if they're not that interesting to them,simply because it's changing your life. And they're supposed to love you and be interested in your life. Or what's the point of the friendship at all?

I understand how you feel. But some people are just not interested in babies. She might be unsure what questions to ask you/what to talk about regarding your baby. Or she might have suffered a miscarriage or be longing for a baby herself. Don't be too hard on her OP.