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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a baby because I hate work?

252 replies

conniemary · 01/01/2019 09:22

It’s a slightly misleading title but I really think I want to be a parent. I’m 38 so not young!

I also hate my job, really hate it. And time on maternity would give me a much needed six to eight months or so away from it and hopefully I would be able to get another job afterwards.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RedDwarves · 01/01/2019 09:23

Do you have a partner? Would you be able to afford to take 6+ months off work?

2019rubberband · 01/01/2019 09:25

Depends if you can afford to do so. Of you are unhappy at work though, the solution would usually be to look for something else. Maternity leave isn't going to solve any work related issues, in fact it's more likely to make them worse, because they can grow in your absence.

2019rubberband · 01/01/2019 09:25

Finding a job when you have a young baby isn't easy, it would be better to make the move before TTC.

Notacluethisxmas · 01/01/2019 09:27

Is there a Dp in the picture? What do they think?

If not, going it alone may take a while.

Wether you should have a kids or not depends on loads of stuff. Mainly money. If you don't find a job after mat leave, how will finances work? What's your industry like for working hours, is there a convenient nursery nearby, can you afford child care etc. All that stuff.

Having a baby is great but also very hard work. The usual solution, when you hate your job, is to change job. Not to throw another human being in the situation, that will make working life harder.

ADastardlyThing · 01/01/2019 09:27

I'm not sure that anyone considering having a baby to get time off work, even if it is only part of the reason, is ready to have a baby.

sirmione16 · 01/01/2019 09:28

Wrong reason to have a baby. This annoys me like another thread where someone posted they were jealous of those on maternity for the time off HmmHmmHmm

Use annual leave, take a week sick or find a new job! Don't have a baby for a "break" Confused plus You've months until maternity even starts, working in a job you hate whilst pregnant is even worse. And by the time maternity leave comes, you're exhausted. And a newborn isn't a joyride.

Reality check.

Get on indeed or something

Original poster
conniemary · 01/01/2019 09:28

No partner, so it’s a huge decision.

I haven’t been in the role for long. I wouldn’t need to mention either maternity leave or if I have dependents or not when applying for a new position.

It just looks better to be employed from say August 18-August 20 but of course there would have been a ‘break’ in that timeframe.

OP posts:
ChampagneSocialist1 · 01/01/2019 09:29

If you’re on your own having a newborn is harder than any job I’ve ever done

Original poster
conniemary · 01/01/2019 09:29

Just to reiterate I do want to be a parent but as a single woman this is obviously a huge decision.

That it may help my career in a roundabout fashion is another consideration.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 01/01/2019 09:30

YABU as babies are hard work. Change jobs if you hate your job.

99RedBalloonsFloating · 01/01/2019 09:30

I had a baby when I was 39 and like you I also felt I'd reached a natural end to my current working situation albeit I didn't know what I wanted to do instead. I found a lot of new mothers I met felt similarly. It is a good time to shift focus but not necessarily the best time to think about anything that needs radical retraining although in the right circumstances that's something you could work towards.

sirmione16 · 01/01/2019 09:30

No partner?! So you're gonna go around TTC from random men for a while in order to take a break of work?! I hope you've a more medical intervention than this (donor or something) !!

Oysterbabe · 01/01/2019 09:32

Can you afford it?

Notacluethisxmas · 01/01/2019 09:32

No you don't have to mention the dependents.

However, your new company could very easily find our that you starred a new role and wasn't there for almost half of it.

You may also need to request flexible working, due to childcare. It's unrealistic that you think you can hide a baby. Especially if all the work is going to fall to you.

I am a single parent and work full time. My kid isn't a baby and in school. But it really narrowed the jobs in my field I could apply for where childcare plus my commute could work.

You or second post really make some think that you have no idea, how difficult this is going to be.

Hiphopopotamous · 01/01/2019 09:33

Maternity leave isn't a few months "off". At least at work once you clock off you can do things for yourself, go out, enjoy yourself.
Looking after a child is 24/7, the sleep deprivation alone is just torture. Plus once you go back to work you will be having to do it all at home AND work.
It's not the answer.

Bemoremargo · 01/01/2019 09:33

Is your desire for a baby the main factor, and having a break from work just a perk?
You might find that your maternity leave will give you less time and energy than you are imagining to even think about applying for new jobs. Once back at your old job with a new baby to look after too it could be really difficult to escape a job you hate. Could you could afford to be out of work for a while post baby while you look for a new job? It seems like a risky strategy to me!

AlwaysColdHands · 01/01/2019 09:33

You’d be extremely lucky if you had time to think & plan a new career whilst a sole parent on mat leave with a newborn.....

Plan a job move, career progression, personal development or study. Concrete, sensible things that would set you up to be in a better position to consider a baby in the future.

Don’t make any radical decisions on New Year’s Day!
Best of luck to you x

Original poster
conniemary · 01/01/2019 09:34

I’m not thinking of ‘hiding’ the baby, any more than I hide other aspects of my life that aren’t strictly relevant to my professional one.

Yes oyster

OP posts:
ADastardlyThing · 01/01/2019 09:35

It is a huge decision. And as I say I really don't think anyone considering it to get time off work is, how can i put this, responsible enough to be a parent.

gimmeadoughnut123 · 01/01/2019 09:35

If your main desire to have a baby is to get time off then yes YABU. Just get a new job.

Original poster
conniemary · 01/01/2019 09:35

Well I’m not planning a new career Always, it’s this particular place I hate.

I know I could apply for new positions now but I have been there such a short length of time I would be shooting myself in the foot and also I would be denying myself maternity leave if I did go on to have a baby.

OP posts:
OrdinarySnowflake · 01/01/2019 09:35

Look for a new job now. Back to work after a baby might need time off for sick child etc, better you are already established, and actually looking for a job, having the mental capacity for applying, preping for interviews is easier. It will be easier if you want to flex your hours to fit round drop off/pick up, or WFH one day a week etc if you have already been there a while.

Do that now, while also in the back of your mind thinking baby next year.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 01/01/2019 09:35

I think you're conflating two different things here.

One is the hateful job. Start by looking at how to change that - one way or another you need a new job.

The other is having a baby. Practically, how are you going to make that happen?

That's your two resolutions for 2019. Should keep you busy!

Original poster
conniemary · 01/01/2019 09:35

Maternity pay sorry not leave.

OP posts:
XmasPostmanBos · 01/01/2019 09:36

I think you should seperate the two problems. At 38 you do need to ttc soon if you want children. So if you definitely want to do this get started soon.
Think about your work issues as a different problem. How can you improve matters there or find a new job? Maybe retraining is a possibility? Remember if you did get pregnant at a new job/training course they still have to give you maternity leave and so on, so don't let that put you off making changes now.