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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having children turns your life into a long series of things you don’t want to do?

221 replies

Cheekysquirrel · 31/12/2018 09:12

Does anyone else find this? I spend my life basically doing things I don’t want to do but obviously I do them for my children’s sake.
I don’t want to watch ds play rugby / football in the cold / rain while trying to entertain a bored dd.
I don’t want to take dd to boring toddler / preschool parties.
I don’t want to go to soft play.
I don’t want to troop them to swimming lessons and have the hassle of getting them ready before / after.
I really really don’t want to go to any more adventure farms
I don’t want to do boring trails around places like national trust properties

Argh. I am a terrible selfish parent clearly but I am so BORED. Today I’m taking them to some children’s museum. Ds(9) is moaning already because he will have to be removed from his iPad which he had for Christmas. They will fight while we are out. So it’s not even like they are grateful / enjoy it themselves!
I would love to be able to go to the shops and have a look and get some lunch, on my own.

Aibu? Is parenting just always this dull?

OP posts:
Hubanmao · 31/12/2018 09:46

I don’t think people are saying they find their children boring. They are saying quite a lot of the daily tasks involved in child caring can be pretty mundane and aren’t what we would choose to do if we weren’t parents. Plenty of us would certainly never set foot in soft play or mum and baby groups by personal choice

Auntiepatricia · 31/12/2018 09:47

Fortunes I don’t do those places because they are ‘expected by marketing oeople’😂😂 That’s a bit condescending. I go to those places because they cater for kids and they are relatively safe for me to control 4 kids under 5 single handedly. And yes, the kids love those places.

The beach, cafe and woods on the other hand are hell on earth. Lack of toilets leading to peeing toddlers behind trees and wee going down legs into shoes leading to screaming and misery. Fucking freezing, layers of clothes to deal with. At least one child complaining and then trying to get everyone back to a vehicle. Honestly, almost every attempt at beach or woods I came away from near to or in actual tears. So don’t be so quick to assume your experience and plans are somehow more sensible than all us paying for soft play.

KiteMarked · 31/12/2018 09:48

You don't have to do any of those things, you know.

We do stuff that we all have interests in, or dh and I split up and take the dc out one on one to places they enjoy.

Fulfilling some mythical parenting obligation because "that's what we do" won't make you happy. Do what makes you happy.

EvaGraceMummy2015 · 31/12/2018 09:48

It's so strange you've made this thread as I've been feeling this a lot lately.. I'm glad I'm not the only one! Makes me feel less bad about myself 🙈😂 I have a 3 year old and 10 week old twins and feeling very overwhelmed atm.. I know I should feel blessed as I have 3 beautiful healthy girls, but sometimes I can't help but think 'what the hell have I done with my life?!' 😂😂😂 don't get me wrong I smile at least once a day, every day because of something to do with my children, but majority of the time at the minute I'm just keeping my head down and getting on with the hard slog of every day life dreaming of when they are all older and I can have a bit of freedom back! You know actually do something for myself, that actually purely just makes me happy for once! 🤦🏼‍♀️ instead of this tedious existence I'm living of constant washing/drying/housework/trying to keep my 3 year old entertained whilst constantly feeding/winding/changing 2 babies.. and I've still got 16 years of this yet 😂😂🔫 xxx

continuallychargingmyphone · 31/12/2018 09:48

You don’t have to go to them. I like farms and museums and walks and so on, though.

AlaskanOilBaron · 31/12/2018 09:49

Why have children if you find them so boring?

Children are terribly dull! Doesn't mean they aren't gorgeous and lovable and a biological imperative.

I'm still standing at the rugby pitch every Sunday and I do hate it. There are of course moments of glory, but they are few and far between.

Pachyderm1 · 31/12/2018 09:50

Posts like this make me seriously reconsider whether I actually want kids. I know people say the good bits make up for it, but is it genuinely worth it? If you had your time again would you still choose kids?

GraceMarks · 31/12/2018 09:50

I don't have kids, but I can well remember those days during the holidays when my parents (my mum, really - dad took part mainly under sufferance) would drag us out on some sort of improving day out. They didn't want to go, we didn't want to go, I have no idea whose benefit it was supposed to be for!

There seems to be so much pressure on parents to provide entertainment for their kids, when actually we were happiest when left to our own devices to play, read, go on bike rides with our friends etc. I'm sure mum preferred it when we made our own fun as well. I'm not saying we never had any good times on family outings, but the best ones were simple things like going for a picnic somewhere we could run about, or visiting cousins who lived on a farm so we could go and look at the animals while my parents chatted with my aunt. Do you enjoy things like that and are there ways you can do them while including the children?

