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AIBU?

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Original poster

To murder DH and my in laws in pregnancy induced rage?

418 replies

MrsHughGrant · 31/12/2018 12:06

I've got hyperemesis gravidium. I've had it for 7 weeks and I'm in hell. Been signed off work, I vomit from when I wake up until I go to sleep. I've been in and out of hospital. I'm on medication now but I'm still sick constantly and I'm so tired and I just have no energy.

DHs extended family all came over for 5 nights over Christmas, it was pre-arranged, Christmas and I battled through. I didn't stay in bed and mope I showered and put makeup on and tried to be a good host despite how awful I felt. Played with the kids, cooked for the adults etc. They left 2 days ago and I was so exhausted from the time they were here I slept for 14 hours, woke up just to eat (and spew) and then passed out again. Today I am still completely exhausted, the house is a shit hole, I've thrown up five times and I just feel like crap so I said to DH I'm not going to make it to your mums later feeling like this, but go without me obviously and have fun.

The fucker turns around and says "they're coming here remember?" I thought he was joking but nope, got 5 adults and 5 children all coming back at 3 for the next 2 nights. He has not told me this. I know exactly why he hasn't told me this as I'd say no and now I don't know what to do. He's said can't I just do what I did the other day and power through and get the house sorted. I'm just lying in bed crying now I feel so peopled out I just can't do it. I just want to sleep. I just can't think of another option other than murder.

OP posts:
gassylady · 31/12/2018 12:08

Hotel for you for next two nights

Pachyderm1 · 31/12/2018 12:08

Sorry but I think murder is actually the only option here. I’m happy to give you a fake alibi.

Maelstrop · 31/12/2018 12:08

Let him deal, tell him he's hosting and you just can't. Why has he done this? Surely he knows how exhausted you are?

QueenNovo · 31/12/2018 12:09

Stay in bed and rest. Let him do everything, its his turn and his family anyway. Do not give in and "power through" leave everything for him to sort.

Tighnabruaich · 31/12/2018 12:09

The other option is to stay in bed. He'll have to get on with it and 'power' through.

newyearnotsonewme · 31/12/2018 12:09

Oh god bless you! Why is he being so thoughtless? And why have his family not noticed you aren't up to playing host. You have two choices here in my mind. Either you say no and he goes to theirs or you say they can come and he does everything. You stay in bed and he runs around :-)

I think murder is acceptable baring in mind what you're going through and he isn't being supportive. I haven't been too horrific this pregnancy but dh still has been the most attentive he's ever been and that's how it should be!

Bombardier25966 · 31/12/2018 12:09

You're right to be annoyed and upset, but threatening to kill your partner, even in jest, is not on. Imagine the outcry if a man said that about a woman.

Make a list of everything that needs doing and give it to your husband. You're too ill so it's him that needs to power through and get it sorted.

bastardkitty · 31/12/2018 12:10

Everything you need to say right here 'No, they're not'

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 31/12/2018 12:10

Ring her and tell her the plan has changed and hope her cupboards are full....

bastardkitty · 31/12/2018 12:10

It wouldn't be murder anyway. Totally forgivable under the circumstances.

HolyMountain · 31/12/2018 12:10

Stay in bed and don’t move other than to pee or be sick.

Your Husband and IL’a are very very inconsiderate .

Star81 · 31/12/2018 12:10

If they are coming today then surely he realised that nobody had been getting organised for it.

Leave him to it and stay in bed.

Original poster
MrsHughGrant · 31/12/2018 12:11

He's adamant he told me but I am adamant he hasn't told me as I would of said fuck no. He said his family were coming here to make it easier so I don't have to travel while being sick. How kind of them would of been kinder if they did any fucking cooking or cleaning while they were here for the best part of a week

OP posts:
rjay123 · 31/12/2018 12:11

ODFO Bombardier.

joanmcc · 31/12/2018 12:12

Ha ha, spousal murder, how very twee. Ha ha

Pringlemunchers · 31/12/2018 12:12

I tell you what to do... Fuck all. You go to bed , get food and drinks in your room. Let him get on with it !

Pachyderm1 · 31/12/2018 12:12

You're right to be annoyed and upset, but threatening to kill your partner, even in jest, is not on. Imagine the outcry if a man said that about a woman.

Oh get over yourself, this kind of po-faced, unutterably humourless moralising is unbearably tedious.

Make a list of everything that needs doing and give it to your husband. You're too ill so it's him that needs to power through and get it sorted.

Why should OP make a list of everything that needs doing?! She’s ill and needs to rest, and her DH isn’t a child. If he wants to host he can work out for himself what needs to be done while OP actually rests.

AutumnCrow · 31/12/2018 12:13

Your DP sounds deeply uncaring, stupid, weak or possibly all three.

What have you got to lose by telling him No? What will he do to you?

elvis86 · 31/12/2018 12:13

Wow - poor you!

Sooooo much to comment on here.

Despite soldiering through, do none of these family members know what you're suffering from? Can't believe that if they do, none of them would have suggested a rethink on the return visit?!

DH arranging overnight visitors without discussing with you is bang out of order. Especially if this was deliberate to avoid you having opportunity to object. Even more so if you're expected to cover all tasks associated with hosting (see next point).

Why is it your responsibility to "get the house sorted"? Is your DH a paraplegic?

You're an adult. It's your home as much as his. Cancel.

And I think you need a serious conversation with your DH. He sounds like a total cnut.

Sierra259 · 31/12/2018 12:14

Agree with previous posters. He is either insane or a selfish twat. Tell him he either cancels or he can get on with hosting everyone as you are not leaving your bedroom/bathroom for the next 2 days. If they do end up coming, do not put a brave face on or "power through" Hmm Let everyone see how crap you're feeling and make them and your DH feel super-uncomfortable for imposing on you yet again!

Blueemeraldagain · 31/12/2018 12:14

If you really feel like you cannot cancel (cancel!) then is there anywhere you can go? A hotel? Any family of your’s? Being ill away from home is awful but I think I’d prefer it to the situation you’re facing.

Coldtoes28 · 31/12/2018 12:14

Agree that you should commit the murders and then tell the judge what you've just told us because you won't be punished. You might even be awarded some compensation. XX ps refuse!

Redcrayonisthebest · 31/12/2018 12:14

You are just not prepared to do it. Go to bed and ignore, repeat this as often as needed.
DH can crack on and sort the house out if he wants. He's being incredibly thoughtless, please don't give in to him.

TheMadGardener · 31/12/2018 12:15

Do not get up! Tell him he's got two choices:
A) He rings them and apologises but you are too ill to host so he must cancel.
B) You stay in bed, ill. He cleans the house, does all the entertaining and cooking, keeps guests away from you.

If he won't do either of these, leave him to it and go to a hotel or your mum's. I can't believe he or his family expected you to host over Christmas, never mind a second time. I had terrible HG like you and ended up on a drip in hospital several times. There's no way I could have played hostess! My DDs are 14 and 12 now but I still shudder at the thought of it.

Do NOT drag yourself out of bed to please him and his family! It's not fair on you or your baby.

DartmoorDoughnut · 31/12/2018 12:15

Yep you’re in the clear.

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