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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having children turns your life into a long series of things you don’t want to do?

221 replies

Cheekysquirrel · 31/12/2018 09:12

Does anyone else find this? I spend my life basically doing things I don’t want to do but obviously I do them for my children’s sake.
I don’t want to watch ds play rugby / football in the cold / rain while trying to entertain a bored dd.
I don’t want to take dd to boring toddler / preschool parties.
I don’t want to go to soft play.
I don’t want to troop them to swimming lessons and have the hassle of getting them ready before / after.
I really really don’t want to go to any more adventure farms
I don’t want to do boring trails around places like national trust properties

Argh. I am a terrible selfish parent clearly but I am so BORED. Today I’m taking them to some children’s museum. Ds(9) is moaning already because he will have to be removed from his iPad which he had for Christmas. They will fight while we are out. So it’s not even like they are grateful / enjoy it themselves!
I would love to be able to go to the shops and have a look and get some lunch, on my own.

Aibu? Is parenting just always this dull?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 31/12/2018 10:17

I liked the toddler bit lots more because you have excuses to meet up with friends :)

SerenDippitty · 31/12/2018 10:18

What I don't understand are people like my sister who have to go somewhere every single weekend - farms, train museums, parks - what's wrong with staying at home once in a while and letting your kids play? It's ok for children to know what it's like to be bored, you know!

Grew up in the 60s/70s, our parents never took us anywhere except on holiday or to church on Sunday, we were pretty much left to our own devices to entertain ourselves. Don’t think it did any harm.

GreenDinosaur · 31/12/2018 10:18

I tried for so many years to get my DS and I adore him. It makes me so sad that I'll never have another and I want to treasure every minute with him.
At the moment, this is fine, I genuinely enjoy walk, farms, soft play, toddler classes, imaginary play etc.

However, when he gets older, I am absolutely dreading having to stand around for ages watching sport!
Are you allowed to take a book or is that frowned on?

LiveSleepSnore · 31/12/2018 10:18

Bertie so true.

CrookedMe · 31/12/2018 10:19

I sometimes miss the little boys they were

Oh that one got me 😢

BertieBotts · 31/12/2018 10:20

Brizzle, try making a list or ideas box (ours is online, but physical works too) - if you ever come across fliers for interesting looking places, or tips from friends etc add them to the suggestion box and then you can all look through it together when you want ideas for what to do.

I put the things which cost in a separate one so they aren't constantly hearing "No not that one..."

brizzledrizzle · 31/12/2018 10:22

Thanks Bertie, that's a good idea.

GoldenWonderwall · 31/12/2018 10:22

I’m fortunate in that so far the dc aren’t interested in sports where I’m expected to get up early on a Saturday and stand outside in the rain! What do you do for yourself op? Could you use the new year to ensure you carve out some time to spend doing stuff you want to do?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 31/12/2018 10:22

Reading this thread has reconfirmed for me that not having children was a good personal decision. I remember being dragged round various stately homes and battlefields as a child, I don’t think any of us actually enjoyed it, but it was something you were “expected” to do. I’d have been much happier left alone with some paper and crayons.

Whatamuddleduck · 31/12/2018 10:22

I’m really looking forward to all those things! We watched friends do them but rarely went as we didn’t have children and it would be weird! Now we have dd and I love doing all things child friendly!
Maybe the magic will wear off but it’s not like I have anything better to do!

nokidshere · 31/12/2018 10:23

However, when he gets older, I am absolutely dreading having to stand around for ages watching sport! Are you allowed to take a book or is that frowned on?

Books are fine as long as you clap/cheer at the right time Grin might be a bit difficult to read if it's a short winter sport though.... cricket will give you lots of reading time GrinWink

Notonthestairs · 31/12/2018 10:23

"I saw it as a very complicated catering project. It seems just like one meal after another."

This made me laugh. Yes. I get bored with the constant food provision.

I have an ASD child - no play dates - it is very hard when you need to be their companion/playmate as well as parent.

pictish · 31/12/2018 10:24

I like my job and I’m glad to have it but I also loved being a sahm. I enjoyed tots groups, coffee mornings, visits to the park, making friends, coming up with stuff to do. I was never bored.
It’s the full time job that saps me now and makes it hard. If we were well off, I’d work 2/3 days for the routine, sanity and pocket money and happily run the kids and house the rest of the time.

It’s having to do it all that’s the killer.

CrookedMe · 31/12/2018 10:24

@BertieBotts you're right, the phones thing pisses me off.

DD is 8 and got a proper 'toy' as her main present for Christmas; all her friends got phones. At bloody 8!

MariaNovella · 31/12/2018 10:24

I absolutely adored long lazy picnics in the park with friends while our DC ran off and trees and did other stuff that wasn’t allowed. Both the DC and I are nostalgic for that idyllic time.

formerbabe · 31/12/2018 10:24

Are you allowed to take a book or is that frowned on?

@greendinosaur

If your ds is anything like mine, he'll constantly be glancing over to make sure you're watching him Grin

If I glance at my phone, that will be the moment he scores a goal...and I'll feel like the worst mother ever!

MariaNovella · 31/12/2018 10:24

and climbed trees

nokidshere · 31/12/2018 10:25

@CrookedMe

But it's awesome having teenagers Smile

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 31/12/2018 10:25

🤔 I think parents complain an awful lot about the ‘choice’ they made and like to forget that there are couples out there for whom not having the opportunity to be ‘bored to tears at soft play’ or ‘go to dull kids parties’ is a source of serious misery!!

EdWinchester · 31/12/2018 10:26

Agree 😂

And when you have teenagers, you find younger kids unspeakably tedious.

LiveSleepSnore · 31/12/2018 10:27

The children hear me witter that the elite of Silicon Valley don't allow their kids this technology but I know I am whistling in the wind.

QwertyLou · 31/12/2018 10:28

Gosh that looks so saccharine now that I read it. I also love my family, friends and career (well - I enjoy work, not sure I love it) so my life was great before I was a mom too.. I was apprehensive that parenthood might be restricting or hard (it was not planned) whereas it had added another great layer to the cake.

CrookedMe · 31/12/2018 10:28

Yes that's true @MrDarcyWillBeMine but this thread isn't about that is it?

I seriously hate the way you can't say X on here without someone coming on and complaining you're not thinking about Y.

BertieBotts · 31/12/2018 10:29

DS1 would not play with toys at 8. Confused

TBH, I am looking forward to DS2 getting into the toddler stage and being in need of more weekend stuff, I like doing those things and it will be an excuse to drag DH and DS1 from their computers.

pictish · 31/12/2018 10:30

That’s a real shame and I think most would genuinely sympathise Darcy.
I still feel pressured and tired by the demands that parenthood make on me. I will say so if I choose to.