To think that having children turns your life into a long series of things you don’t want to do?

[Cheekysquirrel]

Does anyone else find this? I spend my life basically doing things I don’t want to do but obviously I do them for my children’s sake.
I don’t want to watch ds play rugby / football in the cold / rain while trying to entertain a bored dd.
I don’t want to take dd to boring toddler / preschool parties.
I don’t want to go to soft play.
I don’t want to troop them to swimming lessons and have the hassle of getting them ready before / after.
I really really don’t want to go to any more adventure farms
I don’t want to do boring trails around places like national trust properties

Argh. I am a terrible selfish parent clearly but I am so BORED. Today I’m taking them to some children’s museum. Ds(9) is moaning already because he will have to be removed from his iPad which he had for Christmas. They will fight while we are out. So it’s not even like they are grateful / enjoy it themselves!
I would love to be able to go to the shops and have a look and get some lunch, on my own.

Aibu? Is parenting just always this dull?

The activities bit with dcs is the bit I like!

It’s the mind numbing drudgery of daily household tasks- the meal planning, shopping, cooking, dishes, laundry, school organisation, doctors/dentists/opticians, reading, nagging, tidying, bed changing, dressing, bathing, tooth brushing, enticing to eat meals. All that is relentless. It never ends and there is no reward.

Trips out I like- take them to places you like!

I like being able to read at soft play. I’ll go in and have a crawl about too- surely that’s fun?

I don’t take them to sports I’m not interested in watching- so it’s mostly been indoors- tennis, ice skating, gymnastics, dancing, badminton.

Swimming lessons I delegate to grandparents.

The dcs don’t like NT houses so we don’t go. We go to parks and woods to climb trees and play hide and seek. Go to beaches and chase waves, hunt crabs and collect glass.

I wouldn’t do this stuff without the dcs.

has not had. I’m on NYE bubbly already

MrDarcyWillBeMine makes a good point, to those couples or women too.

Mine are 4 & 6 now and it's all a lot less of a slog. I work pt, oldest at school and youngest is in nursery for a glorious 3 hours on my days off!

I must say I love the activities and watching my children grow self esteem and confidence in front of my eyes. Mine can't get enough of them and want to do everything swimming/football/dance/rainbows, I'm always trying to cut back.

I learned in the early days that dragging kids out to stuff neither them nor I want to do is complete madness, why do we do it to ourselves? 🤦🏽‍♀️ During the summer holidays this year the hot weather meant I had the perfect excuse to stay home. Kids had the time of their lives pottering in the garden playing their tent/paddling pool.

We never do soft play, unless it's a party/play date.

My worst parts of parenting are, getting them dressed every day, making dinner, school run and generally anything that involves getting organised and leaving the house 😂

But going on adventures with my children are also my best bits.

I do miss the old days too though, when me and DH would go out for dinner/ the cinema on a whim and no organisation was required.

Trills

I don't know what to tell you. I thought going to the circus with my DSis and niece was the very epitome of boring. When I had my own child, somehow it wasn't.

Even with toddlers it’s possible to reduce time doing the stuff you dislike and to do more of the stuff you like. Taking into account everyone’s needs and preferences.

Gets easier with older DC.

Eg Time slots each week (or every other week) for each parent to do something alone.

DH does outdoorsy stuff with the DC because he enjoys that; I do cooking with them. Sometimes they choose. Sometimes we have work or chores to do so they have to entertain themselves.

I almost never watch my DC do sports, I drop them off then go jogging. My health is a higher priority than watching them.

I find it's more the daily drudgery that gets me. Cleaning the same thing day in day out, brushing teeth, making lunch etc. Especially as ds is at a phase where he argues about everything and dd is at an age where she needs constant supervision.

I almost never watch my DC do sports, I drop them off then go jogging. My health is a higher priority than watching them

This would cause me immense guilt. Not saying you should feel guilty by the way, but for me, I'd feel awful. I'm a total martyr though and readily admit it.

"But did you not expect this?

I know everyone’s entitled to a moan but they aren’t compulsory!"

My parents didn't do any of those things so I can see why someone brought up like me wouldn't really expect them.
(They drove us to birthday parties, but not toddler ones).

This is how I feel when I'm not getting the adult time/space I need
When things are more balanced and I'm less stressed I enjoy these things again
Nobody can be Mummy 24/7 365 days a year we all need some me time, time with other grown ups etc. Otherwise we are trying to drink from an empty well.

I don't really believe children need constant entertainment, and I don't really do the stuff I don't enjoy. For example, I'll play board games, but not Barbie. It's really good for children's development to play pretend on their own - DD can occupy herself with her dolls' house for hours. I also put the TV on when I need a break. It's not the end of the world.

YANBU. Day 4 of solo parenting here and I’m bored shitless.

Know what you mean OP. I was think about asking my brother and his children to go to the park for a walk (he’s visiting at the moment). Bur know it will actually end up going to the playground and just have the adults standing around waiting, with some of his children complaining they want to go home back to YouTube.

