To murder DH and my in laws in pregnancy induced rage?

[MrsHughGrant]

I've got hyperemesis gravidium. I've had it for 7 weeks and I'm in hell. Been signed off work, I vomit from when I wake up until I go to sleep. I've been in and out of hospital. I'm on medication now but I'm still sick constantly and I'm so tired and I just have no energy.

DHs extended family all came over for 5 nights over Christmas, it was pre-arranged, Christmas and I battled through. I didn't stay in bed and mope I showered and put makeup on and tried to be a good host despite how awful I felt. Played with the kids, cooked for the adults etc. They left 2 days ago and I was so exhausted from the time they were here I slept for 14 hours, woke up just to eat (and spew) and then passed out again. Today I am still completely exhausted, the house is a shit hole, I've thrown up five times and I just feel like crap so I said to DH I'm not going to make it to your mums later feeling like this, but go without me obviously and have fun.

The fucker turns around and says "they're coming here remember?" I thought he was joking but nope, got 5 adults and 5 children all coming back at 3 for the next 2 nights. He has not told me this. I know exactly why he hasn't told me this as I'd say no and now I don't know what to do. He's said can't I just do what I did the other day and power through and get the house sorted. I'm just lying in bed crying now I feel so peopled out I just can't do it. I just want to sleep. I just can't think of another option other than murder.

Ahh, I feel so bad for you. That's horrible of your OH. I never had HG just regular morning sickness and that was horrible enough, definitely wouldn't have been wanting to host anyone. Stay in bed and let your D(?)H deal with everything. You think he might have mentioned this to you in the last few days seeing how bad you are. (unmumsnetty hugs) x

Never known them let themselves in before, no ones come upstairs so all I can think is DH told them to leave me be? Yes same people have come back, they're a very close family and spend all holidays together but agree it's ridiculous they've come back here. The plan was always his mothers until DH told them I was too sick to travel so rearranged without telling me. My family all live hours away, and definitely can't afford a hotel with my money after being on statutory sick pay last month. Guess I can use joint account though seeing as this is all that pricks doing

I would tell your ‘D’H to FTFO. Get food and drinks for you in your bedroom and then stay in bed. His family so he deals with them. If he objects to this I think I’d leave him. You aren’t his priority and at this point you should be.

They must have been aware you were being sick all day, OP? And they let you carry on cooking?

I'm struggling to get my head round this. It's not normal.

No. Don't lift a finger.

Who cares what anyone thinks about the state of the house? If they've any clue how ill you've been feeling, they should be ashamed of themselves for even considering putting you to more work.

If they insist on coming over (and honestly, I wouldn't feel bad about canceling last minute via text-- It's NYE, not Christmas! Hearts won't be broken!), your husband can do all the necessary cleaning, catering, and "entertaining". Maybe he'll learn not to do this sort of thing again without making darn sure that you've agreed to it.

Any host can suddenly come down with an illness the day of a planned party. This won't be any worse than that, and everyone involved will survive if it's moved to your MIL's house.

"Power through"! Ugh, he's lucky you didn't throw something at him then and there!

I just showed my DP this thread and warned her if she ever did this I would probably have to result to murder (obviously not literal murder)

I just can't believe your DH has been so selfish this Christmas. He's lucky you haven't murdered him yet. Christmas was bad enough.

Why would he think that was okay? Does he secretly think you've been faking all this time?

I only read the thread title.
YANBU.
Not at all.

I had this. I used to throw up so violently that I'd pee on myself.

Stay in bed. Do not feel guilty. Do not worry about how the house looks. They're arseholes for putting you through this.

Seriously, it's no problem. You stay in bed and let him deal with it. All of it. Just shout down for food and drink when you need it.

@AutumnCrow I was very secretive when being sick as none of the kids know I'm pregnant yet. Didn't make it overly obvious but was surprised no one seemed to pick up on it and help out

And get him to explain to your In-laws about HG.
I had severe morning sickness, sis in law had HG. Nothing like the same. I had good days and bad days, she had awful days and hospital admissions. Mine eased off, hers didn't and she had actually lost over a stone from her pre pregnancy weight after dneice was born.
It's like saying a mild cold compared to double pneumonia.

