To think it’s a bit odd that friend doesn’t ever mention pregnancy?

[Howobvious]

One of my closest friends never mentions my pregnancy/baby. I’m due next week and she has no idea (probably) unless she has a good memory from when I told her the DD at 12 weeks. Communication has dwindled a lot (used to speak daily by what’s app) but now she actively speaks about anything unrelated to babies when we do chat.

I really am not someone who is under the illusion that people are extremely interested so I don’t go on about it in the slightest but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit hurtful. My baby isnt that boring surely?! I know I will be too busy too give much thought when she arrives but it’s even at the stage where it will feel odd texting her to let her know he’s arrived, so I now plan to do it in a group WhatsApp chat that she’s a member of.

Anyone have any experience of this?

Your perception of which of you is the more self-centred and boring is just that, by the way, your PERCEPTION and is going to be different from hers.

Can I ask if you have been posting pictures of yourself and bump etc on group chats?

I have zero interest in friends' pregnancies or babies. I have tried to be a good friend before and pretend by asking questions. Unfortunately, I've found this is like opening the floodgates of baby talk. What could have been a five second answer turns into an entire evening of complex details where I'm expect to oh and ah at intervals even though they know I'm not interested.

To you it is the most important thing in the world (as any woman's pregnancy is to them) but other people have their own worries and sadness to deal with.
There are likely to be things she hasn't told you about and doesn't want to upset you while you are expecting a baby.
So many women suffer pregnancy losses and don't talk about it.
I know after my loss, I avoided pregnant women like the plague.
It may just be that she is currently single and longing for a baby of her own and probably wondering if/ when it is ever going to happen for her.
What ever the reason, don't take it personally as there is bound to be something going on for her.

'I have zero interest in friends' pregnancies or babies'

I'm not that interested in friends kids school accomplishments or their dp promotion, but don't you see if they are good friends then what's happening in their lives is of importance to them?

If we are good friends we show an interest no matter how much you'd rather be talking about yourself.

The OP has zero interest in her friends job but asks about it and listens politely to her banging on about it.

Isn't this a normal social dynamic?

If we are good friends we show an interest no matter how much you'd rather be talking about yourself well quite... which is why that poster was pissed off that her friends were going into complex details about their pregnancies and babies.

Talking about your pregnancy/baby is talking about yourself.

I suspect that the OP talks more about her pregnancy than she is admitting to. Been there - very boring and self-obsessed.

I suspect that the OP talks more about her pregnancy than she is admitting to. Been there - very boring and self-obsessed

Because she mentioned “finishing the nursery”?!

What a shit bitter comment.

Whilst we do not know the circs of the other person, she could also just be a rude dick, resentful of her mate’s news as it could negatively impact on her.

Thanks everyone.

Nope, Tonsilss, I don’t. I actually haven’t posted any photos on social media either which allude to pregnancy either. My husband posted one on his but it was a pic of the two of us rather than a ‘bump’ shot per se.

Nor have I posted any pics on any what’sapp group chats.

I am actively avoiding over sharing on social media because another close friend has been very open about her infertility.

I’m actually pretty self aware. Far from perfect (as we all are) but being self obsessed is not one of my weaknesses.

It's not your friends fault. She can't relate to your situation are you really only friends with people who'se lives mirror yours? One of my friends is in her 60's, never married or had kids. I'm 30's, married with a child. Her life centres around her dog. I don't have pets. She worked in academia, I work in public services. Sheost both her parents recently, mine are both alive. Neither one of us could really relate to each others life if we didn't talk, share experiences, care about each others feelings. Ask how we're doing.

Loss notwithstanding it is odd that at least it doesn't go like
"what have you been up to?
" oh we finished the nursery yesterday"
"oh that's nice, you must be glad it's finished / oh I hope he did all the heavy work / oh sweet, have you picked a theme?
" yeah, I just sat in the rocker and watched, we've de prayed it in rave colours as that's how DH and I met.
"ah cool. I went skiing in the ahimalayas this weekend and met Chris Hemsworth"
"oh wow, how exciting"

As opposed to
"what have you been up to?
" oh we finished the nursery yesterday"
"I went skiing in the Himalayas and met Chris Hemsworth. Anyway did I tel lyou about what happened at work the other day?"

