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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a baby because I hate work?

252 replies

conniemary · 01/01/2019 09:22

It’s a slightly misleading title but I really think I want to be a parent. I’m 38 so not young!

I also hate my job, really hate it. And time on maternity would give me a much needed six to eight months or so away from it and hopefully I would be able to get another job afterwards.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Ftmwhoisclueless · 03/01/2019 05:03

I've not read the full thread as it's 5am. I thought maternity leave was going to be fun, basically a year off. I'm lucky to have a supportive partner, and can take a year off. I've hated most of it. My experience won't be everyone's but it is very very hard. Much harder than a job I didn't like.

MitziK · 03/01/2019 05:09

Not read everything, but, if you want a baby, have one.

HOWEVER - I think most Mums would be screaming at you 'But I go to work for a REST'.

Having a kid = working three shifts a day, seven days a week, 365 days per year for approximately 20 years. For no pay. Or appreciation.

expat101 · 03/01/2019 05:15

My (single) cousin sounds just like you! Not happy for a variety of reasons, ex has started a family with his ''new'' partner, she is hearing her bio clock ticking away, close family member also just gave birth, most of us have children already. Nah its not a reason and not your time (yet). Make some new year resolutions to find happiness in other areas of your life and move on and upwards.

Rafabella · 03/01/2019 05:19

Some of these posts are quite something aren't they! My view - You sound incredibly smart, considered and kind. Life is fleeting - have a baby, take your mat leave and see what opportunities open up for you. You will see the world much differently when you have a baby so much so that you may decide to apply for jobs that you may not have considered before. Who knows! None of us know what is ahead of us but worrying about it is like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain. Don't listen to the naysayers.

Magentaorwagenta · 03/01/2019 07:18

Go for it.

I agree - you'll make it work

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 03/01/2019 08:56

Have a baby if you want one. But don't expect it to be a breeze.
It's very tough, and yes, going back to work can seem like a holiday afterwards.
Good luck!

Tumbleweed101 · 03/01/2019 09:05

Just try for the baby and see what happens. If you get pregnant you can take the maternity leave then decide if you want to go back or find something new afterwards.

Sometimes things can be preplanned too much. Two years is a long time and so much can change.

Ariela · 03/01/2019 10:09

Just be warned, I like my job, I was good at it and it was the sort of no two days ever the same job that was quite refreshing.

I hated being at home with a newborn, but I found I disliked putting her in childcare even more.

haloumi · 03/01/2019 10:18

YABU

Your reasons for wanting to bring a child into the world are dreadful, and very much part of the problems we have in society. I'd be ashamed to even consider it.

manicmij · 03/01/2019 10:28

Don't feel you have any understanding about what it is like being a parent even when enjoying a job. You should sort out your work situation before thinking about a baby. There are first time mothers a lot older than 38. Wake up and get a grip of reality.

Luxembourgmama · 03/01/2019 10:37

I think lots of people do.

extrastrongnosugar · 03/01/2019 12:26

Ahahahahaha if you think you wilk have time to work on anything other than baby during your maternity leave.

Even actively looking for another job will prove difficult and there is a real chance after 6 months you'll take anything, ANYTHING, to get you out of the house again.

I fell for this everytime, and I'm not a moron, but you just can't imagine how much sleep deprivation dials down your non-essential life.

If at all possible do yourself a favour: change jobs now, and have a baby after

Bilbobagins1234 · 03/01/2019 12:36

Babies are hard work and a child is for life. Having said that women have babies for all sorts of reasons!

yorkrose · 03/01/2019 15:01

Sorry you're not happy in your present employment; talk to your employer to hopefully improve the situation. They won't want you to leave, it takes time and money to replace you... It would be better for you to already be in a secure job where you are settled, when returning from maternity leave. It can be very daunting juggling new job and baby.

A potential new employer might enquire if you have any dependants, be ready to say what support/back up support you have in place. A reliable childminder and relatives/friends.

Lots of best wishes and success in both job and baby. X

mumofpickles · 03/01/2019 16:22

I did exactly this and it was the best thing I have ever done. I was on SLT at a school I was miserable at. Had Mat leave then applied for different jobs on my return and was successsful getting PT hours and life is so much happier. Good luck.

Mrseds · 04/01/2019 12:20

Having a baby is hard, but also the best experience you will ever have, go for it, don’t let others tell you otherwise. There are plenty of single mothers out there, if it truly what you want go for it. All the best x x

MrsCplus · 04/01/2019 14:24

I feel OP is just trying to find a reason to have a baby. It is ok to just want to have a baby. It doesn't have to be a to do with work or partners. It's your body and your life. People get pregnant by accident. I had one planned child and 3 accidents, people cope. I doubt that anyone has had a baby at the exact perfect time. And tbf newborns are easy, it's the toddler stage that you have be aware of.
Good luck to you in whatever decision you make.

whymewhynow · 04/01/2019 14:47

I think you sound eminently sensible staying in a role that you don't love in order to take advantage of the ML that is offered. I wish you every success and would suggest that you start getting full quotes for assisted fertility pathways now so you can work out how much of a hit you will have to take in order to get pregnant in the first place. Get started as soon as you can in case you don't conceive first time and maybe post in Lone Parents where you will get less of the pearl-clutching about how terribly difficult having a child on your own will be Smile. Good luck.

Tessabelle1 · 04/01/2019 15:29

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 If you hate work then don't have a baby, those things are work 24/7 with no get out if you hate it, what a ridiculous reason to have a child!!!!

ContadoraExplorer · 04/01/2019 16:27

Everyone is allowed a mistake on their CV. Provided you've not continuously jumped from one job to another, you can find a new job and put this down to experience.

I've done it; started looking for a role a month into my last job as it was so boring and not at all what I expected from the interview/with my previous experience and salary level. I held out to 6 months to find the right role then had 3 months notice to work... 9 months on my CV but been at my new post for over 2 years with no intention of leaving any time soon.

I don't think a crap job is a good enough reason to have a baby!

YourWinter · 05/01/2019 00:46

They don't stay babies. For years and years, your life will revolve around deadlines associated with picking your child up, from daycare, nursery, pre-school, school, their friends' homes, their sport, social, after-school activities. Or you work more and longer hours so you can pay someone else to do the running around for you. You want this so you can have a few months' maternity leave?? Explain that to your teenager when you're discouraging them from conceiving irresponsibly. I suppose you're serious, though it beggars belief that you'd be so silly.

Mummysharkdodododo · 05/01/2019 01:11

If you are single and 38 it’s not going to be easy to get pregnant, it’ll be expensive at that too. It could take over a year just to get pregnant pushing 40.

Personally I have found having our children very difficult even with an amazing supportive husband, it’s constant and not something I’d ever chose to enter into alone. I’m not sure getting pregnant is the right thing to do in your situation if it’s more to get you out of a job you hate.

Booksandwine80 · 10/01/2019 18:01

YABVU

I have a two year old and I go to work for a bloody rest!!Grin

TheSeasonOfTheWitch · 10/01/2019 19:48

I think you sound strong, resourceful, flexible and determined. Go for it, and good luck.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 10/01/2019 19:53

My mum had me after going back to work and hating it. hahahahhaha.

I think do it, if you really want a kid, and get a decent maternity package. All mothers will tell you having a baby is harder than going to work. But you are 38, not 18 and you want a baby. Plenty of people have babies, abroad would be better where childcare is cheaper... :) As would a career abroad with cheap childcare. Look for ways to build income whilst on maternity leave :)