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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel our holiday

237 replies

Barnumshumbug · 02/01/2019 12:36

I've name changed for this. I have a 13yr old DS who refuses to go on holidays. He doesn't like travelling at all. There's no real reason behind this. He's NT with no issues.

We have two other children both older. for the last four years we haven't had a holiday as DS refuses to go on one. We were tentatively talking about going abroad this year, as it's not really fair on the other two. They were so excited, however predictably DS had such hysterics, we've booked a hol in the UK. Since we booked, just after Christmas, DS has moaned and sulked every day and it's not until July.

I'm so at the end of my tether with it. I'm trying to understand DS and talk with him, but his only answer is he doesn't like being sat in cars for a long time. I'm also trying to balance out the needs of my other children. I'm actually getting to the stage where I'm thinking of sending DH with the older ones and I'll stay at home with DS. Or

I know in the scheme of things, this isn't a huge problem, but I've been sat in tears this morning feeling so frustrated that he's sulking again.

Can anyone suggest what they would do ?

OP posts:
AmIthatbloodycold · 03/01/2019 19:45

Is he normally well behaved, or does he strop regularly?

KarmaStar · 03/01/2019 19:50

This is just a wind up thread,don't waste your time mumsnettersFlowers

Catsinthecupboard · 03/01/2019 19:53

My children are young adults now. At your son's age, things are not always as they seem. When things get this screwy, i would look for a way to understand him and his reasons for not going.

It sounds more emotional than power hungry.

My dd was in a car accident and is afraid of driving.

Best wishes.

Zucker · 03/01/2019 19:55

Jesus christ and we wonder where the husbands that sulk for days/weeks on end when they don't get their way come from.

MrsKoala · 03/01/2019 20:00

I'm quite sympathetic OP. Lots of adults I know hate holidays. Some people really just don't like them.

Our ds2 (who is only 4) is our holiday hater/ruiner. He just moans and screams wherever we go. He sees no joy in anything - swimming, skiing, camping, walking, eating out, museums, nothing. He asks to go home constantly and we find it really draining. While we still go on holiday, I think it's a waste of a lot of money if its ruined by someone moaning and crying all the time. We hope he grows out of it but sadly I suspect this is just his miserable personality!

I'm also surprised at how many posters are suggesting leaving him with other people. 1) do people really have people they can just leave their kids with for weeks? and 2) would you really inflict a moany sod on them?

getback · 03/01/2019 20:03

@Barnumshumbug I've been in exactly your situation, pm me if you want. Forced my then 13-yr old to come, ended up with our family of six being kicked off a ferry just before leaving! Not good. Painful as it was we then holidayed without my eldest the next two years, for the sake of the other two.

Sonneedshelp · 03/01/2019 20:04

@Barnumshumbug have you gone on holiday since starting this thread!?

MummyofTw0 · 03/01/2019 20:09

If he’s going to whinge and whinge I would take away a pleasure of his (Xbox)

InkyAndBinky · 03/01/2019 20:10

.

BentNeckLady · 03/01/2019 20:11

Don’t you just say “buck up your ideas or I’ll take your phone/iPad/PlayStation away until you can stop being a self centred little shit” like every other decent parent in the world?

DontCallMeCharlotte · 03/01/2019 20:13

Sonneedshelp

Grin
Rose87777 · 03/01/2019 20:18

Sorry to sound harsh but unless he truly does have a psychological issue it would be a “suck it up buttercup” from me.

I know this won’t really resonate with a 13 year old but when you think of some of the horrendous refugee crisis that have happened recently you have to gain some perspective here!

chrismse · 03/01/2019 20:57

Why let him bully everyone because he sulks . The other kids will end up resenting him. Go abroad and stick him with rekatives he he wont go on the day

bringbacksideburns · 03/01/2019 21:12

I don't think OP is coming back.

canadianbanana · 03/01/2019 22:13

I would absolutely find someone to leave him with (friend, relative) and take your other children. He should not be dictating what the whole family does, and those who suggest he 'suck it up' have a point, but from what you've said, he'll ruin the vacation for everyone if you make him go with you. And staying home with him while everyone else goes, is still allowing him to control the rest of the family's plans.

Sonneedshelp · 03/01/2019 22:17

So he doesn't like long car journeys............ what child does?? Mine certainly didn't!

Pipsqueak11 · 03/01/2019 22:23

OP has buggered off.

Liketoshop · 03/01/2019 22:32

Hit him where it hurts by taking his favoured toys ie consoles, etc when badly behaved and only returned in a set time frame, day, week and don't budge but keep it within reason. Keep confiscation away from the home. It'll cause ructions but it's telling him you mean business. I did this from age of eight and they knew. I was the parent not their pal and as an adult now they haven't forgotten it was non negotiable. Take control.

sleepylittlebunnies · 03/01/2019 23:25

My DSis spoilt a holiday once when she was about 12 or 13, she didn’t want to come and did her best not to enjoy it. The following year she did a weeks pony trekking and stayed with a good neighbour for a week and the year after that stayed with GPs.

As this started from 9 though I think your DS must have some issues with anxiety. What happened on the last holiday he went in when he was 8? Has he been on any school residential trips?

My DS11 who has ASD loves holidays and trips away especially abroad as although it’s different it has the same routine each time. He’s not so keen on going away without us though; had to be picked up early on scout camp and vomited from anxiety on a school trip and refused to even go on one school trip to London after a terrorist incident.

Its 4 years since your DS last went on holiday, you need to have a proper discussion about his fears and the unfairness on the rest of the family. If you can afford it I’d even consider counselling to get to the bottom of this as if it continues it will limit his experiences. Some of my best memories are of family holidays.

Carrie80 · 03/01/2019 23:39

Yes cancel it and book the holiday abroad for the other two children you have, he is already making life hard for you even though you booked something in UK for him

Lougle · 03/01/2019 23:52

DD2 (11) has ASD and finds travel really difficult. She gets anxious about it, which presents as moaning about the car journey, and she gets travel sick. We needed to go to Spain last year for a wedding, then onto France to visit my in-laws from there. It involved 2 2-hour car journeys, a 4 hour car journey and a 5 hour car journey over the course of 2 weeks, as well as any other normal driving around. As well as the 3 flights. We dealt with it by telling her that the driving would be long and it wasn't nice, but it had to happen, and she could have travel sickness pills beforehand.

She did it. She coped. She didn't like it, but she slept through a lot of the driving.

You need to find out what is triggering this reaction. It isn't normal. Your DS needs your understanding and he needs your help. Your other children need you to resolve this, too.

yorkrose · 04/01/2019 09:57

Does he get travel sick?
Do you travel in a small car?
Was he like this before the age of nine?
Did something happen to your family or someone he knows whilst holidaying?

There must be something to have triggered this. Try and get to the bottom of it, if you can't then seek professional help.

If it is travel sickness then have lots of stops, hire a more comfortable car.

Involve him more in the planning to make the holiday enjoyable for the whole family.

Good luck. Hope everything works out.

BanginChoons · 04/01/2019 10:09

My 13 year old hates holidays too. We compromise, I allow her to stay in the hotel room with her books and art work through the day while we are around the pool. She joins us for meals and trips out.

There is no way my other 2 are missing out on a holiday because she hates them. It's precious family time.

FlibbertyGiblets · 04/01/2019 10:10

SoupDragon a cattery for children has made me laugh.

OP has gone now, if true then I'm really sorry their family life has gone pete tong.

3luckystars · 04/01/2019 10:16

is it just about holidays that he gets like this?

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