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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is unfair on the father.....

188 replies

Hops614 · 02/01/2019 13:47

I am just curious to find out what others think....

A very close family member of mine had a child when he was in his early 20s (around 10 years ago). The father lived with the mother and child for the first year then moved back to his hometown after the breakdown of the relationship which is 130 miles from the mother and child. Since then only the father has driven the 130 miles (each way) at least once a month to visit the child or to bring her back to his hometown for a visit then will drive her back. No matter how many times the father has begged the mother simply refuses to drive even half or even quarter of the way. Instead he is continuously doing the 260 mile round trip, at least once a month. Aibu to think the mother should be meeting the father at a services half way? Sometimes he drives for 5 hours a day just to see her for a few hours. The mother gets very angry when he approaches the subject of her possibly driving half way. What is the general opinion on this?

OP posts:
Namestheyareachangin · 02/01/2019 13:48

He chose to move to the other end of the country from his kid when she was a year old. YABU.

Why doesn't he move closer?

Pachyderm1 · 02/01/2019 13:49

I think that since he’s the one who chose to move away, he has to be responsible for the travel. I know it’s hard because he obviously moved back to be close to other family, but it was still his choice not to live in the same city as his child.

MrsDannyRicc · 02/01/2019 13:49

He moved away, he needs to do the travelling.

It would be nice of her to offer, but the onus is on him.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 02/01/2019 13:49

He moved 130 miles away. I wouldn't be driving that if I hadn't moved.

JacquesHammer · 02/01/2019 13:49

YABU. He chose to move 130 miles away.

miltonroad · 02/01/2019 13:49

He moved therefore he should do all the travelling

StatisticallyChallenged · 02/01/2019 13:49

He chose to move miles away from his child, so I think he should suck it up.

BornInAThunderstorm · 02/01/2019 13:50

He moved, he travels.

TheBigBangRocks · 02/01/2019 13:50

Whoever moved does the driving. Quite why you'd want to move that far away from your own child is beyond me though.

Stormwhale · 02/01/2019 13:50

He chose to move so he should do the travelling. If it's a problem then he needs to move closer to his child.

Cuntcuntcunt · 02/01/2019 13:50

He moved.

Purpleartichoke · 02/01/2019 13:50

The father has chosen to live 130 miles from his child. He should move closer. When you have a child you have to make sacrifices and geographic proximity is one of them.

MissMalice · 02/01/2019 13:51

He should do the travelling. Why is he only getting a few hours or one weekend a month? 130 miles isn’t too far for EOW and half holidays.

CarolDanvers · 02/01/2019 13:51

Once a month? Big deal! She’s parenting the rest of the time presumably? He moved, he drives. Why doesn’t he have his child more? He needs to get legal advice if his child’s mother is making that difficult.

MoreCheeseDear · 02/01/2019 13:51

He moved, he travels. That's how it works.

redshoes2017 · 02/01/2019 13:52

He chose to move so far away, he should move closer if the travelling is an issue? You word it as though he deserves a medal for the effort he goes too to see her ?! It's once a month 🙄 What a cheek expecting the mum to meet him half way!

twattymctwatterson · 02/01/2019 13:52

He moved away and chooses to see his child once per month. I wouldn't be feeling too sorry for him

Consolidateyourloins · 02/01/2019 13:52

I'm sorry, but he chose to move away. And 130 miles is not that much.
Why is he making that journey just to see DC for a few hours? Could he afford to stay in a hotel and spend the night and so see the DC two days.

It's once a month, not once a week, so doable.

Bear in mind that the mum has responsibility and care of the child for 29 or 30 days each month. She has the child 352 days per year, your relative has them for 12 days.

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 02/01/2019 13:52

Putting himself out once a month to do a bit of parenting is hardly a hardship. Why should the mother so more than she is already when he chose to move?

OutPinked · 02/01/2019 13:53

He chose to move so far away so it’s on him to do the travelling.

Thingsdogetbetter · 02/01/2019 13:53

At least once a MONTH. Wow. Not exactly a lot is it. And he's whinging. He moved. He drives. People have been known to commute that to work. Everyday!

Chamomileteaplease · 02/01/2019 13:53

Exactly - the mother is parenting for 28 days out of 30! If the dad moves away and wow, looks after the child for two days a month, he has to do the travelling.

smudgedlipstick · 02/01/2019 13:53

She parents 24/7 all month and he is moaning about having to do a long drive once a month to see his kid for just a few days before letting her parent then again for the next month? Yabu.

abbsisspartacus · 02/01/2019 13:54

^what they said

Are you the new girlfriend?

Owwlie · 02/01/2019 13:55

He chose to move 130 miles away, he travels. He could have moved halfway in between the two. He still could if he wanted to be able to spend more time with his daughter.