Mine are older, so I can tell you, it does pass quickly!

YANBU

Even without the extra individual complexities of SN, there is a large amount of the greater good in parenting. I trudge to the weekly swimming lessons week in, week out because I don't want my DCs to go through my experience of being the only non-swimmer in the class. That's the activity I find most onerous, but as a package, remembering to be in the right place in the right time for everything does add up and I'm enjoying the 2 week break from being scheduled over the holidays (why do so many have to continue through most holidays???)

I've sat in parks for many an hour being relentlessly bored because the DCs were enjoying it. I have energetic, high-energy types that need regular space and exercise to keep us all sane. They are good at independent play, but if we don't get out they will get too lively for their own good. Summer is easier when the lawn isn't a joyless swamp. Last summer, we did a lot of "chilling" at home, but we probably had too little structure which became as overwhelming as being too structured.

Since they started at school, I get more personal space. Before then, I was quite good at getting out for little windows for a run or fitness class, and I need it. The little baby years were physically draining, and as they've got older it's become more mental (e.g. the constant monologue about Minecraft) Parenthood has taught me how much I need my own headspace because I always had enough opportunity for it without realising, so I craved social time more.

It is well worth having DCs. To have created and helped to shape these little people is incredible and they bring so much joy through the tedium. I certainly wouldn't return them. However I think it is healthy to acknowledge the challenges alongside the joys. The new challenge in parenting is that we are now expected to be in our children's company so relentlessly. A few decades back and no one would have blinked if I'd turfed the DCs (5&8) out to play in the (safe, quiet) neighbourhood for a couple of hours. The loss of that independent play means that those gaps of supervision and skills now have to be plugged by parents and structured activities.

think parents complain an awful lot about the ‘choice’ they made and like to forget that there are couples out there for whom not having the opportunity to be ‘bored to tears at soft play’ or ‘go to dull kids parties’ is a source of serious misery!!

The fact that I found parks, bionicles and cricket boring and tedious has absolutely no bearing on my ability to empathise with people who want to conceive but can't.

It took me 15yrs to get pregnant, but when I finally did it did not make the park any more exciting

Don’t have DCs myself but I know what you mean as my DN LOVES imaginary play and I find it boring - her DPs can do that one! If I’m minding her, I plan something for us to do such as a day out (weather permitting)/baking/board games/films/swimming. She is too old for soft play now but would (mostly) play by herself in there when younger. I love my time with DN as we can do special things, I know it can be difficult though as she hasn’t anyone her age to play with so the nearest adult has to fill in in whatever game.

And add to that a dh who says stuff like "At least you get to spend all day doing what you want in the holidays "

And when you have dragged them up and are sad that they have left home the real enjoyment starts with the Grand-children, who you can enjoy fun things with then you hand them back to their minders when you want some peace an quiet:)

Well thats the theory anyway.

formerbabe I experience a fair bit of “mother’s guilt” too, and try to analyse things to make (semi!) rational decisions.

My youngest is 13 now, and never wants to do anything with me. I sort of miss it, I'll be honest. Suspect it drove me mad at the time though!

And children need to learn to deal with boredom, to entertain themselves, playmobil (and little people/happy land before), Lego when a bit older, train sets, barbies, dolls etc are so so important to a child’s development.

Stop with the constant trying to entertain them every step of the way. Stop sitting them in front of computer screens.

But when they grow up, you get a lot of time to yourself and kind of miss it
Just brings different issues lol

YANBU and It seems like there’s more expectations on parents now than there was when DD was growing up in the 80s. I did take her to Tumble Tots and playgroup and we did seem to live in the park between the ages of 2-4 but there just wasn’t the range of activities and events that there are now. I did find it a chore taking DD to stuff dealing with the tired out tantrums etc afterwards but after years of not having to do it I absolutely love going to the park/classes etc with DGDs. There are so many practicalities involved in parenting, as well as the responsibility and sheer relentlessness of it, it makes it bloody hard to enjoy doing stuff with your DC I reckon. Totally agree with Justaboy

YANBU hence I'm not ever having any DC

That's my stance, too But, and it's a big BUT, "the world don't move to the beat of just one drum". Thank goodness.

You're not selfish; cut yourself some slack. I love my niece to bits but it wasn't all that stimulating during her child years. She's 18 now and starting to get vaguely entertaining.

You won't have to do soft play for ever. Things will get more interesting and you'll be really glad of your children.

I'm glad of your children, too. And those of all parents. If everyone were a commitment phobe, pleasure seeking individual like me, we'd have no future

So thank you. All of you

This is why your not a 'terrible selfish parent'!
You don't want to do these things but you do for your DC
yes it's monotonous, I feel the same about a lot of what you've mentioned but if it makes our DC happy then we just have to brush ourselves down and get onto the next activity with a smile
Your doing great

Yes!

I crave time to myself. Not with DC, not at work, not cooking/cleaning/shopping, but time actually where I can chose what I want to do and do it. It’s probabky averaged less than 30 mins a week since DS was born 10 years ago.