Bishalisha · 31/12/2018 09:51

I’m finding this at the moment. I have a 9 year old, 2 and 3 year old. The 9 year old is no problem but the toddlers- my god it’s relentless. They’re usually at nursery during the week but only go term time so I’m struggling. The last few months as been non stop sickness and coughing bugs (which they all get one After the other rather than all at the same time!) so I’m really struggling with the lack of control atm

Dahlietta · 31/12/2018 09:53

I agree with the marketing comment above. It's like childhood is marketed at us these days, with all these things you're supposed to do. I never did any activities except Brownies for pretty much my whole childhood. We did go on lots of days out, but not often to specific places for children.
I just pick and choose now what I can tolerate. I never took my eldest to soft play at all. I take the little one occasionally because I found a nice one with a lovely café. We mostly go for walks and look for things in the woods because I like that, even in the rain.

MariaNovella · 31/12/2018 09:53

If you aren’t engaged with the idea of developing your babies into fully functioning humans, you probably aren’t cut out to be a parent. Give them back.

Biologifemini · 31/12/2018 09:53

I don’t do all that much stuff. Instead I take my kid to galleries and museums and restaurants that I want to go to. It makes a difference and she doesn’t know any different and thinks the Tate modern is a good day out now.
Of course I do the swimming etc but not to any great extent.

diddl · 31/12/2018 09:55

" But when they grow up, you get a lot of time to yourself and kind of miss it"

Yeah-they move out when they can actually be good company!

Bishalisha · 31/12/2018 09:56

@Pachyderm1

I love them and I love having them but the age gap between my toddlers (18 months) has been very difficult. I wonder if it was slightly larger if I would find it easier?

longestlurkerever · 31/12/2018 09:56

At the risk of sounding terribly smug I actually like most of the things on your list. It's other things I find challenging- the constant noise and calls on your attention, trying to get out of the house and the whining! That said I do now have a few hours to myself on Fridays during term time and it's made the world of difference to my stamina. Do you ever get a break?

Birdsgottafly · 31/12/2018 09:57

"Oh god yes imaginary play... that’s the reason I try and go out so much. The alternative is imaginary play."

That's why I had an open house when my children were little.

Now with my GC and the ones I babysit, I go out with them.

When I see threads on here, were the OP is asking, why the PILs always want to go out and not babysit in the house, I want to post, imaginary fucking play, combined with Peppa Pig/Paw patrol, is a killer.

SerenDippitty · 31/12/2018 09:57

Posts like this make me seriously reconsider whether I actually want kids. I know people say the good bits make up for it, but is it genuinely worth it? If you had your time again would you still choose kids?

Someone once said that “children are the greatest joy but they turn all other sources of joy into shit”. There may be a grain of truth in that.

I’m childless not by choice (infertile) but think I would have found having children terribly difficult. I’m introverted and need my own space.

OneStepMoreFun · 31/12/2018 09:57

I must be weird., I genuinely love all that shit OP. I came on this thread expecting you to say 'endless mountains of washing and packed-lunch making' and I was going to say 'Yeah but at keast yiou get the excuse to go to farms and pat goats or wander round NT grounds.'

What do you love doing? Can;t you either get them involved in something you truly love or have at least half a day at weekends doing what you love so you don't go mad?
And if DC want to be on computers not at children's museums, let them stay on their tablets. It's Christmas.

QwertyLou · 31/12/2018 09:57

YANBU to feel this way!

Team up with a friend you love, whose children you like and are compatible with yours. Makes it all much more fun Smile

RoboticSealpup · 31/12/2018 09:58

Posts like this make me seriously reconsider whether I actually want kids. I know people say the good bits make up for it, but is it genuinely worth it? If you had your time again would you still choose kids?

There's no way for you to know if you will enjoy this stuff or not. I do. The OP doesn't. The "things I want to do" changed when I had DD and now I'm mostly interested in family oriented stuff. Sounds boring, but my world became smaller and I'm fine with that. I really enjoy seeing things through DDs eyes.

percypeppers · 31/12/2018 10:00

I read threads like these and feel grateful we weren't able to have children! Life is one long self-indulgent holiday chez percypeppers.....

costacoffeecup · 31/12/2018 10:00

I also have a soft play refuser unless I go in too - at 4! The disappointment is real.

MariaNovella · 31/12/2018 10:01

Imaginary play is one of the most critical developmental activities there is.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 31/12/2018 10:01

Yes, Maria because not enjoying watching toddlers beat the shit out of each other with plastic balls at soft play clearly means she's not interested in her child's development Hmm

Trills · 31/12/2018 10:01

There's no way for you to know if you will enjoy this stuff or not

Really?
I've found myself to be pretty good at guessing whether I'll like activities or not.
I've known me for a long time.