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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel our holiday

237 replies

Barnumshumbug · 02/01/2019 12:36

I've name changed for this. I have a 13yr old DS who refuses to go on holidays. He doesn't like travelling at all. There's no real reason behind this. He's NT with no issues.

We have two other children both older. for the last four years we haven't had a holiday as DS refuses to go on one. We were tentatively talking about going abroad this year, as it's not really fair on the other two. They were so excited, however predictably DS had such hysterics, we've booked a hol in the UK. Since we booked, just after Christmas, DS has moaned and sulked every day and it's not until July.

I'm so at the end of my tether with it. I'm trying to understand DS and talk with him, but his only answer is he doesn't like being sat in cars for a long time. I'm also trying to balance out the needs of my other children. I'm actually getting to the stage where I'm thinking of sending DH with the older ones and I'll stay at home with DS. Or

I know in the scheme of things, this isn't a huge problem, but I've been sat in tears this morning feeling so frustrated that he's sulking again.

Can anyone suggest what they would do ?

OP posts:
altiara · 02/01/2019 12:39

Any grandparents you can leave him with?
Is there anything he does like - beach, surfing, mountains, trekking, cycling, sailing, monuments, skiing, rollercoasters, animals... anything that you can base a holiday around?
It’s definitely unfair on the others as well you you/DH.

HighwayDragon1 · 02/01/2019 12:39

Let me get this right, your 13 year old son had a tantrum so you didn't book a holiday despite your other children desperately wanting it. Is he always favoured over them?

TulipsInbloom1 · 02/01/2019 12:40

I would leave him with grandparents or aunt/uncle if thats a viable option.

altiara · 02/01/2019 12:41

Eurostar to Paris - see Paris, disney, then train/flight to somewhere else - eurocamp in France or another city/country nearby - Amsterdam?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 02/01/2019 12:42

He shouldn’t be able to dictate to the family like this, though I really have no idea how you would make him go if he didn’t want to. One of you could at least take the other DC away. It’s unfair that they are missing out.

Neverunderfed · 02/01/2019 12:42

Fucks sake

He has to suck this up or stay behind with a friend or relative.

Shoxfordian · 02/01/2019 12:42

Or its sad for him, first world problems and you make him go anyway

YouTheCat · 02/01/2019 12:42

Is it because he doesn't want to be without his playstation/games?

MumW · 02/01/2019 12:42

He's 13 unless he has a genuine fear of flying or somesuch then he should be made to suck it up and be made to forced to go away. You are showing him that sulking and tatrums get him his own way.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/01/2019 12:42

Is he scared of flying? Is there any family he could stay behind with?

Newnameagain4 · 02/01/2019 12:43

He obviously has some phobia he's not admitting to

theredjellybean · 02/01/2019 12:45

Good grief... Your whole family is held hostage for last four years because one child now aged 13 doesn't like holidays.
Bloody hell who is the adult here?
My dd2 was like this around the same age as your ds, we ignored her moans and tears and threats she wasn't coming with us.
I used to say "OK don't come then, but rest of us need and want a holiday, you an stay with grandma"
Funnily enough she always came, moaned about car journeys, airport, planes etc... Got on holiday and had a ball.
OP really time to get a grip.
Offer choice.. Come on family holiday or stay with grandparents... Or other alternatives, then book holiday you want and don't mention it again. And certainly don't listen to his whinging

ladymariner · 02/01/2019 12:45

Can't believe he gets to dictate like this...how do you think your other two (remember them in all this?) feel? He goes, end of!

ErickBroch · 02/01/2019 12:45

Not wanting to be without internet/his game consoles? If not, he could have anxiety issues that are being overlooked and should be worked on.

TBH I think if it's not an anxiety problem you should go on holiday and leave him with a family member if they will look after him.

EdinaMonsoon · 02/01/2019 12:46

Basically you are allowing 13yo DS to dictate how the rest of the family have a holiday. That’s insane OP. Eldest DS has ASC & I still wouldn’t be dictated to by his needs alone.

Book the holiday that the majority truly agree on (& not just because they feel pressured into it for a quiet life by a tantrumming child).

Consolidateyourloins · 02/01/2019 12:46

Also wondering if there are any GPs or aunts and uncles he could stay with.

Assuming this isn't phobia related and just a tantrum then don't reward him by staying with him.

He's called the shots for 4 years, show him that you mean business and go without him. He's 13, not 3!

NaturalBornWoman · 02/01/2019 12:46

There's no real reason behind this. He's NT with no issues.

He's 13 and has 'such hysterics' that the rest of the family submit to him and don't do a perfectly normal thing. I would say he definitely does have 'issues' of some description and urge you to address them.

Oysterbabe · 02/01/2019 12:47

It's tough shit isn't it? He goes unless there's someone he can stay with.

Bluelady · 02/01/2019 12:50

Leave him behind with grandparents if that's possible. Why should four of you do without a holiday because he has tantrums?

minionsrule · 02/01/2019 12:51

I have a 13 yr old ds who has got more like this over the last 12 months..... he used to hate missing out on the local sports camp (he's too old for that now tho) and yes i think some is to do with no x box! We do however try to book somewhere where there is something for everyone rather than just stuff we will like.
Really though unless there is some deep rooted fear in him then he really should not be allowed to call the shots on this.
For the record my ds mostly enjoys hols once he gets there, and he likes investigating what there is locally to do (sometimes moaning it looks boring Hmm).
Do not let him get away with this or else it sends the wrong message to everyone. I wouldn't even relent and let him stay with a relative tbh

Blueemeraldagain · 02/01/2019 12:52

I would go, leave him behind but make sure he knew I was taking the cables/controller of any games console with me.

pinkhorse · 02/01/2019 12:54

Definitely leave him with grandparents/ aunt etc. No need for the rest of you to suffer.

mummyhaschangedhername · 02/01/2019 12:54

I have children with disabilities who don't like holidays particularly, or Christmas or anything out of routine. We still go on holidays, celebrate christmas etc ... we obviously try and limit the things that make it difficult for them but I am a firm believer that grown cones from discomfort and we all need to step out go out comfort zones. You know what? Things get easier the more they do it. Plus they do enjoy it or at least aspects of the holidays.

Go on holiday.

shpoot · 02/01/2019 12:55

Cancel and book the abroad holiday. Tell him tough shit, it's happening

Doyoumind · 02/01/2019 12:55

How did you even let this start with a 9 year old dictating what the whole family can and can't do? Something is going on here and pandering to it for 4 years has not been beneficial to anyone.

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