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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having children turns your life into a long series of things you don’t want to do?

221 replies

Cheekysquirrel · 31/12/2018 09:12

Does anyone else find this? I spend my life basically doing things I don’t want to do but obviously I do them for my children’s sake.
I don’t want to watch ds play rugby / football in the cold / rain while trying to entertain a bored dd.
I don’t want to take dd to boring toddler / preschool parties.
I don’t want to go to soft play.
I don’t want to troop them to swimming lessons and have the hassle of getting them ready before / after.
I really really don’t want to go to any more adventure farms
I don’t want to do boring trails around places like national trust properties

Argh. I am a terrible selfish parent clearly but I am so BORED. Today I’m taking them to some children’s museum. Ds(9) is moaning already because he will have to be removed from his iPad which he had for Christmas. They will fight while we are out. So it’s not even like they are grateful / enjoy it themselves!
I would love to be able to go to the shops and have a look and get some lunch, on my own.

Aibu? Is parenting just always this dull?

OP posts:
snowie01 · 31/12/2018 09:14

YANBU hence I'm not ever having any DC

sparkler10 · 31/12/2018 09:17

Totally agree! But when they grow up, you get a lot of time to yourself and kind of miss it 😄

Sausagefingers9 · 31/12/2018 09:17

Yanbu. I’m craving time for myself desperately at the mo

KingLooieCatz · 31/12/2018 09:17

Do you get many breaks from parenting? It makes a huge difference for me.

Meeting up with someone at soft play or whatever makes it more enjoyable for me, I am happy if I can chat over a coffee while DS plays. Or else I take something to read.

parrotonmyshoulder · 31/12/2018 09:18

Yes!
I’m looking forward to us all going back to work and school.
Relentless, punctuated by the odd pleasant few hours.
I love them, of course.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 31/12/2018 09:18

You sound like your having a bad time of it right now but it won't be like this forever. They won't be little for long and will want to be off with their friends instead of their parent/s and then everything will reverse - you will be desperate for time with your kids rather than time by yourself.

Of course you aren't going to jump for joy everytime you have to stand in the cold watching sports or running around a soft play for the billionth time. Not enjoying every single second of parenting doesn't make you any less of a good parent. Like you say, you do it for your kid's sake + it sounds like you're doing a great job.

This too shall pass.

continuallychargingmyphone · 31/12/2018 09:18

But did you not expect this?

I know everyone’s entitled to a moan but they aren’t compulsory!

PhilomenaNewYearButterfly · 31/12/2018 09:19

I drag DD to things she doesn't want to go to occasionally, because she mostly enjoys herself when we're there, like a Tolkien Society meeting in a Wetherspoons. I don't get many chances to do things for myself. Xmas Grin

SatsumaFan · 31/12/2018 09:19

I hear you.

Altho mine are coming up 5 and 8 and don't do any clubs yet. They're not interested. I take them for days out and they moan a lot and I wonder why I bother.

Do you have plenty of opportunities to do things just for you? I find that helps break it up a bit.

HamiltonCork · 31/12/2018 09:19

I saw it as a very complicated catering project. It seems just like one meal after another.

TheFifthKey · 31/12/2018 09:19

I find the key is to find the things you do want to do, or at least don’t actively hate, or make them bearable for yourself. So, I like going to the cinema, even shit kids films, so we do those cheap weekend morning showings. I quite like soft play if I get coffee and food (because sitting reading with coffee is nice, and not having to make lunch is nice too). I don’t go on the equipment with them ever - that’s what I’m paying soft play for. I choose parks where I know I can sit down. Farms are shit and I’ve pretty much ditched them except on lovely sunny days. I like country walks (short ones) but hate the beach so avoid that as much as I can. I like the library and hate sport so I have unashamedly encouraged reading over football (not difficult as DS isn’t sporty). I like crafts and painting so we have plenty of those things.

CharltonLido73 · 31/12/2018 09:20

Totally agree! But when they grow up, you get a lot of time to yourself and kind of miss it 😄

Totally agree. Mine have grown up and both moved out in the summer, and I was reflecting yesterday on how I now have the luxury of time to do whatever I want, but how I miss the old days of ferrying them to sporting fixtures, swimming lessons, band practice, etc.

