To have a baby because I hate work?

[conniemary]

It’s a slightly misleading title but I really think I want to be a parent. I’m 38 so not young!

I also hate my job, really hate it. And time on maternity would give me a much needed six to eight months or so away from it and hopefully I would be able to get another job afterwards.

AIBU?

Having a newborn is a zillion times harder than work. It gets easier though - but if you're planning on going back after 6 months you'll miss the easier bit.

They would have to give me maternity leave but I’d need to be there six months before I could TTC due to enhanced maternity pay. At 38 that’s risky.

You’re right; it’s a huge decision if you’re on your own. Babies are for life- and it doesn’t get easier! I say that as a single mum of two teens. Personally in your position I would a) get a new job; b) get a sabbatical c) find another role at current company. All of the above will be easier than having a child.

Op, the fact that you think it's just dead easy to gloss over for your career, means you don't understand.

Taking mat leave and having a baby, unfairly, impacts a woman's career. It's a fact.

If you don't recognise it, so you can deal with it, you will fail. A good employer will be supportive and adjust where possible, but can't if you don't ask.

YABU. What is the rest of your employment history like? I'm not sure that one short stint in the context of an otherwise good CV would be that much of a problem would it?

I wouldn’t need to mention either maternity leave or if I have dependents or not when applying for a new position

You wouldn't need to mention it, but you would certainly have to consider it. Would you be able to afford the childcare if you went back full time?

Bear in mind that it can take a good long while to get pregnant in the first place. I was 33 when ttc DC1 and it took us over a year.

I don’t notaclue but do see it from my point of view.

I want to be a parent.
I hate my job.

Isn’t it sensible to try and combine these two problems?

If you current job offers enhanced maternity leave, and you take it but don't return to work you may need to pay it back.

I could afford childcare, yes. It wouldn’t be easy but I can afford it. Definitely a life of no luxuries though.

I understand the issue.

But I think you need to deal with them from 2 different point of view.

Get a new job, wait for the qualifying period for mat pay then you have a job to go back too.

I’d need to do about three months back at work. I would probably be able to sort another job in that time.

I’ve done a lot of short stints to be honest china - I really need a settled(ish) period.

I sort of understand the temptation, OP, but trust me your maternity leave will whizz by and then you'll be back at work. With a baby to look after.

I think it would also be incredibly difficult to do it on your own, my husband was pretty useless and I gather from MN that a lot of men are, but at least I had someone to share the financial burden with.

I did this... well I had a child because I wanted one but I HATED my job at the time. It made it a zillion times harder to go back and leave my baby. I spent the majority of the second half counting down the days and dreading the day I had to go back. I did start a new job two months after going back though.

I know it would be difficult but then the alternative is not to have a child at all, which upsets me a lot.

What's the backstory on your dating life, if you don't mind saying?

Are you newly single, long-time single, have you dated a lot?

Don’t even consider this unless you can afford excellent childcare. Trying to work full time when your child has chickenpox for example, and is quarantined from nursery for up to 3 weeks, or coping if your nanny phones in sick - nightmare.
I was widowed with two babies, so had no choice but to raise them alone and work, but it was the hardest and most exhausting thing I’ve done (and I used to work 100 hour weeks as a junior doc before they were born!)
I think you should separate the two issues. Look at your career development and decide where you want to be over the next few years.
Then plan the best timing for a child - but be very sure you want the child for its own sake, not as a career diversion. Good luck, OP.

Ok so you go back to work.

Between having to pick up the child fro. Nursery and work, when do you go to interviews?

You won't miss out having a baby if you don't do it now.

You can look for a new job, then work for 6 months, to qualify for mat pay, while prepping for insemination.

Having a child is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and doing it alone is going to be harder.

Why do you want a child, is this a new feeling? I understand you feel your biological clock is running out, and coupled with the hating your job seems to be a perfect storm.

Take a break, take some time off, do you have anyone you can talk to in RL?

Plenty of women have timed conceiving a child to coincide with the desire to take some time out of the workplace to rethink or change direction. You wouldn't be the first or the last. I have certainly be able to use maternity leave to advantage in this respect: didn't hate my job and did stay in the same sector, but wanted to shake things up a bit.

But I have no idea if this is doable if you'd be a single parent though. I found headspace because I had support.

A friend's sister did this and she's really happy with her decision, but she had a lot of family support and a fairly niche skill and is self-employed, can work from home etc (although I don't think she earns a huge amount of money).

Well, an interview would be during the day so the child would be at his normal nursery - I don’t understand what you mean there Xmas, sorry.

I would indeed have secure childcare.

I can assure everybody I have no intention of not having my child cared for while I work (I’m single, not stupid - sorry if I sound a bit terse but really.)

My dating history is a blank space as Taylor swift once said. I’m gay anyway so having a baby would always be hard.

Also, 38 is not that old. I understand it's risky to not get a move on if you want to have a baby, but I think you can take a year to lay groundwork.

I am a similar age and on mat leave. I also hate my job and was so much looking forward to 6 months maternity leave, though that wasn't why I had a baby.

I love children, I love being at home and I am quite happy in my own company and I thought it would be wonderful. It is not. Having a baby is the hardest job I have ever done. When baby was 1 month old I was crying and begging my partner to swap and let me go back to work- no PND just no sleep and another human constantly demanding on you is just so unbelievably draining.

Baby is now 4 months and it has just got a little better but I have had to extend my maternity to a year as I would never be able to cope with a stressful job on this amount of sleep.

Even if you have the easiest baby and a lovely maternity leave it will still end and you will have to work AND cope with a baby.

Have a baby but not for the maternity leave.

Find a new job and start dating...you still have time.

I think being a single mum returning to a job you hate after maternity leave won't be much fun. Nor will job hunting.