Just lay down the law. Tell everyone in your house and tell your husband and his mother that there will be no guests at your house and no New Year celebration there tonight. It is not reasonable for you to have to barricade yourself in your bedroom. They need to go elsewhere.

This, actually.

They can’t have travelled that far if they have only been away 2 days and come back. What the fuck is wrong with them? Don’t they have homes of their own they can stay in? Why yours?

Tell them all to fuck off and leave you alone. What a bunch of selfish, self centred, inconsiderate pricks and your husband is the worst of all. You’re so ill as a result of growing HIS BABY and this is the kind of respect you get?!

MIL has said she will stay for one night as they've "already travelled". They only "travelled" home less than 48 hours ago so if she was willing to come back so soon it can't be that far.

Let her "travel" back to her own house- she's heard you telling DH you're ill they need to F off out of your house and let you rest.

I would take a little wander downstairs to get a glass of water or something. Let them see the real you. Make it clear that you feel worse than ever as Christmas has really taken it out of you. Then go back to bed, and do whatever you need to to get throught the next couple of days. There are enough adults to deal with the cooking, cleaning and children. Focus on you and don't feel bad about it.

I do appreciate how much harder it is to relax with a house full of people, though!

Yes you can use the joint account. It's what I would do because I'd be so fucking angry that I couldn't face even hearing their voices. Or the second option, stay in bed. Poor you!

Can you be comfy enough in your bedroom? With tea and tele and your own bathroom?

This is absolutely ridiculous! Your dh clearly knows that he didn’t tell you! He knows you would say no! He has witnessed the massive crash you have had since your in-laws left!

If you can’t keep anything down then don’t be afraid to call 111! You may need another hospital stay and fluids! If this is the case then I hope that your dh and his family will have the decency to be mortified!

Do stay in bed, don’t push through it, you will only make yourself worse if you push through it! Do you have your children or does your dh have them? If you do then they are the only ones who need to come in and out of your room. I would just be honest, don’t try to hide crying, you feel dreadful and your dh organised house guests behind your back! You are barely fit to watch your own dc, let alone entertain your dh’s entire family!

I have a chronic illness and my own family tried to change plans and arrange to bring several people overnight to stay with me over Christmas. I felt terrible but put my foot down and said no! I know my limitations and I stick to them! If I push past them, then I pay for it later, which has longer implications on my health and on my dc who will then have less time with me as I will end up exhausted!

I can't believe I'm reading this.

Tell the bellend to get back pronto and get rid of his bloody family. How dare they all impose like this?

I had HG during my first pregnancy and people really don’t take it seriously. My MIL always used to chirp up with “yes I also had very bad sickness when pregnant” ... yes but we’re you physically sick every 20/30mins some days? We’re you sick after every single thing you ate or drank? Did you wake up through the night all night being sick? Did you have to carry a bowl with you in the car just in case? Did you have to jump out the shower to be sick? Did you have to stop having baths because it wasn’t worth it in case you had to jump out and be sick? We’re you hospitalised? Did you have to stop using trains, just in case? NO it wasn’t HG so stop pretending you have ANY idea

@xmasbamechange No one seems to get it at all! When it started DH said I need to try and keep working as "I'm not the first person to get pregnant and won't be the last, and you've got to get on with it" I ripped him to shreds and he'd been nice and understanding ever since.... until this!! Haven't even got the energy to be angry I'm just crying

So they actually are utterly thick then.

Tell DH to round up the lot of them and decamp to his mother's, or to anywhere that isn't your house. He can take the kids with him.

I can see how it has happened from the ILs point of view: DH said his wife was too sick to travel, so they decided to be "nice" and include her by coming back to their house.

Why on God's green earth none of them said "Oh, DS, perhaps you should just stay at home this NYE and look after your wife rather than worry about the party this year" is another thing.

And how your DH "thought" he had mentioned it and yet still left all the housework and let the house get into a state for his pregnant and ill wife is yet another thing.

He had better be SERIOUSLY FUCKING APOLOGETIC.

And they should ALL be making plans to take the food and party back to their own houses. It's not even 2pm, they can be home by 4pm and party there.

Stay in bed. Ignore all the people and do not give one tiny fuck what any of them think. Let DH deal with this and then bollock him royally when you feel better.

Your DH must know he didn’t agree this with you. He’s gaslighting you. He’s a prick.