BringBiscuits · 31/12/2018 09:20

You don’t have to fill all their tine with activities and visits. Get friends over with kids similar ages? Take turns with your OH to give yourself a break? You sound fed up. You need a bit of adult only tune if possible?

KingLooieCatz · 31/12/2018 09:21

I've also reached a point where DS's need for me and for constant supervision has abated and parenting feels less relentless and pressured, I can see ahead now to the point where he grabs keys and phone and says "see you later" and I'll be left sitting wondering if I should have enjoyed this bit more.

Also, some of the stuff he does I can join in with and also enjoy.

HerestoyouMrsRobinson · 31/12/2018 09:21

You need to find more stuff that you DO like doing with them and outsource some that you hate.
Can their dad help? Could you swop taking DD to parties with childcare for her friends which will occupy them?

PARunnerGirl · 31/12/2018 09:22

For me, I knew that for the most part the loss of spontaneity and flexibility would outweigh the joy of family and so I don’t have children. I think I am probably a minority as for most people, the opposite seems to be true more often.

I bet you have times when they are such a joy and you cherish your time with them, right? And I am sure people feel like you all the time at different stages of childhood. Please don’t judge yourself harshly. Other posters will be along soon to tell you about the older years when kids are more independent and the pressure on you is less. Smile

Petitprince · 31/12/2018 09:22

I love it - but then may be I'm just a big kid. Love all the prompts to get out and about and enjoy things. Are you may be going to the wrong activities if no-one is enjoying it?

Arriettyborrower · 31/12/2018 09:23

Oh I hear you!

It mostly is boring and hard work as you have to do lots of things you don’t want to do. I had two then a gap and two more, I’ve now been parenting for 25 years relentlessly 🤣 and have recently been wondering WHY???!!

Only 9 years to go....

MsTSwift · 31/12/2018 09:23

As they grow up you get the lovely realisation that you have not been to soft okay for months and you never will again. I strutto understand how people have more and more dc am filled with horror at thought of going back to the beginning.

I have two tween age girls who now enjoy what I do. Their favourite activity is going to a cafe and I have started to like the films they want to see (oceans 8 etc). Dh and I have done stuff we wouldn’t ever have done without kids and actually enjoyed. It gets better!

CharltonLido73 · 31/12/2018 09:23

Also, some of the stuff he does I can join in with and also enjoy.

True, I used to love the concerts and going to the athletics meetings when they were in their teens.

krustykittens · 31/12/2018 09:24

My kids are teenagers now and sporty so I still have to take them to a lot of events and sit around in the cold a lot. But I get more back from them now as they really appreciate it. I get a hug for being there for moral support when they are nervous, for being the one that remembered a vital bit of kit, etc. But the happiness on their faces when they do well and I am there to see it makes me appreciate all those hours I put in when they were little and didn't show it as much, because they felt exactly the same way 10 years ago. I hear you, OP, keep plugging away, because it is worth it. But balance it out with time doing the things YOU like doing.

MsTSwift · 31/12/2018 09:24

*soft play

  • struggle to understand
boymum9 · 31/12/2018 09:24

Yanbu, I adore being a mum and adore my children but the list of things I don't enjoy doing is endless...! Park, softplay etc etc etc, but they're still very young, maybe when it gets to the age where I'm not constantly trying to stop my one year old eating mud at the park and I can relax and watch them (have coffee and 10 minutes on my phone) it'll be more enjoyable!

Bumbalaya · 31/12/2018 09:26

YADNBU.
I take it in turns with my husband every Saturday to have 5 hours to ourselves to go into town and do what ever we want / have the house to our selves. Total sanity saver/ marriage saver. Solitude is a human need.

CatnissEverdene · 31/12/2018 09:27

I came to a grinding halt with mine on a day out somewhere in the school holidays. They were being complete PITAs and I just lost it.... thought WTAF am i doing? So we stopped the constant "occupying" and swapped it for play in the garden, walking the dog, and letting them just be kids.

It's very liberating and highly recommended. And more importantly my DC were a lot happier and calmer, especially dropping the after school stuff. If we did do days out, I let them choose and that way there was a vested interest in them enjoying it!