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AIBU?

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Original poster

To murder DH and my in laws in pregnancy induced rage?

418 replies

MrsHughGrant · 31/12/2018 12:06

I've got hyperemesis gravidium. I've had it for 7 weeks and I'm in hell. Been signed off work, I vomit from when I wake up until I go to sleep. I've been in and out of hospital. I'm on medication now but I'm still sick constantly and I'm so tired and I just have no energy.

DHs extended family all came over for 5 nights over Christmas, it was pre-arranged, Christmas and I battled through. I didn't stay in bed and mope I showered and put makeup on and tried to be a good host despite how awful I felt. Played with the kids, cooked for the adults etc. They left 2 days ago and I was so exhausted from the time they were here I slept for 14 hours, woke up just to eat (and spew) and then passed out again. Today I am still completely exhausted, the house is a shit hole, I've thrown up five times and I just feel like crap so I said to DH I'm not going to make it to your mums later feeling like this, but go without me obviously and have fun.

The fucker turns around and says "they're coming here remember?" I thought he was joking but nope, got 5 adults and 5 children all coming back at 3 for the next 2 nights. He has not told me this. I know exactly why he hasn't told me this as I'd say no and now I don't know what to do. He's said can't I just do what I did the other day and power through and get the house sorted. I'm just lying in bed crying now I feel so peopled out I just can't do it. I just want to sleep. I just can't think of another option other than murder.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 31/12/2018 12:56

I suppose they assumed if you cooked and coped over Xmas then you couldn't have HG which puts women in hospital, or you couldn't actually have cooked and coped ...

sevensatsumas · 31/12/2018 12:56

Wow! Stay in bed.

Original poster
MrsHughGrant · 31/12/2018 12:57

@AutumnCrow It was a struggle. I was still sick constantly just forced through but think I definitely made too much effort and now they're expecting it. Annoyed at myself

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 31/12/2018 12:57

Charlotte Brontë DIED of HG, for godssake.

What a bunch of numpties.

ohtheholidays · 31/12/2018 12:57

Put something against the bedroom door so no on can disturb you and read your fucking selfish husband the bloody riot act when you feel upto it and your MIL can fuck off as well and who brings they're dog to someone elses house?!

Do you think your husband knew about the Dog coming?

Genevieva · 31/12/2018 12:58

Just lay down the law. Tell everyone in your house and tell your husband and his mother that there will be no guests at your house and no New Year celebration there tonight. It is not reasonable for you to have to barricade yourself in your bedroom. They need to go elsewhere.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 31/12/2018 12:58

Do they normally just let themselves in??!

NotANotMan · 31/12/2018 12:58

Is this the same family members who have already stayed for 5 days? Why on Earth are they coming back?

GertrudeCB · 31/12/2018 12:59

Is your dickhead husband back yet?

Forkrightorf · 31/12/2018 12:59

I can't believe what I'm reading op! Any chance you could shuffle off to a travelodge or something for the night? A bit of peace for you and time for DH to sweat it out hosting and stewing for what he's done!
Either way, don't lift a sodding finger and stay in bed - you didn't ask for this situation and you must put yourself first after pushing it over Xmas.

Spotsandstars · 31/12/2018 12:59

I'm so angry on your behalf. Mostly with your dh who should've cancelled ages ok. I've nothing useful to add but you haven't mentioned the possibility of going to family so is there no one else around??

OhLemons · 31/12/2018 12:59

It doesn't matter that OP copes over Christmas, she feels like shit now and being expected to play host again without knowledge or consultation.

Pregnancy and HG aside it is still unreasonable to descend on someone hag has just hosted for 5 days. It's someone else's turn.

thefinn · 31/12/2018 13:00

Stay in bed/Hotel. Really the same people left for 2 days only to come back? And yes they just let themselves in?

Categoric · 31/12/2018 13:00

Stay in bed and let them get on with it.

Please don’t make the mistake of getting up and pretending.

He is so far from reasonable that he is in his own universe and so are his family. What sort of self absorbed idiot sits around and let’s a pregnant woman run round after them? Particularly one who has complications. They know you are really not well but it was easier for them to let you do everything to the point of exhausting you. How lazy and selfish are they? And how bloody claustrophobic? I love my family but would not want to spend so much time with them...

And plan for when the baby is born. Set up a family WhatsApp so that you can tell everyone exactly when they are allowed to see you and the baby. Otherwise, they will all descend upon you again and you’ll be ‘powering through’ look after them whilst they amuse themselves with your baby.

And explain to your DH that he can never put his family before your mental or physical health again if he wants to remain married.

PanamaPattie · 31/12/2018 13:00

I have plenty of room under my patio. Enough for the entire party of guests. If that helps.

Nomorepies · 31/12/2018 13:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Urbanbeetler · 31/12/2018 13:01

Just make sure you vomit where they can see and hear. And stay in bed - refuse to engage.

DarlingNikita · 31/12/2018 13:01

when she'd asked DH if I was ok he'd said yes she's fine Kick him up the arse for that.

She said if it's ok they'll only stay for one night as they've already travelled up but not to worry about anything, her and DH will sort.

Well, make sure you stay well out of the way so you can't get sucked into doing anything.

As for his sister et al Shock Go downstairs and chuck them out. How can they let themselves in? Does she have a key? Take it off her.

thefinn · 31/12/2018 13:01

And yes I feel so angry on your behalf.

WisdomOfCrowds · 31/12/2018 13:01

Fucking hell, you have HG and he made you cook over Christmas?!?! In all seriousness, I'm not sure I could forgive that level of uncaringness from my spouse. The first time he expected that I'd have been heartbroken by the selfishness. For it to happen twice I'd honestly be asking myself if I wanted to raise children with this man. You need to have a very very serious talk. It's not even vaguely ok for him to be so cruel and thoughtless towards you.

DistanceCall · 31/12/2018 13:02

I'm suggesting this totally seriously.

They don't believe that HG is a serious thing? Fine. Go out. Throw up. Repeatedly. In front of them. On them. Let them deal with the mess.

See whether they think you are exaggerating then.

TheSerenDipitY · 31/12/2018 13:02

get up and play host, smile and be happy, and each and every time you have to go vomit ( i was on a 20 min cycle for that so i know how hard it will be for you) punch him in the nuts on the way past, so he knows just how often this is happening and just how painful and debilitating it is for you

xmasbamechange · 31/12/2018 13:02

So utterly selfish. Do you have parents or siblings you could go and stay at? I know it’s not easy to just leave as you probably were looking forward to being at home with your kids and husband and just relaxing but I think it would be for the best. Say your taking the kids if you want to, at the end of the day he’s the one who ruined your night and plans not you so you don’t have to be separated from them.

HollowTalk · 31/12/2018 13:02

I am so angry on your behalf!

Can you not go to a hotel? That's what I'd do. And I wouldn't come home until my husband had cleaned and tidied the house, either.

NoSquirrels · 31/12/2018 13:02

Stay in bed.

Text both your DH and your MIL right now and say - there are kids and dogs and people in my house I cannot manage right now as I am hanging over a sickness bowl. Please come home ASAP and sort it or ask them to meet you somewhere. Tell DH and MIL to leave the food shopping, someone else can do it or a takeaway can be ordered.

You poor poor thing. Flowers

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