SleepStandingUp - the conversations we have these days are more like your last paragraph

To be fair, skiing in the Himalayas is WAY more exciting than painting a nursery.

Maybe she'll be more interested once you actually have a baby rather than just being pregnant. If not, just get on with it and let her get on with her stuff. If you've only met up 4 times between 12 and 39 weeks, then it's not really going to impact you too much - the friendship will come back later if it's a proper friendship and if not, well that's quite normal at 30.

Like a wedding, babies are only really interesting to the woman and immediate family!

I can see both sides to this! I have never wanted kids and have zero interest in pregnancies or babies. I have many friends who have been pregnant and given birth and I always feel stupid because I don't know what to ask them and don't want to sound like I'm asking inane questions.
However I still do try so I can be a good friend and show interest and ask these questions as I know it's important to them.
However, I wouldn't be be surprised if my friends thought about me, the same as you do about your friend (despite me trying)

On the flip side, I've travelled a lot this year and NEVER get asked any questions or comments on my Facebook photos even though I comment on their kiddy ones.

Doesn't bother me though, we are all different people and love each other as friends and it people just aren't interested in certain aspects of your life, they just aren't.

You do sound like one of those people who behave like they're the only one to have a baby and it's the most important thing in the world, so if this is coming across then I wouldn't be surprised.

If she's such a good friend can't you tell her you've found it hurtful she shows no interest?

It's really off not to at least ask how you and your bump are doing. That's just polite, even if you're interested in pregnancy/babies.

As mentioned, she may be TTC and therefore it's great that you're being sensitive to her.

However, you say that she dominates conversation and talks about herself alot, so don't allow this to continue. Even if you avoid talking about the baby, you should feel free to have your equal part of the conversation, whether that's work, family, DH, or anything else.

When was the last you saw her and who usually suggest meeting up?

@stopwining

*You do sound like one of those people who behave like they're the only one to have a baby and it's the most important thing in the world, so if this is coming across then I wouldn't be surprised.%

Er, no she doesn't. Are you reading the same thread? Care to give any examples from OP's posts?

@Dimsumlosesum

When I lost my first, I couldn't even look at apregnantwoman. It was horrific and traumatic. She may be going though a loss.or struggling to conceive.you just don't know
^^ this I was fine with babies but for some reason obviously pregnant women made me feel really upset.

@Consolidateyourloins
I wasn't trying to sound difficult!

I can't scroll through it all again but the comment along the lines of 'nothing is more amazing than a woman able to produce a child' brought me to that opinion

Discussing her with a mutual and less close friend, announcing name in advance, wondering why it's "fashionable" not to talk about the "human I am about to produce"...

Not saying the OP definitely is being a PITA - no one knows as we only have her perspective.

I have a couple of gay friends who have no interest in having children and said to me "sigh... each time a girlfriend has a baby you lose a friend"... maybe it's a simple as that.

Who knows what’s going on, no one here can know. Maybe try talking to her about it? She could be struggling with infertility, past losses, past terminations, the fear she’ll never meet anyone. She might not find your pregnancy interesting, what do you want her to say? She might have no idea hat to say? She might be bored of constant baby talk ( you might be talking about it way more than you realise). She could be worried about how the baby will alter your friendship.

At the end of the day though you’ll need to talk to her. But you seem v critical of her, has the friendship run it’s course

It doesn't matter what people define as 'interesting'. It's about being a good friend and being interested in what's important to your friend. It must work both ways.

For what it's worth, having a baby is pretty huge and life/changing! It's not like the OP is talking about an in-grown tail!

My MIL was like this. Her first child was stillborn and she suffered multiple late miscarriages. She couldn't engage emotionally with my pregnancies because she's never really stopped grieving and needed to protect herself. I suspect your friend is trying to do the same.